How to… Beat the Post Wedding Blues

October 8, 2010

So the wedding is over. This baby you’ve been nursing for the last year or so has flown the nest and you’re now a happily married lady. You’re a wife! You’re the happiest girl in the world…now instead of wedding questions people are asking you about babies! Life couldn’t get any better and you’re on top of the world…right…right??

Well no. Maybe you’re not. Maybe you’re a little sad, blue, depressed and low. You’re so happy to be married but at the same time your bummed you’re no longer ‘the bride’. Even us self-proclaimed anti-brides can sometimes let ourselves admit that we loved being the centre of attention and that we had the best time planning the biggest day of our lives and pouring over every little detail… so much so that we really really miss it. We feel like our current situation has no purpose and we are certainly not ready for babies just yet… we’re in limbo.

Let me first say, don’t beat yourself up about feeling sad that the wedding day is over. It is perfectly normal to mourn a little bit that the thing you’re whole life has been focused around for the past year is now over and done with. Your wedding has probably been a huge feat of engineering for you. You’ve put your heart and soul into it. You’ve learnt skills you never knew you had and you’ve diy-ed, crafted and researched your little heart out… but now what?

Well I wasn’t ready to give up the wedding thing as soon as we got married (I think that’s actually pretty obvious!) Nearly 3 years later I’m still living and breathing this wedding world… in my own special way of course! I didn’t feel like bounding head first in to the traditional wife/motherhood role and you know what, I really don’t feel bad about that.

And neither should you.

So, here are a few little tips that should help you to banish those inevitable post wedding blues…

♥ Don’t feel guilty about being sad. If you’re anything like me, the planning of your wedding was a huge, life-changing experience and a massive learning curve for you (I bet you learnt skills you never knew you had and did things you never thought you’d do!) Anything that’s been that big a part of your life is going to be a bit difficult to let go of. Just because you feel a little down doesn’t make you any less happy to be married and certainly doesn’t make you a “bad wife.” Just make sure your new husband/wife knows this too – just because I’m (still) obsessed with weddings doesn’t make me any less obsessed with being married to Gareth and he knows that!

♥ Don’t have wedding regrets. This is something I still really struggle with! Surrounded by awesome weddings everyday doesn’t half make me think “Ooh I wish we’d done that”, or “Oh God her dress was so much cooler than mine.” Seriously I need to stop it and so do you. You made the decisions for your wedding because they were right for you and suited you guys at this stage in your lives. Copying someone else’s idea of what makes a cool wedding isn’t really what it’s all about is it? Our wedding was perfect for the 2008 Kat & Gareth. Would the 2010 Kat & Gareth have the same wedding? Probably not. Does that make our wedding any less special? Does it heck!

♥ Tell him/her how you feel. You married this person for a reason right? Surely you can tell them anything? Share your feelings. I very much doubt they will think any less of you… and you know what they say – a problem shared is a problem halved. Just talking about how you’re feeling may make you feel better. Just be sure to not make them think you wish you weren’t married full-stop. Not a good move.

♥ Don’t think you have to have babies, like NOW. It’s actually almost inevitable that as soon as you say “I Do” people are asking you when babies are on the way. Now personally that is one thing that freaks me the F- out. I’m not saying never, but I’m not going to be putting any kind of pressure on myself to do that any time soon and you shouldn’t have to either. Just because you’re now married doesn’t mean you’re an instant baby making machine (unless you want to be of course). Chill out and enjoy being married for a while!

♥ Don’t grow up. Being married doesn’t (and shouldn’t!) strip you of who you are as a person, as an individual. Yes, you and your husband/wife are now a parnership – one flesh and all that – but don’t go losing the part of you that they fell in love with in the first place. If you rocked out a gigs every weekend or crafted your little heart out making silly little things, don’t go stopping that now because you’re now an “old married.”

♥ Start thinking about new projects to get your teeth into. How about utilising all those amazing new skills you picked up through your wedding planning to launch a brand spanking new career or hobby? I have lost count of the number of people I know who got married and then become photographers/ planners/ stationary designers/ bloggers and the like. They’ve taken the bit of their wedding that they particularly enjoyed and ran with it. The wedding is over but it doesn’t mean the specific planning part you loved has to be a distant memory.

♥ Keep in touch with your wedding buddies – the people you met in chat rooms, on blogs and on Twitter. Chances are, if you all got married at around the same time, you’ll be going though the same life stages too. It’s great to have friends from school/uni/work etc, but if none of them are married, it can sometimes be hard to remember what you have in common. This is NO disrespect to your old friends and I certainly don’t think you should be breaking ties now you’re hitched, but just add to that circle of love with the girls (or guys) you’ve met who might be doing the same things you are.

♥ If a career relating to the wedding industry isn’t for you then try to stop reading wedding magazines and blogs. This is a controversial thing or me, as a wedding blogger to say – and I certainly don’t want to be shooing my readers away as soon as their married – but I’d encourage you to broaden your horizons to the things you look at online. By drooling over all the newest weddings being published on blogs and in magazines, it can only make you sad not to be bride yourself anymore. HOWEVER…on Rock n Roll Bride I do try and keep things fresh and relevant to all my readers (brides-to-be or not) so don’t feel like you’ve got to scarper as soon as you say “I Do”.

♥ Remember, this is the beginning not the end! You (hopefully) got married to be married and not just to have the wedding – remember what it’s all about. The wedding was a big fabulous party to celebrate you standing up and declaring to spend the rest of your lives together – so go and start living those lives!  Don’t slip into those married stereotypes. Keep your relationship fresh and exciting. Have a weekly/monthly date nights, spend a few hours on the sofa in the evening, laugh often, go on picnics, take a walk together, go shopping as a couple, decorate, cook, HAVE SEX!

Sure, getting married and planning the most awesome, kick ass and Rock n Roll wedding is ace, but being married is the best. THE ACTUAL BEST.

Enjoy being married.

Look forward and not back.

…Ahhh love!

Photography Credit: You Can’t Be Serious