Help! My Fiancé & I Have Very Different Tastes – How Can We Style Our Wedding to Reflect Us Both?

Photography Credit: Sweet Caroline Photography (full wedding here)

Last week I received the following email from bride-to-be Tiffany…

Dear Rock n Roll Queen,

My name is Tiffany and I’ve been a quiet reader for a while. Reading your blog has always gotten me excited for my own wedding and I’m happy to say, that after 8 years, me and my fiance are going to get married. It’ll definitely be diverse since his parents are Scottish, mine are American and he is Canadian.

But, I digress.

You see, I have a problem. I look at weddings on your blog, admire how unique they are and can’t help but want mine the same way. After all, I’m a weird, unique dork. I wanted my colors to be neon green and hot pink, with glow sticks in my bouquet, splatter paint tablecloths, video game favors, lego bride and groom toppers and so much more. But my fiancé is so old-fashioned and ORDINARY. He doesn’t want our wedding to stand out and be memorable.

So I toned down EVERYTHING. Ordinary favors, ordinary toppers, light green and light pink… nothing unique. The problem? I don’t wanna be upset at my own wedding because there is nothing of me there. Me and my fiancé both LOVE video games but he’d rather decorate our wedding with flowers?! He said that weddings should be approached with maturity, but when I look at your pictures, it’s obvious that people are fine with letting your inner child out.

Anyway, I’m getting married in September and I wanted your advice. How should I approach Ian again? I already talked about compromising. I just figured, with your expertise, you would understand and know how to handle it.

Much love, Tiffany

So I mulled this over and emailed Tiffany back to ask if it was OK to share her email and offer some advice via a blog post. I figure that way, if any more of you are having similar woes you can benefit from this too.

I actually got chatting to the ever wise Roo about this topic as she’s had some experience with feeling like her wedding ideas were being stifled too, and so we decided that she’d address this subject. She’s good at that is our Roo…

♥  ♥  ♥

Dear Tiffany,

When Kat forwarded your message to me, my interest (and empathy) was immediately piqued. You see, I too am stifling my inner child for the sake of my wedding – for the most part, anyway. Like you, this blog has long been bookmarked as a constant source of fantasy wedding inspiration, and when Lamb and I got engaged I was beyond excited at the prospect of all my scrapbooking coming to life. I figured that our dreamy dream wedding would soon be a reality, but as luck (well, yours and mine) would have it, I was mistaken. Like you (again), there have been aspects of our wedding planning that I would say have been – for lack of a better word – hindered. Unlike you, however, the culprit isn’t my husband to be; the culprits are our parents.

We have had to compromise on a lot of decision-making surrounding our wedding – from what part of the country it’ll be in, to what kind of venue we’d like, what type(s) of entertainment we could have on offer – even down to the cake. As frustrating as it is, it’s important to remember that there are solutions; it just takes a certain amount of patience and a lot of forward thinking.

 Photography Credit: The Rogue Magnolia (full wedding here)

My first suggestion is to show your fiancé the above e-mail. When Kat suggested posting it to the blog, you were keen for us to keep it verbatim, names and all. I think this in particular speaks volumes about your predicament, and I really believe that if your fiancé knew the extent to which you’ve gone just to seek advice, he’d actually start to listen. This is more than confiding in a friend – this is confiding in thousands of readers who I am sure will jump to your aid with their anecdotes and understanding. Your fiancé has to realise and recognise your desperation.

There are certain parts of our wedding that we changed for the benefit of our families, and at first I didn’t think I would get over it. Most notably, I figured I’d never be able to accept that our wedding is in a different part of the country than we had originally hoped for; now, though, I’m glad that we had to compromise, because it turns out that Brighton (our initial dream destination) isn’t host to the type of venue that we actually want (somewhere we can host the ceremony and reception). Similarly, I wanted a confetti cake instead of a traditional fruitcake, but both of our mothers felt strongly that we should keep it traditional. So, we have. The compromise was easy, because while the taste of the cake keeps our families happy, the look of it is our decision. I had hoped that we would hire in a photobooth for the reception, but my mum wasn’t keen on the idea (whether this was for monetary reasons or down to personal taste, I don’t quite remember). To combat the problem, I’ve decided that we’ll make our own photobooth and fund the materials ourselves. I’m confident that once my mum sees the good job we’re going to make of it, she’ll be one of the first in line to strike a pose!

