I’m going start out by being 100% honest with you. I don’t really know the answer to this question. However after a discussion with Roo last week, I feel it might be a topic some of you are struggling with. Therefore I thought I’d use today’s wedding planning advice post as a forum for us to get in a discussion on the matter – I want to know your ideas and opinions on the subject please!

Although I’m sure you could Google this question and come up with the ‘proper etiquette’ answer, I think it’s much more relevant these days to figure out what’s right for you and your wedding. However I do think you should consider a few things before you make your decision…

Wedding budget

Firstly, every extra body at your wedding is going to cost you more money in food and alcohol. Before decided whether or not to allow someone to bring a guest, your first port of call should be to figure out if your budget allows for them.

The size of the wedding

If you’re having an intimate wedding the likelihood is that you want to keep it as small as possible, and only with people you really know. However if your wedding is going to be an 200 guest extravaganza a few extra bodies won’t be too weird.

Relationships

The choice on whether to invite your best friend’s husband Vs the brand new boyfriend of your second cousin twice removed is undoubtably a different situation altogether. Here’s my opinion…

The spouse or live-in/long term partner of a close friend or family member should always be invited. However if someone has only being seeing someone for a little while (especially if you haven’t met them yourself) I don’t think it’s unreasonable to not extend the invitation.

I also personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with only allowing a select few people a plus one. What is important, is to have a clearly defined set of rule and a cut-off point to explain who gets to bring a date and who doesn’t. If someone then has a strop (“Yeah sure we’ve only been dating for a week but I know he’s the one, pleeeeease can he come?!”) having these clear cut rules will allow you to explain your reasoning in a rational and fair manner.

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“The Owl and the Pussycat went to sea. In a beautiful pea green boat, They took some honey, and plenty of money, Wrapped up in a five pound note…”

With The Owl and the Pussycat as inspiration, it would be hard for Kerryn & Joel to go far wrong when planning their cute and quirky wedding. Although the wedding wasn’t overly themed to match the poem, its message resonated throughout their planning and on the wedding day itself. They used it on their wedding invitations, had an owl and pussycat cake topper and Kerryn read the poem as part of her speech. “The Owl and The Pussycat popped up because around the time that we got engaged, I read The Owl and The Pussycat to my 3 year old niece, Amy,” Kerryn told me. “At the last page there was a lovely illustration of the owl dancing with the pussycat in mid air…”

“And they danced by the light of the moon, the moon. They danced by the light of the moon”

“When Amy saw that picture she looked at me very seriously and asked ‘Is that what happens when you get married?’ I thought that was very beautiful and it just stuck with me.”

“Even though there was a lot of planning involved, our wedding just sort of happened the way it did because we were very relaxed and decided to concentrate on being happy”, Kerryn continued. “We have quite specific taste and definitely didn’t want an overly orchestrated, perfectly manicured day. So really, our wedding couldn’t have turned out any other way.”

“We made the jam, we shopped for individual gifts for all the children and my brother made the bunting and the chuppa from a quilt that we’ve kept. The flowers were all unusual roses, more like garden roses than perfectly symmetrical blooms and we had them scattered in silver tea sets.”

Kerryn wore an Abigail Betz gown and emerald green shoes. “I knew that I wanted a combination of a 20s and 50s look for my dress and ruby slippers (they ended up emerald but I loved them!)” the bride explained. “We also asked everyone at our wedding to write us a letter rather than buy a gift so we have very special messages from the special people who were with us that we can keep forever. I never imagined that I would get married so I had no pre-conceived ideas about the perfect wedding, so it was just 100% us that sort of materialized on the day.”

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Photography Credit: Isabeli Fontana by Alexi Lubomirski for Vogue Spain February 2012

It feels like the world is spinning at an extra super duper fast speed for me right now. My mind is filled with so many upcoming projects, ideas and top-secret-things-I’m-not-allowed-to-tell-anyone-about-but-if-I-don’t-soon-I-might-burst-burst-BURST!

