How to… Beat the Post Wedding Blues

So the wedding is over. This baby you’ve been nursing for the last year or so has flown the nest and you’re now a happily married lady. You’re a wife! You’re the happiest girl in the world…now instead of wedding questions people are asking you about babies! Life couldn’t get any better and you’re on top of the world…right…right??

Well no. Maybe you’re not. Maybe you’re a little sad, blue, depressed and low. You’re so happy to be married but at the same time your bummed you’re no longer ‘the bride’. Even us self-proclaimed anti-brides can sometimes let ourselves admit that we loved being the centre of attention and that we had the best time planning the biggest day of our lives and pouring over every little detail… so much so that we really really miss it. We feel like our current situation has no purpose and we are certainly not ready for babies just yet… we’re in limbo.

Let me first say, don’t beat yourself up about feeling sad that the wedding day is over. It is perfectly normal to mourn a little bit that the thing you’re whole life has been focused around for the past year is now over and done with. Your wedding has probably been a huge feat of engineering for you. You’ve put your heart and soul into it. You’ve learnt skills you never knew you had and you’ve diy-ed, crafted and researched your little heart out… but now what?

Well I wasn’t ready to give up the wedding thing as soon as we got married (I think that’s actually pretty obvious!) Nearly 3 years later I’m still living and breathing this wedding world… in my own special way of course! I didn’t feel like bounding head first in to the traditional wife/motherhood role and you know what, I really don’t feel bad about that.

And neither should you.

So, here are a few little tips that should help you to banish those inevitable post wedding blues…

♥ Don’t feel guilty about being sad. If you’re anything like me, the planning of your wedding was a huge, life-changing experience and a massive learning curve for you (I bet you learnt skills you never knew you had and did things you never thought you’d do!) Anything that’s been that big a part of your life is going to be a bit difficult to let go of. Just because you feel a little down doesn’t make you any less happy to be married and certainly doesn’t make you a “bad wife.” Just make sure your new husband/wife knows this too – just because I’m (still) obsessed with weddings doesn’t make me any less obsessed with being married to Gareth and he knows that!

♥ Don’t have wedding regrets. This is something I still really struggle with! Surrounded by awesome weddings everyday doesn’t half make me think “Ooh I wish we’d done that”, or “Oh God her dress was so much cooler than mine.” Seriously I need to stop it and so do you. You made the decisions for your wedding because they were right for you and suited you guys at this stage in your lives. Copying someone else’s idea of what makes a cool wedding isn’t really what it’s all about is it? Our wedding was perfect for the 2008 Kat & Gareth. Would the 2010 Kat & Gareth have the same wedding? Probably not. Does that make our wedding any less special? Does it heck!

♥ Tell him/her how you feel. You married this person for a reason right? Surely you can tell them anything? Share your feelings. I very much doubt they will think any less of you… and you know what they say – a problem shared is a problem halved. Just talking about how you’re feeling may make you feel better. Just be sure to not make them think you wish you weren’t married full-stop. Not a good move.

♥ Don’t think you have to have babies, like NOW. It’s actually almost inevitable that as soon as you say “I Do” people are asking you when babies are on the way. Now personally that is one thing that freaks me the F- out. I’m not saying never, but I’m not going to be putting any kind of pressure on myself to do that any time soon and you shouldn’t have to either. Just because you’re now married doesn’t mean you’re an instant baby making machine (unless you want to be of course). Chill out and enjoy being married for a while!

♥ Don’t grow up. Being married doesn’t (and shouldn’t!) strip you of who you are as a person, as an individual. Yes, you and your husband/wife are now a parnership – one flesh and all that – but don’t go losing the part of you that they fell in love with in the first place. If you rocked out a gigs every weekend or crafted your little heart out making silly little things, don’t go stopping that now because you’re now an “old married.”

