In the world of weddings, where love is celebrated, a dark shadow lurks behind the veil. Bisexual erasure is prevalent but so often overlooked. At first glance, the wedding industry is getting so much better at being inclusive and diverse. Magazines, blogs and social media accounts show many love stories and cater to many preferences. However, bisexuals seem to be one of the groups who are so often forgotten or even purposefully excluded.

What is Bisexual Erasure?

Bisexual erasure refers to the tendency to ignore, deny, or minimise bisexuality. It ignores its existence, experiences and validity. This can mean that a false belief is spread that people can only be gay or straight. Bisexual erasure can manifest in various ways:

Invisibility: Bisexuals may feel invisible. This happens in both straight and gay communities. They might face pressure to claim the title of either gay or straight. This can lead to feeling alone and misunderstood.

Stereotyping: Bisexual people may face stereotypes that invalidate their identity. People may label them as promiscuous, indecisive, or unable to be faithful. These stereotypes reinforce harmful misconceptions about bisexuality.

Dismissal: Some people dismiss or deny bisexuality. They claim that people must be either gay or straight. This denial can invalidate bisexual individuals’ experiences and contribute to feelings of alienation.

Relationship Assumptions: People wrongly assume that bisexuals’ orientation is based on their current partner’s gender. For example, if a bisexual person is with someone of the opposite gender, people often assume they are straight. This erases their bisexual identity. This is mostly what we are focusing on today.

“Oh, so your straight”

To me, the most insidious form of bi erasure in the wedding industry is assuming heterosexuality. You, a male and female identifying couple, start talking about how you want rainbows and pride flags, but you are met with looks of confusion. Why in 2024 is the assumption hetero?

People assume that if you are married to the opposite sex, you must now be straight, regardless of how you have identified in the past. This assumption is so dangerous and wrong. It completely erases and invalidates not just a huge portion of self, but everything you have experienced through life as a queer individual. Closed-minded people persecute, judge and traumatise those attracted to the same sex, and by making this ridiculous claim that you are now straight, completely invalidate all of your experiences with those people.

It’s Not a Phase

I came out three times to my parents. I was met with the ‘it’s just a phase’ rhetoric, and part of me felt ashamed that I married a man and may have perpetuated that idea to them. We don’t choose who we fall in love with. I believe I met my twin flame in my husband. The fact that society makes any part of me feel bad about that is ridiculous.

Embrace the Rainbow and Infuse Your Wedding Day with Bi Pride

I wish I had included a nod to my sexuality on my wedding day. It would have put an end to any stupid ideas family or friends may have made, that my sexuality was now different. I wish I had realised at the time that it was something I absolutely could do! It’s our day, for celebrating our love, and my sexuality is a part of that. It helped forge the person that I am today, and I am proud of every part of it.

Yes, there will be the people who complain that you are “making being queer your identity”. So what? It is part of your identity. So, make a song and dance about it, be proud of it, and don’t let another person tell you who you are or judge you for it. These are some of my favourite ideas I have come across for adding bi pride into your day.

♥ Rainbow or bisexual flag, jewellery etc
♥ Gender reveal confetti at bachelorette
♥ Queer icons themed tables – famous bisexuals with a bio on why they are important
♥ Include the colour purple or even the entire flag
♥ Gender neutral vows

Jane from Maddison Rocks, who took part in this shoot, says, “As an alternative florist, I always openly encourage my clients to incorporate as many elements of their personalities as individuals and as a couple into their wedding florals. There are so many ways LGBTQ+ references can be included into your big day from colour palettes, gender neutral skulls, rainbow flowers, neon lights, to crystals and charms etc. These can all play a significant part in expressing your love for each other in as subtle or as loud and proud way as you like!”

The consequences of bi erasure in the wedding industry extend far beyond individual experiences. It sends a message to society. It says that some forms of love are worth celebrating while others are not. It spreads harmful stereotypes. Like the ridiculous idea that a woman marrying a man somehow wipes away her bisexual identity.

If we build awareness of bi erasure, we can elicit change within the wedding industry. Companies can take steps to be more inclusive. They can diversify their marketing and use language that reflects actual human relationships. Activists and advocacy groups are speaking out. They are calling for representation and respect. We just need to listen.

About April Naylor

April is a wedding photographer based in the North West UK, specializing in capturing the unique essence of alternative weddings. With a love for unconventional love stories, April brings creativity and authenticity to every photograph. You can find her work at wilderphotography.co.uk and on Instagram @wearewilderweddings  

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