And breathe…

However one of these things I am allowed to share with you now is that this week I went to visit my girl Lisa Devlin in Brighton to discuss the next Photography Farm. Remember how I modelled in an ‘Over the Rainbow’ style shoot at the last one? Well for the next event, on March 13th-15th, Lisa has asked me to style the shoot and for Roo to model in it. It’s a Rock n Roll Bride takeover! My ideas are a little crazy (there’s a little insight with the image at the top of this article actually) but I’m so excited about how it’s all panning out so far. As well as styling, I’ll also be a guest speaker at the workshop, sharing some of my wisdom and tips on all things blog.

Quick shameless plug: If you’re a wedding photographer and you fancy a trip to the Photography Farm with me, click here for all the info, prices and how to book your spot. I look forward to seeing some of you there!

Mkay…I know why you’re all here – treats! treats! treats!

♥ Surprisingly funny article by Cosmopolitan Magazine entitled ‘How not to buy your wedding dress
♥ Meadham Kirchhoff’s S/S 2012 collection is made of the same stuff as my dreams
Gala’s Alt Summit recap. I am SO THERE next year.
A wedding shot in polaroids? Eff yes.
Cute as hell DIY glitter jars
♥ These baby animal photographs slay me.
♥ Music Inspired DIY Wedding
Ouma = dreamlike
Saved by the Bell themed party!!
♥ Knitted lookbook
♥ Utterly loving this late 60s, early 70s wedding inspo

Photography Credit: by Saul Leiter for Vogue UK, October 1966

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Claire & Scott chose an old movie theatre in as the setting for their ceremony, The Lantern Theatre, Sheffield. Although they hadn’t even thought about marrying in a theatre, after seeing one in Whitby they loved the idea. “We’d originally planned to marry in Whitby, as it’s a special to place to us both,” Claire told me. “Whilst looking at venues there, we were shown a theatre hidden away at the back of the sea front community centre. We hadn’t thought about marrying in a theatre, but we both fell in love with the idea. In the end, we decided that we’d rather marry closer to home in Sheffield, but the idea of marrying in a theatre stayed with us.”

“After an afternoon on Google, Scott emailed every theatre within a fifty-mile radius of us to ask if they did weddings. The Lantern Theatre was one of the few that replied and it turned out to be barely a mile from our house. When we arrived we fell in love with the place. It’s an old 84-seat Victorian theatre with anaglyph wallpaper and red velvet seats. The staff there were so flexible and open to all our ideas. They even bought a mirrorball so that I could walk down the aisle in spiralling light. They served cocktails in teapots, put together a lighting and music programme so that the ceremony ran without a hitch and Keith – the volunteer who ran the bar – even dressed up in a dapper waistcoat and tie.”

After the ceremony the couple and their guests boarded a old London bus to The Countryside Centre. “We chose The Countryside Centre because it gave us a blank canvas to work with,” Claire continued. “There are no staff there on the day itself so you have complete freedom to use whichever suppliers you want. Though there’s a converted barn and grain store, we chose to hire a marquee to make the most of the beautiful grounds and asked our caterers to set up a steak and fish barbecue, which was fantastic.”

The couple chose a music and literature theme for their day. “Literature and music have always been important to us and during the planning it soon became apparent that though we hadn’t intended to have a theme for the wedding, words and music were a recurring motif. Our invites were designed to look like classic orange and white vintage Penguin paperbacks, with library tickets inside for the RSVP (we’d stamped the wallet in which the library ticket sat with the key dates of our relationship). We used the Smiths’ song title ‘There Is a Light That Never Goes Out’ as the title of the paperback/invite.”

“Our place settings followed the Penguin theme, with the guests’ names replacing the author’s and a lyric we’d individually chosen for each guest replacing the title. Inside the place settings were CDs with the key songs from the wedding day. The orders of service that were handed out at the theatre were designed to look like vintage Penguin Plays paperbacks, with the title on the cover taken from a Velvet Underground song. Our readings were taken from books, except for one, which was the lyrics of the Pulp song, ‘Something Changed’.”

“During the service, we exchanged copies of our favourite books, around which the rings were tied on a ribbon. Even the confetti followed the literary theme. Using a heart-shaped holepunch, we punched confetti from the pages of our favourite books.”

