A spectacle to behold from beginning to end, Rosey and Emilion’s circus wedding was a collaboration of the things they love, in a place they love, with the people they love.
With the circus in his blood, Emil’s family ties to the big top go back for generations, whilst Rosey packed her bags as a teenager to work as a knife-thrower’s assistant, before being trained by Emil’s mum as an aerialist. The couple fell in love in the big top, and so it was the perfect place to celebrate their wedding.
Rochelle, who has a number of chronic illnesses and is an ambassador for M.E Support UK, married Dan in 2014. Today she talks to us about what she learnt during her wedding planning, and shares some valuable tips for those of you in currently doing the same.
I’ve been married for eight years this year and if I could do it all over again I would; unfortunately, not because it was so enjoyable, quite the opposite in fact. There was so much going on in our lives at the time, that I ended up bombarded and smothered by things that in the end, just didn’t matter.
I was diagnosed with a multitude of chronic illnesses in 2013. I have M.E, Fibromyalgia, Endometriosis, Hyper-mobility, Costochondritis and Asthma. I had Asthma before meeting my fiancé but the rest all came hurtling at us in one giant, F-off curve ball at full speed just six months after we got engaged.
I got so absorbed in what I thought were huge issues at the time – for example, the weight I gained from not being as mobile anymore. It made me feel embarrassed and I was not feeling confident enough to go and try dresses on, so I settled and I really regret diminishing myself and our day.
I did most of the planning by myself, sitting up in bed, or with my now husband, who, added twist to our story, is neurodivergent. He was very involved in the planning but this was a requirement for him as he was never going to be able to be one of the “Tell me where and when and I’ll be there” partners. His anxiety levels didn’t allow it, he needed clear, concise information for all aspects which meant a lot more organisation required on my part.
Chronic illness takes so much away from those affected by it every day so I want to share some advice I learned in hindsight from my own experience to make sure you have the memorable celebration of your love that you deserve.
Make it Your Day
Seems obvious right? Your celebration should one hundred percent be about you and the person you love. However, once other people start to get involved it’s easy to start questioning your vision and decisions. As a chronically ill person, you need to think about your own health and make that a priority at every step. It’s not selfish, it’s survival.
Don’t listen to what others deem a ‘proper’ wedding (In fact if someone suggests your wedding isn’t a proper wedding then I would definitely strike them from the invite list!) and instead, make it the day you and your partner want and need it to be. Others will try and muzzle in and give their opinions all the time but at the end of the day, it’s your experience and you will regret not doing it your way.
Ask for Help
I let my complex of being a ‘burden’ stop me from doing a lot of things in my wedding experience. It ended up that I did most of the planning and organising by myself and on the day of our wedding my husband was ferrying people back and forth to the venue and almost missed our ceremony! It is not something I recommend at all for stress levels or your moral, I have no fun or meaningful memories of planning my day. Be a Team
It’s ironic that the day of love and commitment you are planning for you and your partner can actually be one of the most argument-inducing subjects and times in your relationship. For anyone who is chronically ill, stress can be a huge trigger for flare. As my husband is neurodivergent, he isn’t always the best at communicating, especially when there is pressure or in a time sensitive situation.
We used an approach, that we actually still to use to this day, for any stressors or conflicts during planning. We planned a time in the day where we could begin discussions calmly and without distractions.
This shoot is such a dream, with soft fabrics, gorgeous florals and a real life couple. Sent to us by AE Events and shot by Flavio Debarros, it got us dreaming of a sweet summertime celebration.
Always tempted by a sweet treat, the pretty pink macarons are the perfect favour for any wedding table, nestling in amongst the soft textured ribbons and tulle.
High school sweethearts in New Zealand, Alisa and Henry were on the same rowing team, sharing their first kiss at a regatta late one night on the edge of a lake. After spending 15 years together including moving across the world to the UK, the couple were determined to celebrate in their own way. They told us, “Our inspiration was simply celebrating us!”
Having an issue dedicated to all things eco and sustainable, meant that for this shoot we only wanted to work with brands with this core ethos behind them too. All the items featured in this editorial come from brands putting sustainably at the forefront of everything they do. Whether that’s selling second-hand or vintage pieces, using 100% recycled or recyclable materials, or employing manufacturing processes that are kinder to the planet.
The location we shot at, room2 in Chiswick, was chosen because it’s the world’s first whole life net zero hotel! The hotel uses 89% less energy per m2 compared to typical UK hotels, and it is the first hotel in the world to fully account for its entire carbon footprint, making it ‘whole life net zero’.
Renewable energy is maximised on site with solar and ground source heat pumps, which convert 100% of the energy needed for heating, cooling and hot water and the rooms have ultra-low flow pressure showers (which use less water) and ultra-energy efficient lighting and appliances.
The hotel has a zero-waste policy (and is the first UK hotel to introduce food waste into its in-room recycling bins). Even the roof space has been maximised for sustainability; 200 tonnes of soil and wildflowers have been planted up there to increase biodiversity and absorb CO2, along with beehives and bug hotels!
Did you grow up with the myth that “love is all you need” to make a marriage last? From a psychotherapist and relationship coach Gloria Zhang’s perspective, here’s why that’s a pile of doo-doo, and what you should do instead…
During the last legs of my former relationship, I felt like a deprived puppy begging for scraps of affection. Like most relationships, it started off just fine and seemed to reach a plateau. That is until we found ourselves in the most popular case of couple’s Russian roulette: The Pursuer-Distancer dynamic.
Sound familiar?
I felt needy and they felt trapped.
The clingier I became, the more they needed space.
And every time my partner got annoyed; I would get a flashback to being a seven-year-old kid again who was receiving the cold shoulder from disappointed daddy.
The mindboggling part is that neither my partner or I were “bad people”. We genuinely loved each other and had soccer-field sized list of common interests. So why couldn’t we meet the other person’s needs?
Despite the seductive appeal of “Rollercoaster Relationships” that is oh-so-glamorised in Hollywood (The Notebook, anyone?), it makes for a miserable love life.
And it is trust and safety that makes for a lasting relationship, not drama.
The key to improving, and maybe even rescuing your own relationship is understanding WHY this dynamic occurs between you and your partner.
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