With a brand new year just around the corner, I’d imagine a lot of you are starting to seriously SWEAT IT about your upcoming nuptials. Fret not dear reader, because I’m here to help! I put a call out on Facebook the other day asking if you had any dilemmas you’d like help with and oh boy did you! In fact I received so many questions both on Facebook and via email that I’ve decided to do a few of these Q&A style posts over the next few weeks. I love doing them and I hope I can help some of you out.
If you have a wedding related question, concern or problem, feel free to email me too. While I can’t reply one on one, I may well turn it into a future blog post or magazine article!
Can you help me with dealing the post wedding blues? Or preparing for after the wedding? I wish I had planned for it as I feel quite down now the wedding is over. Sarah Helen
If you’re not prepared for them, the post wedding blues can hit you like a high speed steam train. Feeling down once your wedding is over is perfectly normal though and not something you should be ashamed of. It doesn’t mean you’re any less happy to be married, it’s usually just because you loved planning your wedding (and put so much of your heart, soul and time into it) that you’re feeling a bit lost afterwards. Hell, I got them so bad, I became a full time wedding blogger!
While the post wedding blues aren’t something you should feel bad about, you shouldn’t wallow in them either. Take a short amount of time to ‘grieve’ that your wedding is over but then make a conscious decision to (in the nicest possible way) get over it! Now is the time to throw yourself wholeheartedly into your marriage. Plan some fun days out together, keep up your date nights, talk to each other and have lots of sex!
Sure, planning a wedding is amazing, but believe me, being married is way better!
I’ve written more about the post wedding blues here.
How do we break the news to the parents that we’re eloping? Its a fine line between planning our dream and pleasing our parents… Pascale
When you’re having a unusual or alternative wedding it can be hard to navigate between doing what you really want and keeping the people you love happy. But here’s the unfortunate truth: In life, whatever the situation, it is impossible to pick one outcome that will satisfy every single person that your choice affects. Even if you had the most traditional, family-pleasing wedding, there’d be someone who didn’t like your menu, or someone who hated the band…
If I was you, I’d sit down with your parents and your fiancé and just be honest with them. Remind them that eloping isn’t a sign that you love them any less, it’s just what you feel is right for the two of you. It might be hard on them, but ultimately you do have to put yourselves first. You’ll only regret it otherwise. As much as a wedding is about celebrating with family, it’s also about starting your new life as a team… a partnership… and putting that person and your relationship before everything else.
However that’s not to say that you shouldn’t try to compromise. How about suggesting that you or your parents throw a post-wedding party once you get home?
I plan on having three bridesmen rather than any bridesmaids. How do we go about the hen party and wedding dress shopping? Do I have a chief bridesman!? Nicci
I personally don’t think anything should be any different just because you have boys helping you out! Have a chat with your bridesdudes and ask them what they expect from the job. Do they still want to organise a hen do? Are they bothered about being involved in the dress shopping? What would they like to wear?
Just treat them the same way you would any ‘normal’ bridesmaid (well, maybe without putting them in a dress..!) And if you want a chief bridesman, go for it! These days I think having a maid of honour is more of a formality than a necessity anyway. Just do what feels right!
How do we deal with different groups of friends coming together on the day? We have a lot of different groups, and it just seems weird to have them all at the same place at the same time. It would be nice to have them all there, but I don’t know how to deal with it. Besides table seating, how do make sure the groups don’t share all your secrets with everyone there? Some people don’t even know I told them secrets, because I’m open and loud to certain people and quiet around others… Lisa
I hear you girl, it can feel weird to bring friends from different circles together. But here’s the most important thing – they all love you. Your relationships might have different dynamics but that doesn’t make one ounce of difference to how much you (or they) value the friendship.
Not inviting a certain group of friends won’t send them a very good message. It’s likely to cause more drama than getting them all in the same room ever would! It think it’d actually be a better idea to have a family-only wedding and not invite any friends rather than exuding only some of them.
Try not to worry too much about it. You can sit them together, or you can sit them apart. Do whatever makes you feel the most comfortable. For our own wedding we actually sat different groups of friends together and it worked fine! Yes, there might be a few awkward conversations in the beginning but they do have something in common – YOU! Weddings tend to bring people together and before you know it your great aunt will be dancing with your fiancés cousin and your school friends will be doing shots with your work friends until dawn!