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When wedding dress designer Jo of The Couture Company first told me about her idea to design a tattoo themed wedding dress I was excited. Super excited. I’ve certainly never seen anything like it before! Whether you’re a tattooed goddess and you want your dress to reflect your own ink, or you’re not quite brave enough to go under the needle but you love the idea of being a tattooed bride, these dresses are just perfect for you.

Designer Jo says, “I have always tried to design gowns that are different and unusual – using unusual colours, doing a traditional victorian bustle gown in fuschia pink, or a big meringue dress but in black. I love the idea of a bride having something totally unique and bespoke to them.”

“I have been a Rock n Roll bride addict for about 2 years and have been totally blown away with the diversity, creativity and individuality of each wedding featured – even if some of the brides wear the same dress, the weddings always look totally different. So that got me thinking about creating a dress that could be customised and unique and symbolic to that bride and her wedding.”

“I have seen so so many beautiful wedding ‘bits’ that are tattoo inspired over the last few months – cakes, jewellery invites, place settings, even couples who get commemorative tattoos on each other to celebrate getting hitched. However I’ve never seen a tattoo themed wedding dress so I thought, ‘why not?’”

“The truth is that the Rock n Roll Brides inspired me, and for this gown I was inspired by the old school sailor tattoos. Don’t forget the dress in these pictures is just an example and we can customise the tattoos on every dress order to the style the bride wants. She can also have the dress in any colour. We are open to brides bringing tattoo ideas to see if it is possible to incorporate their ideas into the gowns. All our tattoos are created using silk embroidery and are accented and highlighted with beads and crystals.”

Don’t you just love it ladies? Also pictured is Jo’s super cute daisy design wedding dress…I am totally gaga over the colour and that massive bow at the back!

Prices for the tattoo dress varies depending on the number and size of ‘tattoos’ wanted as well as what fabric you want the dress made in. However as a starting point, the blank canvas gown pictured – made from silk dupion and is overlaid with silk organza - is £1000. For more info on this, and any of Jo’s wedding dresses, be sure to drop her an email to joanne@the-couture-company.co.uk or call 0121 608 4445. The Couture Company are based in Birmingham, UK, but orders can be completed via email correspondence if you are unable to make it to her studio for fittings.

Exclusive Reader Offer

Jo would like to offer any reader of Rock n Roll Bride who gets in touch, the first two tattoos on her dress absolutely free. Simply quote ‘Rock n Roll Bride’ when you contact her to qualify.

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I really enjoyed my professional work in 2011 but committing to a personal project was undoubtedly the best thing I did for my photography and myself last year. It constantly surprised and helped me in so many ways, and the very first (and being truthful, the only!) successful resolution I made as 2012 arrived was to start a brand new one.

Towards the end of 2010, after a crazy year of throwing myself headlong into setting up the business and taking on as much photography work as I could, I’d become increasingly worried that my photography was becoming stale and uninspired, in a weary creative rut, and I’d almost completely stopped shooting for pleasure since doing photography professionally full time, which really bothered me. If I’m being completely honest it had started to feel like photography, my long-time love, was becoming too much hard work and too few rewards. At the start of 2011 I noticed that a number of other photographers were starting 365 projects (a photo a day for a whole year) and so following their good example, I unashamedly jumped on the bandwagon and began my own personal 365 project, hoping I could rediscover the old passion and have a bit of fun along the way. It did both and a whole lot more, and was one of the best decisions I have made for a long time.

I truly believe personal projects are a crucial part of any creative business and that anyone, whether a photographer, videographer, designer, stationer, florist, dressmaker, blogger, jeweller, musician, stylist or any other creative, can benefit immeasurably from them, both professionally and personally.

So what is a personal project?

Quite simply, a goal or project devised and undertaken by yourself, purely for your own pleasure. Ideally it should not be part of any paid work or business, not done for financial profit, and not at all influenced by what other people like or want. Whatever your official day-to-day ‘job’ is, your personal project is an opportunity to forget what you’re paid to do, have fun with your art and completely please yourself.