♥ Start thinking about new projects to get your teeth into. How about utilising all those amazing new skills you picked up through your wedding planning to launch a brand spanking new career or hobby? I have lost count of the number of people I know who got married and then become photographers/ planners/ stationary designers/ bloggers and the like. They’ve taken the bit of their wedding that they particularly enjoyed and ran with it. The wedding is over but it doesn’t mean the specific planning part you loved has to be a distant memory.

♥ Keep in touch with your wedding buddies – the people you met in chat rooms, on blogs and on Twitter. Chances are, if you all got married at around the same time, you’ll be going though the same life stages too. It’s great to have friends from school/uni/work etc, but if none of them are married, it can sometimes be hard to remember what you have in common. This is NO disrespect to your old friends and I certainly don’t think you should be breaking ties now you’re hitched, but just add to that circle of love with the girls (or guys) you’ve met who might be doing the same things you are.

♥ If a career relating to the wedding industry isn’t for you then try to stop reading wedding magazines and blogs. This is a controversial thing or me, as a wedding blogger to say – and I certainly don’t want to be shooing my readers away as soon as their married – but I’d encourage you to broaden your horizons to the things you look at online. By drooling over all the newest weddings being published on blogs and in magazines, it can only make you sad not to be bride yourself anymore. HOWEVER…on Rock n Roll Bride I do try and keep things fresh and relevant to all my readers (brides-to-be or not) so don’t feel like you’ve got to scarper as soon as you say “I Do”.

♥ Remember, this is the beginning not the end! You (hopefully) got married to be married and not just to have the wedding – remember what it’s all about. The wedding was a big fabulous party to celebrate you standing up and declaring to spend the rest of your lives together – so go and start living those lives!  Don’t slip into those married stereotypes. Keep your relationship fresh and exciting. Have a weekly/monthly date nights, spend a few hours on the sofa in the evening, laugh often, go on picnics, take a walk together, go shopping as a couple, decorate, cook, HAVE SEX!

Sure, getting married and planning the most awesome, kick ass and Rock n Roll wedding is ace, but being married is the best. THE ACTUAL BEST.

Enjoy being married.

Look forward and not back.

…Ahhh love!

Photography Credit: You Can’t Be Serious

29 comments

  1. rachel

    Thank you! Thank you! This post is pretty much what I’ve been going through since getting hitched about 7 months ago. No one ever talks about it so I thought I was going insane! How can I be so happy to be married to the man o’ my dreams when I feel so blue and distant!?!?!

    Your list is filled with great advice. For me, it really helps to know I’m not alone in how I feel.

  2. AnnaBanana

    Just back from my honeymoon this week. Kat, I swear you just KNOW ME. I’d like to say that there are a lot of blogs out there that used to be wedding blogs or are design and not entirely wedding related but fit well with the post wedding mindset (A Cup of Jo, Design*Sponge, Decor8, etc.)…now I’m an avid Kat fan and wedding blog fan to the core BUT I also realize that my blog obsession wasn’t going to disappear overnight. So just put a spin on that something that you loved in your wedding planning, design, fashion, etsy, flowers, travel, etc. There are a million things to love out there in blog land and you don’t have to entirely give up on the wedding bit. Just like the stress before the wedding, when that day comes they say you have to just let it happen. And once it’s gone, there’s nothing you can do to change it, so why stress about it. It was beautiful the way it was. Be happy now and more forward in your life. You’ve reached your prize, celebrate that!

    That being said, I’ll probably be back for my Thursday treats quite regularly for some time. I give Kat props for keeping this up post wedding, it takes more stamina than I thought while going through the process, and I was just reading! Go Kat!

  3. 5 weeks of wedding cold turkey. Brilliant timing. People have started to call me ‘Mrs Cranky’ because I’m not a happy enough newlywed. Do they not know I’m missing looking forward to my wedding?!

