Category Archives: Wedding Planning Advice

Self-Care for Reluctant Brides

It can be extremely difficult to plan a wedding if you struggle with depression or anxiety. With all the potential for extra stress its important, now more than ever, for you to pay attention to being good to yourself. Lauren McMillan, who writes about life, the universe and mental health on her blog lifebrew.co.uk is here to talk to us about how you can get through it and still plan the wedding of your dreams.

Whenever anyone talks about self-love, the 13-year-old that governs my sense of humour guffaws. Images of funky smelling bedrooms and sticky tissues. Yes, that type of self-love is encouraged and encompassed by the term, but there are far more wholesome aspects too.

Before a wedding was even on the horizon, you may well have found me at intervals throughout the year having fallen arse first from the self-love wagon, dazed and crying in my pyjamas at midday. If you ordinarily struggle with depression or anxiety, a wedding can be just the thing to heighten the effects. Weddings and the planning of them can be fucking stressful and, in turn, stress can cause you to self-neglect.

As a child, I did not really dream of that special day, the one all little girls are supposedly born to prepare for. I would dream of being interviewed by Oprah Winfrey and having a boyfriend with a motorcycle instead.

In my early relationships, I longed for commitment, love and partnership but my expectations were about as high as ‘don’t cheat on me’, ‘call me your girlfriend’ and ‘buy me a present at least once a year that isn’t stolen, illegal or lube’. If someone achieved one or more of these things, part of me would freak out. I always yearned for commitment when it was an unattainable goal but when it was in my grip, the weight of it felt burdensome.

Just before I met Mike, my future plans were ‘be single forever’, ‘rent a nice flat with a pink and mint colour palette’ and ‘have a pug named Shelby’. We were both at a place in which our previous relationships had diminished our desire to settle down and we were learning to be single again. Rather inconveniently, we fell in love.

We talked about marriage fairly early on and we knew we would do it at some point but both felt it wasn’t necessarily a huge deal to us – our ongoing relationship was what felt important. Not giving too much of a shit was a relief. Then, a year ago, he proposed.

I had no idea, literally no idea. In fact, he was down on one knee on Brighton beach with a ring and I still didn’t suss it out. I was too busy trying to light a cigarette in windy conditions and moaning about pebbles in my shoe. Then, I noticed shiny diamonds and loudly shouted, ‘WHAT?!’

To those around us, it must have seemed like it wasn’t going well, but it was. We wanted to be married – that was the easy part. I said ‘yes’. I then walked around for three days in a confused state of bliss, shock and what I can only describe as paralysing fear.

Marriage doesn’t scare me. Our relationship has stood strong through both mental and physical illness and all the other curve balls life can throw at you (not to mention all the bloody marvellous times). I know exactly who he is, even in his darkest hours. I have no doubt he is the one I want to grow old with. I can’t wait be his wife. I feel like we already have the marriage, we just haven’t had the wedding yet.

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Is It Possible to Have a Truly Feminist Wedding?

Can a woman who’s fought for equality still be comfortable as a bride? In an industry that’s dominated by sexism (I mean an engagement ring is a symbol of ownership and it’s only the woman who’s expected to change her name… and don’t even get me started on the fact that the whole wedding thing is automatically assumed to be the woman’s domain). Well, weddings and marriage don’t always look that great. But if it’s the commitment you and your partner want, there’s no reason why you have to leave your feminist beliefs behind when you say “I do”. Becky Hoh-Hale, founder of the Most Curious Wedding Fair, is here today to talk you through the options.

As the founder of a wedding show, it can be hard to reconcile my career of choice with my feminist beliefs. I can sometimes feel myself explaining what I do with an element of guilt, almost apologising for my role in sending more sisters off to the patriarchal shackles. But The Most Curious Wedding Fair takes the idea of a wedding day and offers it up to couples to own it, and this allows me to rest easy in our quest for equality. So, I thought it would be interesting to look at how women in 2018 can and are reconciling their empowered selves with those wedding rituals less palatable to the bad ass bride.

