It’s important to remember that conflict within your relationship is normal. You are separate individuals with your own thoughts and ideas so of course you will disagree from time to time. But especially when wedding planning when everything feels so important, you’re spending so much money and trying to deal with extra fun surprises like your aunt who won’t sit near your mother or your bridesmaid who hates every. single. dress suggestion you make for her.
The aim here is not to eradicate disagreements but rather learn how to navigate them more effectively without them escalating AND end up with a wedding you love. Here’s our advice:
Start by having open and honest conversations with your partner about your individual desires and priorities for the wedding. This is the foundation of conflict resolution. Listen to each other’s point of view without judgment or interruption. Identify what matters most to each of you and prioritise those elements in your wedding plan.
You both may need to let some things go here, this is a partnership after all, one person can’t get their way all the time! Maybe they REALLY care about what band you have, and although you’d probably choose someone else, you realise it’s more important to them than it is to you – so let them have it.
It’s a cliche because it’s true – the only real way to work through your differences is to meet somewhere in the middle. If one person always “gets their way” and the other always has to concede, it can lead to resentment or feelings of unfairness.
Look at the things you disagree on and see if there is something you can adjust so you are both happy. Maybe you want a huge wedding but they’d prefer an intimate affair. Could you do a private ceremony and small lunch with a few loved ones and an ‘everyone’s invited’ party on another day?
Find a way you both win
Negotiating things such as about the overall wedding style can be challenging if you and your partner like very different things. Often the partner who is the more action focused one (AKA the one who will be doing most of the work) gets more of a say, but if you’re equally invested, just blend the two styles!
Yes, it’s unconventional and on the surface, you may not think your pretty, floral theme will work with his desire to name the tables after superheroes, but in our experience it’s the weddings that are a bit wacky, a bit unconventional and a total mix of the TWO people getting married which are the most special.
It will work because the two of you work. That’s so much cooler than having a flawless Pinterest wedding. Trust us.
Hire a wedding planner
A wedding planner can help mediate discussions and provide a neutral perspective, helping you make decisions that take both partners’ desires into account. They also have the experience to make suggestions on why something will or will not work or offer alternative ideas you may not have thought of.
What are you really fighting about?
It’s also worth remembering that often, the thing you’re arguing about is rarely about the real thing you’re arguing about. On the surface you might be arguing about the cost of wedding flowers, but try to strip it back and look at what’s lies underneath. Yes, flowers may seem trivial but if they’re not understanding your point of view, or why you want to get certain ones, are you inadvertently hearing that they don’t care about your feelings or opinion?
It is unlikely that they are saying anything to deliberately to hurt you, so try to identify the feeling/s rather than focus on the action and communicate this to your partner.
Core value disagreements
Its one thing to not like their idea to wear a purple suit, it’s a very different thing to disagree on things like religion, politics or whether or not to have children.
If your disagreements are about core values, go to pre-marriage counselling. These are core items in a relationship that affect the whole marriage. It’s the same thing with finances and lifestyle choices; you need to be on the same page about these sorts of things in order to make a marriage last.
People will spend thousands on their wedding but no time to work out their issues. Many religious institutions offer pre-maritage counselling and even if you think you’re all fine and dandy, this can be a really useful thing to take part in before you say ‘I do’. Work out your big issues and learn how to effectively communicate. It’s worth way more than dress, floral arrangement or party.
About Electric Sugar Elopements
Electric Sugar Elopements, based in Las Vegas, offer all-inclusive elopements. With one phone call, you get an officiant, venue, photography and flowers! If you want a stress-free, ‘you-focused’ wedding then we can’t think of any better way to do it.
That’s not to say you’ll be tied into a restrictive package as they offer plenty of options for personalisation. They encourage their couples to suggest wherever they want, especially when it comes to location. While there are plenty of chapel options in Sin City, if you want a more alternative wedding venue they can suggest a plethora of awesome spots to suit your taste and wedding theme.
- Photography: Electric Sugar Elopements