Sounds great… Only then you start to think, as I did, hmmm….. how can I justify doing this? I have work coming out of my ears, piles of admin beckoning, a to-do list the length of my arm, an increasingly messy house to keep, a hyperactive child to care for and entertain… A ‘fun’ project just for the hell of it is surely a bit of a luxury… There need to be some clear benefits. Well the good news is, there are LOADS! Here are some I discovered along the way…

Why personal projects benefit you professionally

You improve your skills
A personal project gives you the freedom to experiment with new and more challenging techniques and ideas without worrying about failure or disappointing clients. True progress can only come with moving outside your comfort zone and challenging yourself, and paid jobs can be a risky area to push this. As a consequence, it’s easy to relax into ‘safe’ mode in our regular day-to-day work and miss opportunities to improve and move forward. In this year’s 365 project I practiced on a daily basis using a new lens that I had been too scared to use in weddings, always reverting to my old ‘comfortable’, reliable ones. Thanks to this practice, it’s now one of my staple professional lenses, has really helped to hone and improve my pictures and now feels as comfortable to me as my own eyes.

You become more creative
Often creative juices dry up. No-one likes to admit it but it happens to everyone. You start to feel like you’re churning out the same things and feel unoriginal and uninspired. A personal project injects freshness into your art, providing new sources and channels of inspiration and opening up new and exciting approaches to explore. My 365 project forced me to think differently about how I approach my subjects and this in turn affected my professional work, making me see familiar scenarios through different eyes.

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How can I possibly even begin to describe Mark Niemierko? Well, he’s a high-end wedding planner based in London and a force to be reckoned with! But more than that he’s one hell of a character, and one I’m honoured to call a friend. We met a few years ago when he invited me for drinks at The Charlotte Hotel (read: a fancy hotel that I couldn’t afford to even step foot in) and I was super nervous. I wondered why the hell he wanted to meet me. After all, from the outside we appeared to be very different people and to have very different tastes and ideas about what made a great wedding. However let me tell you, I was wrong…it’s not only nonconformists like me that get judged by the way they look!

Mark and I got on like a house of fire from the moment we met and I can, in all honestly, say he’s rated high in my internal list of favourite people.

Despite his recognition and reputation, Mark is actually quite a private person. You won’t find him spilling his guts on Twitter or wanting to tell people every idiosyncrasy of his life or his business. In actual fact, I haven’t seen that many interviews or articles about him online that really peel back those designer suit layers and get right inside his head. Which is why, dear Green-Roomers, I’m utterly thrilled to be the one to share his secrets right here!

If you dont learn a thing or two about running your own sucessful business from Mr Niemierko then I dont know where you will. It doesnt matter what kind of weddings or which market you want to attract; Mark is a genius marketeer, and the perfect representation of his brand.

Photography Credit: Segerius Bruce Photography

So Mark, what’s the ‘Niemierko’ story? How did you start your company and what’s happened between then and now?

I started in weddings 7 years ago. Prior to that I worked in Film and TV Production as Head of Operations. However I also dabbled in PR and Events within Film. I really enjoyed the events side of my role and wanted to start my own events company. I was 23. I had a grand plan of an events company which would also have a small wedding planning arm to it. There weren’t many planners in London – well not tasteful ones – 7 years ago, and most event companies wouldn’t touch weddings due to the effort and time involved in them, they didn’t see them as profit making. So I spotted a gap in the market and a niche that I could cater for. Bizarrely and pretty instantly, through having a nicely designed website and a bit of google advertising the enquiries started to come in!

You learn from the start. I did day management for some of my friends weddings to get an idea (which by the way is a service we don’t offer any more), attended wedding fairs up and down the country (not just the high-end ones! I saw some shocking tacky things!) 6 months before launching I researched the market in great detail – was I going to do a few high-end events or lots of mass market weddings? My initial aim was to plan 15 weddings a year earning around £6k per wedding. It took me two years to realise that a) that wasn’t enough to charge for my time and b) I couldn’t really afford to live and grow my company on this fee.

