After the Vows: Attachment Styles and their Role in Your Relationship

Did you grow up with the myth that “love is all you need” to make a marriage last? From a psychotherapist and relationship coach Gloria Zhang’s perspective, here’s why that’s a pile of doo-doo, and what you should do instead…

During the last legs of my former relationship, I felt like a deprived puppy begging for scraps of affection. Like most relationships, it started off just fine and seemed to reach a plateau. That is until we found ourselves in the most popular case of couple’s Russian roulette: The Pursuer-Distancer dynamic.

Sound familiar?

I felt needy and they felt trapped.

The clingier I became, the more they needed space.

And every time my partner got annoyed; I would get a flashback to being a seven-year-old kid again who was receiving the cold shoulder from disappointed daddy.

The mindboggling part is that neither my partner or I were “bad people”. We genuinely loved each other and had soccer-field sized list of common interests. So why couldn’t we meet the other person’s needs?

Despite the seductive appeal of “Rollercoaster Relationships” that is oh-so-glamorised in Hollywood (The Notebook, anyone?), it makes for a miserable love life.

And it is trust and safety that makes for a lasting relationship, not drama.

The key to improving, and maybe even rescuing your own relationship is understanding WHY this dynamic occurs between you and your partner.

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Romantic Gothic Elopement in Washington

Eloping in a national park with just five of their close friends and family, Tabatha and Richie planned everything themselves, exactly the way they wanted it.

“We didn’t follow the expected traditions of a wedding itinerary,” Tabatha told us. “We booked a lake house in the national forest for four nights and cooked meals, played Switch games and board games, and just spent quality time together. The memories from that weekend are some of the most special that I have. I am so glad it became such a low stress, intimate event for us.”

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Casual Tasmanian Elopement on International Non-Binary People’s Day

Paris and Danni’s elopement may just be the ultimate anti-wedding! Re-planned in just 48 hours thanks to ever-changing COVID restrictions, they held a private ceremony at a cottage in Meander, Tasmania with only their closet friend, a photographer and celebrant there with them. It all worked out great though as their new date, July 14th, is actually International Non-Binary People’s Day!

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