Photography Credit: Marianne Wilson  (full wedding here)

You say that your fiancé holds the belief that weddings ‘should be approached with maturity’, and that’s fine. I know that I am quite obviously biased, but I do feel that he’s left himself blinkered to just how creative your wedding could be. When I read that you were both into gaming, I immediately thought of one of my favourite styled shoots: these Super Mario wedding ideas from Green Wedding Shoes. I love how it manages to take the game’s key elements and yet style it into something that is still aesthetically amazing for anyone who isn’t familiar with it. In short, it’s not obviously a gaming theme (at least, I don’t think so) and I think that something like this could work from the ‘mature’ angle that your fiancé prefers. Show him this example, and look through it together. I’m sure you’ve shown him images of things you’d like to take as inspiration for your own day, but why not have him read some of the testimonials of your favourite weddings? Perhaps he’d start to soften if he knew the backstory to some of the weddings you admire, and the choices those couples have made.

When our parents expressed their disapproval of us getting married in Brighton, one of Kat’s first suggestions was to hold our wedding ceremony wherever our parents wanted, and to follow it with a huge, no holds barred party wherever we wanted, full of all our personal touches. This would be my second suggestion as a solution to your problem. You can even stick closely to the wedding theme by wearing your dress all over again, except this time you can do cartwheels in it, just like your inner child would insist you do.

Photography Credit:  Lehua Noëlle Faulkner via Green Wedding Shoes

I think that right now is an apt time to open up the floor to the readers – they’re a wise bunch, you know. At times like this I think it’s always surprising to find just how many other people have experienced the same dilemma, and perhaps your fiancé will take heed not only of the lengths you’ve gone to in order to reach a solution, but also of the pearls of wisdom from lots of other people who sympathise and hope that you can work things out. Above all else, I hope to load up the blog one day in October and see your crazy, colourful wedding featured! Good luck!

With love,

Roo (AKA Rock n Roll Jester)

26 comments

  1. Brilliant post! I too have a similar predicament. My other half has only been to one wedding which was very traditional and conservative – therefore that is how he expected our wedding to be. Unfortunatly such an idea sends me running screaming – white chair covers? Nooo!!! Also our parents do have expectations of something elegant. But that’s just not us! Goodluck with your wedding Tiffany, we’l both have to get discuss out troubles with our men and find a theme that feels like ‘us’!

    Thanks for the great advice Roo x

  2. Kat, Roo, Tiffany – you’re all fantastic and really hit the nail on top of the head with this post. SO MANY of us Brides to Be are going through this dilemma. I was almost in tears when the parents-in-law insisted that my groom try on morning suits (which we did and they were awful!), but you know what? We’re going ahead with a light blue suit a-la the most recent Muppets Movie for him. I feel that if you start your marriage thinking about everyone else’s expectations, that’s how things will continue. This is you and your fiance’s chance to shine and put on a ruddy great party celebrating your unique love – do what you want!

  3. Oh what a difficult situation to be in – if it was parental pressure, I think it would be much easier to say no (unless they’re paying I suppose, which adds an extra layer of difficulty!), but if it’s the person you’re marrying, then it’s much harder.

    However, it sounds like you’ve compromised what you want much more than he’s compromised about anything, which isn’t really the point of compromise, it it? Perhaps you can find some middle ground – maybe work out which things he is less concerned about and start with funking those things up.

  4. MissKimberlina

    Great post Roo/Kat and of course right on the money as this is something most will experience in wedding planning. I do feel like it is fighting a losing battle with my mum and feel like I have to justify my/our choices to her.

    When I told her we are going to Vegas to get married her face fell, I have a close relationship with my mum and just that look alone saddened me. We did have a heart to heart about our different ideas for the wedding and she explained that when she married my dad (when she was 19, some 39 years ago) it was her parents who organised EVERYTHING, they chose where, when, and apart from the dress, every detail. My mum is an old fashioned kinda gal and wants the big white wedding for me but I think she knows me well enough to know that I wouldnt want that or have that without some sort of protest! So yes I had to make some toned down changes to my wild ideas – as her comments echoed through my head – “Skull centerpieces…. are you being serious?” and so I considered what was ACTUALLY important to me, and skull centerpieces wasn’t it.