As you are here already on Rock n Rock Bride, it’s likely that sticking to tradition is not top of your list of priorities, but similarly you’re reading this because marriage is important to you and you want it for you and your partner. Hell, you may not even want to lose all the romantic symbolism set up by some of the time-honoured wedding traditions. So let’s go there, what do these traditions mean? What are their origins? How can you change them up, slip in important feminist acts and reclaim your wedding?

The Wedding Dress

First up, let’s talk about the dress. I think we all know what the virginal white angelic gown associated with brides is meant to symbolise (although this assumption is actually completely inaccurate as it was originally blue that was seen as the virginal colour because of the Virgin Mary. The white wedding dress only became popular after Queen Victoria opted to wear it when she married Prince Albert!)

Whether a white wedding dress is a symbol of whether or not you’ve had sex yet or not (and honestly, even your Gran is probably pretty much up to speed on where you guys are at with that, having lived together for three years already) if you think about it, it’s always going to be an act of rebellion to wear something other than traditional white or ivory.

The Cake

Now we don’t want to ruin everything… but apparently even the damn cake cutting is about your hoo-hah. There’s different stories about the tradition, at best the couple could cut it together but she had to feed the groom a piece to signify her servitude to him and at worst the bride would do it alone to symbolise the loss of her virginity (eye roll). Do with that what you will. So if you’re worried about the symbolism, definitely cut it together and feed it to each other!

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How to Style a Blank Canvas Wedding Venue

Having a “blank canvas” wedding venue (where you can literally take control and do anything you heart desires!) is a dream for many alternative brides, but it can be somewhat overwhelming. Without any constraints it can be difficult to know where to start! So today, in partnership with the fabulous JJ Media Group, I’m here to give you an idiot’s guide on how to do it!

Work out your budget carefully

You might think that opting for a blank canvas venue would save you a lot of cash BUT that’s not always the case. Make sure you check with your venue what is and is not included in the hire fee. If you have to start bringing in things like furniture, lighting, portable bathrooms and external catering companies it can actually end up being a much more costly exercise.

Reign those ideas in

It can be tempting to go wild and bring in any and every idea you have, but if might end up looking more like a hot mess than wedding. Picking a few key ideas or motifs will (usually, there are always exceptions to every rule!) look a lot better than a lot of different things mashed together.

It’s tempting to jump in and buy everything you see and like right away, but try not to. Do your research first and really consider the look and feel that you’re hoping to achieve before you start spending money.

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My #1 Wedding Regret…

Sophie and Gareth were married last September in Wales (you can see their wedding in full in the current issue of Rock n Roll Bride magazine!) Their day was everything they ever wanted it to be, but they almost made one decision that they would have regretted forever.

Gareth and I have been married nearly five months now, and since the glitter has faded, the post-wedding admin complete and thank you cards long sent, there’s been a niggling sense of regret in the back of the mind. Nothing to do with the day itself, against all odds that was absolutely perfect (you can read all about it in the latest issue of the magazine!) Nor to do with who I married, thank goodness; he’s still my absolute number one and despite being together nine years before we got wed, it’s been like a brand new start to our relationship, in only the best way. You hear stories of people who regret not spending enough time with their other half on the day, or how much they smashed the pre-ceremony champs, or how they got carried away in all the wedding stuff and somehow landed themselves £25k in debt.

Thankfully none of those apply to me. My regret is to do with something we very nearly didn’t include. Something that was brushed aside in our initial planning as ‘something people like us just don’t have’. When I think about it too much, the thought of not having it now actually starts giving me anxious butterflies in the pit of my belly. At how much we would’ve missed, how it would’ve tainted the day and the remorse we would’ve felt. I guess I’m just going to have to take a deep breath and come out with it – my big dirty wedding secret is that we very nearly didn’t have a wedding video.