So I then decided in 2008, around the start of the recession, to focus just on the top end. I put my fees up (our fee now starts at £25,000 + VAT and I cap the weddings that I plan and design to only 8 per year).  2007 was also the time I brought in a full time assistant. I now have 3 of them.

Your company is now a globally recognised brand within the wedding industry. How have you progressed from simply being ‘yet another wedding planner’ to being ‘Mark Niemierko’?

I don’t think Niemierko is quite where I’d like it to be just yet. It’s still growing and always will… I certainly do believe in myself and my company however. It’s not just any other wedding planning firm. We offer the best service, a seriously personal touch. More to the point what makes us so unique is the Niemierko couples. They are the best Brides and Grooms, no drama, totally chilled, excited and at the forefront what’s most important to them is ensuring they celebrate their love and marriage. They leave the creation and detail of a memorable event to me.

I do believe you have to remember that working within the wedding industry, and especially for planners, that couples buy into you. I was 23 when I started planning – I used to wear t-shirt, jeans and converse all the time. I quickly changed my look to reflect the brand I wanted to be. I took to only wearing suits and ties straight away to look older – you have to dress the part. The suits and ties are totally me now, as well as a reflection of my company!

The honest truth to building up a good reputation and brand, aside from delivering great work, is being yourself. Everyone can spot a false personality straight away. Plus you mustn’t have an ego. Remember you are working in the service industry – you are here to serve and the Brides and Grooms are the stars. I got to know everyone from small suppliers to the big names, and have always focused on keeping good relationships with all suppliers. I also focused on brand associations… so associating my new young company with established luxury brands like Claridge’s and Van Cleef and Arpels early on gave me respect within my industry.

Photography Credit: Xander Casey Photography

You get a lot of press coverage in wedding magazines and on wedding blogs, both here and in The States. How did you do this, and have you got any advice for others wanting to do the same?

Simply introduce yourself to everyone but don’t spam or nag anyone. When I launched I brought every Bridal magazine. I looked at the masthead of every story to see who wrote the features I could be credited in. I worked out who was the best editor to approach (don’t always assume the Editor in Chief is the best person – they get inundated – so you could end up under a lot of other paper!) I wrote a launch press release, gave myself a different spin on what was unique about me. I focused on the fact that we offered a styling and fashion service – i.e helping the Bride find her perfect dress. Once I’d hand delivered the press releases I then followed up with a call or email.

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Elle Fanning in Rodarte by Bill Owens for A Magazine via Fashion Gone Rogue

So you come up with a brilliant and inventive idea for your business. You’re excited and can’t wait to get started. You also start telling people about your plans too, because well, you’re excited…

But then someone screws up their face and tells you they don’t like your idea and that it’s probably not going to work. What do you do?

A) Decide they’re probably right, have a little secret cry and drop the idea all together.
B) Convince yourself that this person is clearly and idiot an carry on regardless.
C) Listen to what they say, ask them questions as to why they think the idea is rubbish and make changes based on what they’ve said.
D) Change your idea completely and come up with something new.

While none of the options are necessarily wrong, today I want us to think about and discuss how we deal with rejection, or people saying ‘no’ to us, and in turn what we can learn from it in order to grow our businesses.

There are a couple of things to think about when someone says no to you or tries to dissuade you from an idea.

Do you value their opinion?

Basically do you care what they think!? Is their opinion likely to mirror the option of the people you want to attract with the idea? Do they fit into your target demographic? Or if they’re a business owner too, do you admire what they’ve achieved with their business?

Does their concern come from a place of love?

Are they the kind of person who wants the best for you OR are they likely to try and put you off an idea because they are jealous/competitive/might want to steal the idea for themselves? Are they a ‘frenemy‘?!

If you do value their opinion, then go back and look at the idea objectively. Are your goals realistic or do they just need tweaking a little?

It sounds a bit cliché but I really believe that in order to progress, you must stop pining after that closed door and start looking for the open window on the other side of the room. I wish I knew who said that first…it’s very wise huh?