    It was only when we went dress shopping that she surprised me, we went to a traditional bridal shop and must have tried on 10 different styled big white wedding gowns. I thought that she would LOVE this, she actually said that I didn’t suit these wedding dresses and that it just wasn’t me enough. It was only when I found a picture of my dream dress (on this here blog – Cheers Kat!), I showed my mum and she told me to buy it immediately! Not traditional style, not traditional colour and to be honest – she shocked me! She told me that it was very “me” and still beautiful and girly. Just when I thought that my mum didnt get my tastes or views she surprised me most. Now she is really excited about Vegas but will still be happy with our marquee reception back in the UK (minus the skull centerpieces!).

    There has to be compromise from both sides, when you get engaged and everyone tells you “you can’t please everyone” or “do it your way and don’t try to keep everyone happy”, it simply isn’t realistic for some people! I would LOVE to do this, although my mum may pull faces at some of my choices I stick to my guns over what matters to me and give her a bit of what she wants too. I also find that giving her a part of the wedding that she is 100% in control of keeps her happy and a little more off of my mind!

    Sorry about my long ramblings but I hope this helps you and any other brides who are experiencing similar problems :)

  5. keeley

    very interesting post, since starting to plan my wedding im so fed up of hearing judgemental comments and getting confused looks from certain more traditional family members (and some friends!) but i just think . . . this is my day, if you dont like where im getting married, or you dont agree with what my partners wearing, if its not what is ‘expected’ and you dont like that – dont come. im sure you wont be missed! that may sound harsh but at the end of the day the wedding should be about you, your love and both of your personalities should help shape the day! dont listen to anyone else!! good luck! :)

  6. Jenn

    I don’t know if you’ve done this already, but SHOW your partner the weddings that you love with all the funky details. If you are just telling him then it might not really come across right and he could be picturing a kid’s birthday party instead of the beautiful, colourful wedding that you are imagining. I found that when I described something unconventional to my partner he wasn’t really sure, but when I showed him pictures and sent him links of what I meant then he started getting on board with it. Show him weddings that have the balance of creative and elegant.

    And also, compromise goes both ways, if he is vetoing your decor ideas, you should have full domain over certain things like your attire and bouquet, go crazy with those!
    My partner had a similar view in that a wedding is a serious and momentous occasion and should be treated that way, but that doesn’t mean you can’t also have fun with it and put your personal stamp on it, and that is what he has realised and come around to. Now he is excited to incorporate things that we really like because it’s our day!

    Good luck!

  7. AmyWritesStuff

    This post makes me realise that I’ve actually been pretty lucky with my wedding planning – I’m getting married in a month, and there have been a few raised eyebrows (you want to walk down the aisle to Bloc Party?!!!), but no one has told me I CAN’T do anything. It won’t be the most radical, cool wedding in the world, but it will hopefully be kinda sweet and quirky, and not just your average traditional wedding.

    Good luck with your fiance Tiffany – maybe the neon colours, glow sticks and paint spatters will make for a gorgeous trash the dress shoot after the big day?

  8. Ruth

    I think deep down both my fiancée and I would have chosen very different types of day if it was a solo choice. He has dreamed of a big stately home civil wedding meanwhile I dreamed of a short legal bit one day and rainbow Methodist blessing wedding and hog roast in a Guide campsite the next. What we are doing in 5 weeks time (!!) is a pick and mix wedding; rainbow, civil wedding (with all the traditional trimmings -sit down fixed meal etc), evening hog roast in a 18th Century hall on the campus of the university we met at.

    Before any planning is committed sit down and talk about what you both dream off or at least want. Give the chat time to settle and then compromise. The whole wedding planning experiences is about talking things through and compromising. You both love each other and strong enough for marriage then it’s strong enough to make some choices together. Sometimes it can take you somewhere unexpected. My sober fiancée settled on rainbow chevron ties from etsy in the end…

  9. Kim

    I can relate. My fiance and I are having to find compromises. We are having a Pastafarian ceremony, so he’s onboard with doing things differently, but not THAT differently. For example, although there is no such thing as a traditional Pastafarian ceremony, we do know that pirates must be involved, so he’s agreed to ask anyone who is bringing small children to dress them like pirates. And we can have His Noodliness embroidered on the ring pillow (I’m still trying for a plate or bouquet of spaghetti for the ring pillow, but we’ll see), but he’s not letting his dad dress like a pirate (even though his dad would love to).

    I’m finding that if I bring something up, let him freak out, then bring it up again later with a slightly more subtle variation I can slowly ease him into being more creative. He’s probably never going to be okay with our officiant wrapping a piece of spaghetti around our wrists for the handfasting, but he might let our daughter have a little stuffed parakeet on her shoulder.