When we first started planning, we started looking at our budget, and what were our non-negotiables and what we were willing to let slip by. Photography was #1 in the absolutely gotta have it section, (well….apart from marrying each other, of course!), followed closely by good food and plenty of alcohol. And despite working in the wedding industry, knowing many talented filmmakers and highly admiring what they do, having a wedding video for ourselves was probably as far down the list of our priorities as having pristine white chair covers at our reception, or releasing doves as a symbol of our love.

We chalked it up almost straight away as something we just couldn’t afford, and I’m ashamed to admit, tried to justify our decision with a bunch of negativity; ‘everyone who needs a photographer AND a videographer traipsing after them all day must be pretty self-involved, right?’… ‘what would we do with it, force all our family and friends to come round to have an unveiling?! vom!’ I was honestly probably just jealous of the people who seemed to be able to afford everything for their wedding without so much as skipping their bi-annual holiday. Apparently weddings can turn anyone a shade of bridezilla for a small amount of time.

Now, full disclosure; we didn’t suddenly come across a pot of gold to be able to hire a videographer for our wedding. We were in the very fortunate position to be offered to do a skill exchange, a veil in exchange for our wedding footage, to help build up her portfolio. And now I feel forever indebted to Helen, because what she gave us was so much more than a wedding video.

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Having an Alternative Wedding is now a Trend (Apparently)

Breaking News! Meghan Markle is to do a speech at her own wedding! WHAT A WORLD THIS IS 🙄

Yesterday I received an ‘urgent’ phone call from a journalist at The Sun newspaper asking if I could help her put together a piece on the “alternative wedding trend” that “a lot of brides seem to be doing these days.” This was in response to the breaking news that Meghan Markle has decided to do a speech at her wedding to Prince Harry this summer. I internally chuckled as she went though a few different aspects of a wedding that they wondered if people were now doing differently (bride not walking down the aisle with her father, a white dress not being the only option, no fancy three-tiered wedding cake, no sit down meal etc) and eye-rolled extra hard into my cup of English Breakfast when she asked if I cared to comment.

I’m not trying to be a bitch, but seriously, WHAT? Since when did a woman wanting to stand up at her own goddamn wedding make worldwide headline news? I know this is a royal wedding and all, and any departure from tradition is going to make a big splash but jeeeeeeeeeez, is this 2018 or 1958!?

I didn’t speak at our wedding, but I was only 24 and not very confident standing up in front of a whole room full of people. Yet if I was getting married now OF COURSE I’d want to say a few words. It’s not even about making some kind of feminist stand, its just about being an equal and also wanting to thank all those people who helped us get to this point. I’m not one to want to ever just sit back like a little woman and let my husband speak for me. Ironically I’m now actually way more confident speaking in front of people, much moreso than Gareth. In fact if we were to get married now it wouldn’t surprise me at all if I did the main speech and he sat back and relaxed instead!

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In Hot Pur-Suit: Alternative Wedding Suit Ideas for Men

As a bride-to-be, you’ve probably spent hours trawling websites, blogs and magazines in search of your dream bridal gown – and in some ways it’s easy. Everyone’s talking about them, everyone’s sharing the latest trends, everyone’s pretty much obsessed with what the bride will wear. Err… But what about the boys? If your man has be struggling with what he’s going rock on his special day, then hand your laptop over to him for a second. Dude, we got you. Regular contributor to Rock n Roll Bride magazine, Alex Smith, has tried out all the wedding suit options you could possible think of … So you don’t have to.

I was having a conversation with a close friend recently about suits for his wedding. He said ‘it’s all too complicated, I don’t know where to go, or how to do it, I’ll probs just let my wife pick or go and hire it from the place we got our prom suits.

Just two weeks later, that friend… was dead! Not really, but with that attitude towards his suit for his wedding day, and the fact that he uses the word ‘probs’ in actual verbal conversation means that he is dead… to me. Also, just so you know for my prom I wore a white tuxedo jacket, black trousers, and dyed my hair black, but had an allergic reaction to the dye. I became the new punchline to “What’s white, black and red all over?” I bet that sunburnt zebra is laughing it up somewhere, smug prick.