    Cheers Kat, awesome as always. x

  4. love this post, the day after the wedding is such an anti-climax, spent six months afterwards trying to work out where I wanted to go from there and now have my own business, (that’ll make my graphics teacher insanely happy) I still get to read all things wedding related but its so much better not having to spend every waking moment thinking and worrying about the wedding.
    my husband said we’d renew our vows on our 10th anniversary as we married on our 5th..so 2014 wedding for us lol, but Im learning from the last one and when it gets to 2014 i won’t worry about the little things as its the fun/love/memories that count in the end 🙂

  5. Thanks for this post –

    I was feeling directionless and frustrated after the wedding, and my husband actually pointed out that I had spent every free moment during the past 2 years planning for this one thing… and of course I would have “post-wedding depression.” I am so glad I married the man who knows me better than I know myself! Talking about it really helped. And knowing I’m not the only one to feel like this helps, too!!

    The advice about starting your own business is great – planning the wedding helped me realize how much I can get done 1/2 hour at a time and I’m going to continue that work ethic in another field (pet portraits!!). Even though it’s not wedding related, it’s good to discover how efficient you can be when you’re passionate about something.

    Thanks Kat, you are such a breath of fresh air!!!!

  6. Lizi

    Thank you Kat, loved this post so much, it really captured how I’m feeling.

    Reading yours and other wedding blogs has seemed like my guilty little secret in these last few post-wedding months. But I can’t help it, I just adore all things wedding related, they are full of love laughter and beautiful dresses…what’s not to love?! It’s like the wedding planning process opened a whole new world to me. Before I got engaged I had no idea what all the fuss was about!

    I want to channel the inspiration I find on wedding/photography blogs into a new project…not sure quite what yet but I am excited about the future (and my husband is behind me 100% which feels amazing!)

    Thanks again, I will openly and proudly continue to read your blog!
    I am a wife but will always be a bride at heart! 😉 x

  7. Post author

    All your comments make me happieee! I’m so pleased Ive resonated with a lot of you. DONT feel bad! Go channel that post wedding slump into creating something amazing. I cant wait to see what you all come up with!
    (Rennie – bet portraits – LOVE that idea!)

  8. fizz

    Thank you so much for this post, it has really helped me to know that other people feel the same and that I am not a completely bad person for having all these wedding regrets!

  9. Bella

    Hi there,

    thank you so much for this post, I thought it was just me! after 6 weddings (excluding mine), 8 brides and another two to go… all in the space of 3 years, it has been really hard to let go.
    Regrets are few, but would still love to do it all again 🙂

  10. Bella

    Once again I need to thank for this post and the replies from the bloggers. I got married last may and have been plagued with nightmares about my one and only regret…. that my dress was sabotaged and didn’t fit me on my special day! I feel like i can finally let it go. Thanks a bunch to all you ladies and to you Kat for a great blog.
    xxx
    bella

  11. Ina

    Thank you for this words. I married in May and now I feel a little bit empty and useless. 🙁

    I think it’s time for a new tattoo or something new to do! 🙂 and for sure …. spend a lot time with my wonderful husband!

  12. Jenni

    This is amazing! Thank you so much for this. I am now Mrs Ellis and incredibly happy however I do have a wedding gap. This was really useful.
    Thanks
    Jenni
    xXx

  13. nicola

    6 weeks married….down and sad that it is over! However, I love being a wife and this is the start not the end x

  14. Ashley

    Another awesome and nail-hitting post, Kat!! 😀

    I don’t think I’ve really gotten the post-wedding blues…. yet? I’m actually quite enjoying just being able to chill out after work with my husband (who also got caught up in the climatic chaos to get everything finished in time!!) and filling my weekends with friends and fun things!

    Although, we do still have the thank you cards looming over us to be done (waiting on a cool image from the photographer!). And in 24 days (!!!) we’re off to take on ALL the theme parks of Florida!!

    Must say I’m finding all the “Oh, it’ll be babies next” or “you have all that to come next” assumptions or “it’s all down hill from here” comments particularly ingratiating.

    I think we’re both just happy for (and have deliberately let) things to go back to how they were now that we’re “husband and wife”: fun, relaxed and a bit stupid, haha.

    😀 😀

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