  10. Dear All,

    This has moved me. I was fortunate enough where my (now) hubby literally let me rock anything I wanted, my only restraint was budget. We originally planned to get married in Scotland so we could have a Buddhist service and then get very drunk on very good whiskey! Three weeks before the date (yes, three), he decides to put forward his opinion of it being too far. Gutted doesn’t start to cover it. I’d organised a lot.

    I still managed to pull in parts of me (the invites had already gone out with skulls on and the cake was all created locally with skulls on too!) but that compromise really pulled the rug from under my feet.

    I found it really helpful just talking with him and people I trust about ideas. He really was happy to go with whatever I suggested (apart from Scotland…) but made sure I kept an eye on spends, which felt a little frustrating at the time but he has the sensible brain of the two of us.

    So; I didn’t get the Buddhist Ceremony in a field, by the sea with a wicked Whiskey and hog roast party after, but I did get to marry a wonderful man in a beautiful building with a lot (more than I anticipated due to the short notice of changes etc) of amazing friends and family. We had fun, we have a lot of wonderful pictures and we’re happy little chickens.

  11. Amy

    My partner’s objections usually run along the lines of this conversation:
    Me: Darling, have you thought about this place as a reception venue? I might email them for a brochure.
    Him: I don’t like that place.
    Me: Why not?
    Him: Well it has a bad reputation, it’s not very nice, why would we have our party there?
    Me: Have you ever been?
    Him: No. I heard it doesn’t look nice though…
    Me: Even after it was closed, refurbished, and opened with different owners?
    Him: It was? Oh…
    Me: So I’ll email then!
    Sometimes, it’s a matter of perspective… I don’t often take his objections at face value! (They are just as often valid as not, by the way!)
    I’m sure you have dug deeper into the reasons behind your fiance’s objections to your ideas, but finding the reasons behind what he wants (and doesn’t and sharing your reasons) might help you to get a middle ground to work on! I hope you guys figure something out.
    And I hope that if my post wasn’t helpful in a practical sense, at least it made you laugh!
    Amy x

  12. Natalie

    I really felt like I wanted to comment on this thread as your story really touched me and made me realise how lucky I am. My fiance and I have a lot of the same opinions on taste, music, style etc and both decided early on that we wanted our wedding to be really quirky to reflect us both (we’re having a Jamacan BBQ on a roof in East London in June). Plus our families have been really laid back and let us do our thing.

    I think the other posters are 100% right in that you need to put a mood board together to show your ideas and approach the subject with your fiance by showing him that fun doesn’t mean garish and that is is possible to incorporate quirky elements with traditional ones. I think your idea of pain splattered tables could look really classy and designy if done in the right way.

    I just think that you really need to communicate with your fiance about how much this is upsetting you and you both need to come to a (real) compromise, which means meeting in the middle with a quirky wedding that’s not too crazy. I hate to state the obvious, but getting married is about making promises to each other, and one of those promises is to respect the other person and always listen to them. If you have a wedding that isn’t a compromise and doesn’t make you happy, you’ll set off on your marriage on the wrong foot and I think you’ll always regret that you didn’t have the day of your dreams.

    I really hope everything works out for you and you find a way to make the wedding something you both are happy with!

  13. ildarabbit

    I empathize! Like others have already mentioned, I struggled to fulfill my mother’s desire for a super traditional, formal day with my own desire for a really laid-back, casual affair that eschewed most the reception traditions I have never related to.

    Many of my ideas led to shocked face from my mother :-O. And I’m not talking about anything really crazy. I’m talking about “oh maybe I’ll have a huge dessert buffet instead of a cake” and “we are not having a first dance becuase my fiance doesn’t dance”. I also had to compromise on certain things with my fiance. But the important thing is that compromise involves both parties meeting half-way, not one person letting go of all of their ideas to please the other.

    In the end, I realised the importance of compromising here and there (I did end up with a cake but I chose a really a kid’s cake covered in bunnies becuase that’s something I love). For me, I did see the wedding as not being all about me, but also about our families so I didn’t want to have anything that might really upset someone – I felt that it was not worth it. But there is also a certain power if you are the one doing most of the organising. Sure my mom and fiance had opinions about the flowers, but I was the one sourcing and booking them so I had the final say. If you are the one doing most of the organising AND you’ve already incorporated many of the desires of your fiance – make an executive decision and include something that is really important to you. I’m not saying that you should override decisions behind your fiance’s back, I’m saying you have some freedom including things that you feel are a good halfway point between what you both want. So go ahead and have your crazy bouquet, you deserve it after be so mature about everything else.

