How To Write Your Own Vows


Writing your own wedding vows has got to be one of the best ways to add a personal spin to your day. Forget the DIY and quirky reception décor, the ceremony is really where it’s at!

Before you put pen to paper, sit down somewhere quiet and answer the following questions. While there are no wrong answers, the ones that you give will be the perfect jumping off point for some really personal vows and will help you if you get stuck!

Why marriage?

Why do you want to be married over just living together? What does being married mean to you? Security? Having a someone on your team? Commitment? Eternal happiness?

Why do you want to write your own vows?

Is it because you want to make it more personal? Maybe you don’t like the traditional vows? Maybe you have something specific you want to say or promise?

How do you want your partner to feel when they hear them?

Happy, excited, emotional, special?

What is something cute, funny or incessantly ‘them’ that they do?

What do they do that no one else does? What about them makes you laugh or smile? What drives you round the bend about them (but you secretly love them for it)!?


What are your common, quirky interests?

Comic books, music, pets, kids, fashion, Japanese art?! Little references to those interests will make your vows funny, personal and special (“I promise to be the Princess Leia to your Han Solo”, “I promise to never complain about feeding the cat…”)

Do you have any in-jokes?

Your vows are the perfect chance to be 100% yourselves. Do you have any silly in-jokes, words or language that only the two of you use? Do you have pet names for each other?

For example Gareth and I call our anniversary our “marriversary” and instead of asking if the other person wants a cup of tea we say “cup of smee…” as in Captain Hook and Mr Smee… Who the hell knows where they come from but these little colloquialisms will make your vows even more personal!

Was there a defining moment in your relationship?

Have you been through tough times when they were really there for you? Did you have the holiday of a lifetime together? What about the birth of your first child or getting your first fur baby!?

When did you first realise you loved them?

Remind yourself what happened and how you felt. Did you tell them right away or did they say it first?

What five things do you love about them the most?

Pretty self explanatory! Get really specific and try not to be too general. Instead of saying “I love the way you make me laugh”, write down the exact ways that they make you laugh.

Is there something special you want to promise them?

To be their rock… to support their unusual career… to always do the washing up?!


Once you’ve got all these things written down, however long or short your answers, it will become much easier to start writing your vows. Take the things you’ve already written and form them into a couple of paragraphs. A good structure would be as follows:

♥ Start by making them feel really special and loved. Remind them why they are so bloody amazing, make them feel like a million dollars. Flatter and compliment them, tell them why you love them and how they make you feel.

♥ Then follow that by making your promise(s) to them. What does being married to them mean to you? What will change? What will NOT change?!

♥  Finally, look to the future and tell them how you see it. What do you hope your marriage will bring?

And you’re done!

If you’re feeling apprehensive about the whole thing, remember this: Your vows are for one person and one person alone. While other people will listen to them, you shouldn’t ever consider if what you say will entertain or impress your guests. That’s not what it’s about at all!

Keep it real, be honest and be yourself. This is the time for you to forget the noise and stress that can surround a wedding day and focus on your love and the marriage you’re about to enter into.

Good luck!



  1. Thank you for positing these tips. I’m soon to be writing my vows for my upcoming July wedding and I’ve had no idea where to begin. This is really helpful!

  2. This is a REALLY great! To me the ceremony and the I do is the most important part of the entire day! I framed our vows (that we wrote ourselves) and have them in our bedroom…reminds me of the promises we made everyday. x

  3. if you would like loads of examples I have a collection from personal wedding ceremonies over the years! Your ceremony is what sets the tone to your big day and your whole life together. Have fun, be romantic or serious, whatever makes YOU TWO Rock n Roll. Love to you.

  4. Ruby

    Thanks! These are great pointers, my wedding isn’t for another 10 months, but I like to get prepared early, and I had no idea where to start with our vows.

  5. Great stuff! I’ve just met a bride who was asking me about how to write her own vows and I’ll pass link to her. Timing is everything!


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