I also think that ‘sharing secrets’ will be the last thing on people’s minds on the day, but if you are worried just have a chat to the ‘secret knowers’ beforehand. Say something like, “Hey, so-and-so doesn’t know about X and I’d prefer to keep it that way. Can you keep that to yourself when you meet them?” On the day everyone will be so happy to be a part of your wedding that gossiping or making trouble should be the last thing on their minds anyway!
We’re getting married abroad and I’m worried about looking good in the heat. What kind of dress won’t make me sweat to death? How the hell will my eyeliner stay on? And how to I explain to someone who can’t speak English how I want my hair and make up without doing a night course in the language? Emma
Natural fibres! If you can get a 100% cotton dress even better. Anything man-made will make you sweat buckets. Also, think loose and light. If your dress is too tight or the fabric too thick you’ll be hot and unconformable all day. When you go to try dresses on, tell the sale assistant that it’s for a destination wedding and you’re a bit worried about getting too hot. They should be able to recommend you the most light and airy styles. For inspiration, here are how some other gorgeous destination brides did it!
In terms of make up, I have a couple tips about making it last as long as possible.
♥ I’ve found that the Benefit Magic Ink and the ‘They’re Real’ liner both have some pretty epic staying power. Another thing worth investing in might be temporary eyelash extensions as falsies may well fall off and normal mascara could run.
♥ Use a primer before you put on your foundation and invest in a Beauty Blender. Yes, £15 for a make up sponge might seem excessive, but believe me when I say they transform how well your foundation goes on (and stays on) your skin! Gala actually wrote a brilliant post about how she get’s her oh-so-flawless matt skin. You should totally have a read of that and here are some DIY make up tips from my girl Elbie!
In my opinion, investing in a professional make up artist is totally be worth it though. My make up always lasts 17493 times longer when it’s been done by a pro. If you’re worried about a potential language barrier then make sure you have a trial beforehand so you can check you’re on the same page before the wedding. Also, bring photos of what you want. Showing someone pictures of the exact thing you’re after will be much easier than trying to explain with hand gestures and mime!
What are the laws surrounding destination weddings? Patrícia
They vary from country to country but as a general rule, if you’re getting married abroad then the marriage won’t be legally binding back home (if you’re from the UK, I’m not sure about other countries). You’ll just have to go to the resister office to sign all the legal documents before you go or when you get home.
I’m having a non-traditional, intimate wedding for £4000 and am having a hard time finding a photographer and videographer that come in under budget. Any suggestions? Sadie
There are a couple of ways to save money on the images and video of your wedding and I’ve actually written extensively about it before. So check out that post and good luck with finding someone awesome!
I’m quite a shy person when meeting new folk and especially wedding suppliers. I quickly get out of my comfort zone and the supplier takes over and before you know it I’ve agreed to a dancing elephant and gold encrusted centrepieces (slight exaggeration). I find it difficult to turn people down. Any advice on letting people down easy and finding the confidence to speak up when it counts? Alison
This might come as a surprise to you, but I used to be quite shy. I wouldn’t speak up, not wanting to upset anyone or rock the boat. But here’s the thing I soon began to realise: There’s no point complaining that things aren’t going your way if you don’t try your hardest to MAKE them go your way! You don’t have to be an arsehole to get what you want, it’s just about not being afraid vocalise it.
I have three pieces of advice to help you get over your shyness, Alison. The first is to ‘fake it before you make it’ and by that I mean just go into these meetings pretending that you’re not shy! It might be easier said than done at first, but the more you practice being the confident you, the more it will become your reality.
My second titbit would be to talk to your fiancé beforehand so you’re both on the same page about what you want (and more crucially DO NOT want) from the suppliers you’re meeting with. Tell him/ her that you have trouble speaking up and ask them if they can do it for you if the need arises.
Finally, don’t worry so much about upsetting the suppliers! It’s much less personal to them than it is to you. They’re really just pitching for a job, and if they’re not the right one for you they are not going to be offended if you don’t book them. I’d also imagine that for the most part, the majority of suppliers would actually prefer to work with a couple that really knows what they want, rather than someone who was a bit vague. It makes it much easier for them to do a good job if they know what’s expected.
After a meeting you should always confirm everything that you’ve discussed over email (so you have it in writing) and remember, nothing is legally binding until a contract is signed. So even if you shy away from saying what you really think in-person, or you change your mind afterwards, you can always craft a polite “Thanks but we’ve decided to look elsewhere” or “We’ve had a think and now feel that the elephant might be a little bit excessive” email afterwards.
For other shy or introverted brides I hope this post I wrote on wedding day survival for introverts might also be helpful.