    Incidentally, I agree with the advice that you should show your fiance pictures from weddings you admire. Describing your ideas can conjure an awful mental image and he may not realise that some quirky touches can looks really classy and even mature. Also, a lot of wedding ideas people have are based on what one has seen others do. Seeing that (lots!) of other grown ups out there are having weddings that are quirky and personalised might make it seem like it’s less of an unusual choice for you two.

  14. Sarah

    I really wanted to comment here as the letter really touched a nerve for me.
    I too have been reading Kat’s blog from the minute my (now) hubby proposed and had wonderful amazing bright ideas about my dream wedding- all of which my hubby was super supportive of.
    Unfortunatly, my parents weren’t.
    Everytime we suggested something, it caused huge rows as they felt a traditional wedding was best. At one point, they even threatened not to come to the wedding. It was awful.
    So, we ended up doing exactly what THEY wanted, having the wedding of their dreams.
    Til this day, I completely regret it. Don’t get me wrong, marrying my hubby was the best moment of my life and something I would never ever change, but everything else…
    What I’m trying to say, albeit in a very long round about way is, compromise is great and essential, but if you completely give up on your dream, I think you may regret it. I know we do!

  15. Meri

    I felt I needed to share a few of my thoughts that came to mind reading the abowe.

    Firstly how do you and yor husband to be relate to the word mature? – To me maturity relates to self knowledge. A major part of it is to be true to oneself even if it’s against common expectations or traditions. But it also means doing things in consideration to others. – Can you relate to this?

    Secondly a wedding is the beginning and the celebration of a marriage. Marriage is definately something you should take seriously – and that should show in your wedding somehow. But how does having classic and conservative table settings portray that? I think this aspect is best brought out in speeches and your wows to each other. To my mind the decor is there to brovide backdrop for your wedding celebration (a word that I highly doubt means seriosity in eighter of your vocabulary). And as every marriage is different, unique and personal so should be the weddings too.

    Now the part about concidering others: you want your guests to have fun, so keep your play list partly conventional so everyone will have the urge to join the dance floor at some point, have some wedding traditions in your program, and keep grandparents and kids in mind when designing your menu. If you feel that some of your guests might not understand your personal viewpoints on the decor you can always expalain it to them. The decor is about who you are and what is your esthetic taste – it does not demonstrate how serious and mature you are in regards to the actual marriage.

    I hope you can work something out that will please both of you.

  16. Emma

    Wow Tiffany I really feel for you!! I had a very very similar problem up until the weekend. My fiancé and I FINALLY found a way to agree.
    Basically we have been engaged for around 2 years, we have booked the venue, and aside from this could not agree on ANYTHING!!
    We were out with friends on sat night and were asked how our wedding plans are going. To which I replied, ‘it’s horrible and stressful and whoever said this is the best time of your life was so wrong!’ and on Sunday morning he finally rolled over and apologized for being unhelpful and difficult and said he wasn’t being helpful because he didn’t know exactly what to suggest (or what he wanted) but also didn’t like ALL the things I suggested. We sat up, went through the miriad of inspiration pictures I had saved to my iPad and deleted all the ones he didn’t like, which he also gave valid reasons for not liking. We were left with around 10 really awesome and beautiful inspiration pics which all fit into one theme and we are finally on neutral ground.
    Stick it out, he will come around and it will be the best day ever!!

  17. Wiccabasket

    Oh hon. It’s a minefield, isn’t it?

    Why don’t you both make a list of the elements your ‘ideal’ wedding will consist of? there will be differences, sure – but there will also be similarities. Have pictures, links and actual concrete information for him to see…some people have problems imagining the ‘bigger picture’ and the image in his head may be utterly different from what you intended! I think some people do worry what other people think, and he may well be worried that people will laugh at him.

    Reading some comments regarding parents…I’m shocked. I didn’t think people were like that any more. I’m getting married, not my mother. She had her wedding day back in 1975, it’s my turn now! Same for my future mum-in-law. Luckily they have both been brilliant, mainly because I went to them with the mindset of ‘this is what we are going to do’, and tweaked things ever so slightly so as to undermine any potential disagreements. To be honest, mum’s probably too relieved that I am not getting married in scarlet to argue with the rest of my plans ;)

  18. Lucy

    Why dont you show him and REALLLLLLLLY outrageous wedding, then make some slightly more subtle suggestions……:p Hopefully he’d be happy to compromise!

