Help! I’ve got Pre-Wedding Cold Feet

Devlin Photos

July 16, 2014

Photography farm Workshop Styled Shoot Brighton Beach

Ive been with my fiancé for nearly 7 years and when we got engaged in October I was over the moon. Now we are planning the wedding and I keep having dreams about running away and going on adventures on my own. We’ve talked about it and he understands it doesn’t mean I don’t love him and I’ve spoken to a lot of people who’ve told me its very normal but I’m worried about it.” Lauren 

First off, your fiancé is right, being nervous before a massive, life changing event (like marriage!) is perfectly normal. In fact you’d be completely abnormal if you weren’t a little bit apprehensive about what the future might bring. But as someone who’s been married for six years, let me tell you something – nothing really changes and any subtle differences are TOTALLY for the better!

The safety and security you feel in your relationship when when you’re married is like nothing else. It’s difficult to explain it to someone who hasn’t yet taken the plunge, but just knowing that this person has chosen to be with you, and only you, for the rest of their life is a wonderful feeling. Fights don’t have the same devastating effect, and you can be yourself more. It’s unlikely that a little tiff or disagreement will end the relationship (which you might have always been worried about before) and although you drive each other crazy sometimes, it doesn’t matter because you love each other SO MUCH.

Photography farm Workshop Styled Shoot Brighton Beach

Being married doesn’t mean you can’t – or shouldn’t – still have adventures on your own. In fact you most definitely should! Just because you’re hitched, doesn’t mean you have to be joined at the hip. I think it’s actually quite unhealthy when couples can’t spend any time apart. As long as you’re both OK with it, going on solo holidays, or away with your friends can be really good for a relationship. I do it all the time and it means I actually get to miss him and it’s so much more awesome when I come home.

For me, the key to a happy marriage is communication so I’m so happy to hear that you’re talking to him about your feelings. Never keep things hidden or bottled up, it’s a recipe for disaster. Remember, being married means that you’re a team. You have each other’s backs, and you choose this person as your number one, before anyone else. I know that I can go to Gareth with any fear, worry or weird thought and he’s not going to judge me. In fact he’s going to go out of his way to fix it and help me through it, because that’s what being married is all about.

Oh, and in terms of actually dreaming about running away, I’m no dream psychologist but I’d imagine that it’s just your subconscious working through all the emotions you’re feeling right now. I know when I’m particularly stressed or worried about things I have the weirdest dreams about my relationship. However I did a little research and allegedly dreaming about leaving somebody you love actually signifies that you are ready to leave the past behind and move forward. Now that sounds like a pretty good omen to me!