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My buddy Tattybojangles tweeted this last week and I just had to add an extra Green Room post today to share it too. Who says being a professional wedding photographer is hard? They obviously haven’t seen these!*

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I’m just gonna come out and say it…as a general rule, I’m not a huge fan of the wedding fair. A little controversial I know. My reason for this is not because I find them boring or a waste of time but because the people exhibiting aren’t making me want to love it. Often they simply sit at their stands with a ‘take it or leave it attitude’ or they’ll just thrust leaflets and samples at me like they’re going out of fashion. This is both annoying as hell and a little bit terriflying.

I don’t think the wedding fair is dead just yet. There are hundreds of thousands of brides (and poor poor grooms)-to-be that attend these shows during their engagement. So, this week, I thought a little discussion and a few tips on how you can make wedding fairs work for you would be in order.

Thank you to Heidi from The Alternative Wedding Fair, which is taking place in London this Sunday, for putting together this article. I’ll be wandering around the fair with Roo – please don’t throw things at us.

♥  ♥  ♥

Ever wonder why some suppliers have unbelievable success as a wedding fair exhibitor and others never see a return? Well, there is definitely a formula to making wedding fairs work for your wedding business and I’d like to share it with you. In this article I’ll reveal my top strategies that will affect your overall success attending wedding fairs so that you can get the most out of your exhibit.

Consider the types of couples the show is targeting

In the past I have found that when wedding fairs target a niche they attract brides who want what you do. That is if you fit into that niche. Be sure to ask the show organiser who their target market is. If they say ‘brides’  then I’d personally run a mile. Do you want to just attract all brides or do you have a specific kind of bride and wedding you’d really love to work with? You need to know your specific target market and gear everything towards making your business attractive to that kind of bride.

Find out how and where the event is being advertised

Couples are now using social media as a tool to help with their wedding planning, more now than ever. Brides turn to Facebook to ask for friends recommendations and to Twitter to see what the suppliers they like are up to. Does the fair have a strong social media presence? Are they advertising on relevant blogs and publications?

You want to make sure the fair you choose is being promoted so that you will get a healthy amount on traffic on the day. Ask the show organiser how the show is being advertised and marketed online and offline. Does this line up with where your target market is?

Research what is included in the cost of the exhibit space to ensure value

Your exhibit space can be anything from empty space to a shell scheme so be sure to ask so that you can plan your costs accordingly. Ask if electricity, wi-fi, tablecloths and basic furniture (trestle table & chairs) are included or how much extra they will cost you. Be sure to figure your marketing materials and giveaways into your budgeting as well!

Make sure to get a list of couples who have agreed to be contacted afterwards

A list of couples who attended is nice but you can’t market to them via email because of CAN-SPAM laws. You can only legally email couples who have agreed to be contacted. If you market to couples who have not opted-in to receive your emails they could report you. Ask the show organiser if their list complies with CAN-SPAM laws. If they say ‘CAN-what?’ run away! Remember, it is better to have a smaller list of people who want your specific service than a large list of people who don’t want anything to do with you.

Review the contract

Contracts for wedding fairs can contain a list of items that are prohibited and list anything that is required by you such as a copy of your insurance policy. As with all contracts, be sure to review it before you sign on the dotted line.

Invite prospective and current clients

You will appear to be on top of what is going on in the local wedding industry if you personally invite these people along. Even if you have already booked a client they will appreciate knowing there is somewhere to go to find their other suppliers. It’s all about making yourself look good!

Promote the fair on social media and blogs

You’re on Twitter and Facebook right? Use this space to discuss what you are doing in the run up to the fair and connect with other exhibitors. The networking opportunities a fair offers are often just as valuable as the potential clients you might book.

Network

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About The Green Room

The Green Room is the backstage area of Rock n Roll Bride, a quiet place to read about and discuss all things related to running your own wedding-related business.

I strongly believe that the most important thing in any business is being your own person, standing out, having a different outlook or opinion and giving your clients a reason to invest in you. This is what I want to achieve with The Green Room - to give you a place to figure out your personal path in a non-judgmental and friendly space.

Each week we'll discuss topics related to running your own business as well as read interviews with some of the most inspirational people I know.

So sit down, grab a cup of coffee and lets muddle our way through together!

Find out more...