Picking a suit for your wedding is extremely difficult, there are absolutely tonnes to choose from. Last time I was in Topshop there were about 30 different types of suit, and three guys in the store, so that’s 10 different types of suit per person, which means globally there are over 70 billion different suits in the world. Don’t look at that statistic like that, Katie Melua told you there were 9 million bicycles in Beijing in 2005 and you’re still rolling it out as a definitive fact, but you have a problem with my 70 billion suits?

Either way, the choice can be overwhelming, and part of that confusion comes from how you are going to acquire the suit. Much like that thing that seems like it would be fun, but will probably destroy your marriage: it’s a three way. Three different choices: Rented, Bought and Custom Made.

I figured the best way to be able to talk you through all the different processes, would be to actually go and do them. So, a few companies generously offered to take me through the process and lend us some suits to show you what you can expect from each different level.

Rent – Moss Bros – £59

Fifty-nine pounds! I mean you could buy 5900 penny sweets for that, or 59 pound sweets, OR almost 6 £10 sweets, but if you’re paying ten pounds for one sweet then I imagine your budget stretches way beyond this, you fancy bitch.

There are thousands of places that rent out suits, I chose Moss Bros because they are everywhere, near enough every high street I’ve ever walked down; there’s a Moss Bros, every shopping centre; there’s a Moss Bros, that time you were walking down a dark alley and you thought you heard another set of footprints; that was a Moss Bros!

The Process

The process is pretty straight forward, you go into a store and say: “Good morning, fine sir or madam (pick one don’t say both) I am looking to hire a suit”.

They will then show you a multitude of options of 40 or so different suits, many of which are made by Moss Bros, but also FCUK, Ted Baker and more (here I have cleverly used ‘and more,’ to mask the fact that I am unaware of any others – journalism!)

Then they’ll do this fun thing where they look at you in a slightly judgmental way and pick up the size that they think you are – act impressed it’s a party trick that they are extremely proud of. They will get it wrong sometimes, and if you are one of the people they get it wrong on then be gentle when breaking the news, imagine watching a sword swallower finish his act and then you see his pancreas has fallen out, you don’t want to scream it at him, it’s important everyone stays calm and sensitive to the situation.

On top of hiring the suit, you can hire shirts, ties, waistcoats, pocket square, even a cummerbund. The cummerbund was adopted by British military after seeing men wearing them during the colonialisation of India. But I find if you don’t spend too much time thinking about its ghastly origin, then it does look nice and works as a great way to keep your gut sucked in.

Why Rent?

To be blunt, this one comes down to cost. If you’re trying to keep things tight then only having to spend 50 odd quid on your suit is extremely reasonable.  You go and grab it a couple of days before and drop it off a couple of days afterwards, job done. On top of that the suits are exactly the same as the ones that you can buy for substantially more, you just have to try and ignore the fact that another man’s junk has been in them before, although knowing your future wife, you’re used to ignoring that HAAAYOOOOOO!!!! – I genuinely apologise, Janine’s a lovely girl.

I personally wanted to keep my wedding suit and with renting that is not an option – unless you skip the country – but I can’t condone that. Also, you do not have the option to edit the suit in anyway, it can’t be taken in, out, up, down, I suppose you could wear it inside out like The Fresh Prince, if you’re having a 90s theme – but I can’t condone that. Moss will get you the best fit possible, but it simply won’t be as good as something altered to you.

I would say that renting is the perfect option for groomsmen, each guy can go in to whatever Moss Bros they are closest too, be fitted, collect, and return the suit. It is so simple, cheap and easy… Much like Janice – HAAAAYYYYOOOO. Again, I’m so sorry for that, she’s charming.

Buy – ASOS – £125

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