  19. Katee

    @Lucy, hilarious! :)

    At the end of the day, it shouldn’t be the wedding decorations that matter. I understand you want a unique wedding that reflects your personality, but if your fiance is unwilling to budge perhaps you should let go of your glowsticks and think more about the relationship you are building.

    At the end of the day, the wedding and photos will fade away and you will have a husband to live life with. Perhaps your personaly should reflect the life-long adventure you are embarking on, instead of just the first day.

    Don’t make yourself unhappy by believing that the wedding is the only time to show your personality, is what I am trying to say.

  20. Haylee

    Oh, Tiffany!

    If nothing else, I do hope all these comments prove you are definitely not alone! I am from Australia, and the daughter of a Sri Lankan father, marrying the quintessential Englishman – so have had to tone down some of my wackier ideas. While I’m not wearing white, I’ll have to settle for a dress in a pastel hue (which I don’t mind – my main goal was not WHITE white), but now I’m struggling with culling numbers vs a father who insists I invite people I haven’t seen in years (who got married and didn’t send ME an invite no less), that I simply HAVE to invite because it’s the done thing! Somehow I think he’d turn and run the other way when he hears ‘House of Love’ by East 17 playing before he’s supposed to walk me down the aisle!
    Add to this the fact that my Mother is still trying to get me in full length evening gloves so that my tattoos are covered!
    I am thoroughly enjoying going to great pains to ensure that touches of England are included in our wedding as my fiancee is getting married here in Australia – but I do feel like less and less of me is being included.
    While the institution of marriage is steeped in tradition – the point of the exercise is to celebrate the love between yourself and your partner – and did he fall in love with you because you were wrapped in doilies and virginity? No! Because you’re amazing and quirky and fun and rad and all those things that sets you apart from any other girl in the world!!
    And remember that time you came home drunk / got that piercing / dated that serial killer and you were convinced your parents would never speak to you again? But they still love you, right? For me it really does pay to remember these things when I put my foot down!
    Compromise is a two way street, and it seems (in your email anyway) that he isn’t budging.
    Calmly and lovingly remind your suitor that this wedding has to reflect the two of you to really enjoy it – and if the wedding can’t be compromised on, how is the marriage at large going to fare?
    Sorry if my suggestion comes across as a tad more aggressive – but all things going to plan, you’re only going to do this once! Sure, cave a little bit, but not completely -after all, are you going to your wedding, or your parents’? (I’ve even gone so far as to recommend my parents renew their vows on their next anniversary if they’re so keen on having a wedding EXACTLY the way they want it!)
    Much love and light – and hoping to see photos of your personal touches on here soon!
    xx
    Haylee

  21. Beccy

    I think it’s so important to stick to your own personalities on your wedding day and not put on some charade – afterall you are celebrating the two of you not your parents.

    I do sympathise though, it would break my dad’s heart if we didn’t have a day that was both elegant and classy….but that doesn’t mean we can’t add a personal touch :)

  22. I really do feel for all those brides (and grooms) out there who feel pressured to have a wedding that isn’t a true reflection of themselves. I got married last month and I too was extremely worried about our wedding and how it would go down with our guests. But the last thing I wanted was a conservative or “normal” wedding. I had so many ideas of how I wanted our wedding to be and I tried so hard to incorporate our personalities and our different cultures – my husband is Polish – and traditions into it.

    When I told friends and family about my ideas a few were thrilled, but the majority just looked at me like I was a little bit mad. It would have been easy to get cold feet and revert back to a more conventional approach, but I held my nerve and stuck to my guns. You see nobody else could quite picture my vision. Even my husband thought I was going a little bonkers. I was lucky that my parents were so supportive. My mum was brilliant and whilst my dad didn’t quite get it, he supported me and encouraged us to plan the wedding WE wanted and nobody else.

    On the day, I had so many comments from people saying it was the most unique wedding they had ever been to and that they were surprised how well we had managed to really make the day our own. Many of our guests told us the things they will remember most about our special day were all the quirky little details we had incorporated. I guess they just needed to actually SEE my vision to be able to appreciate it.

    Tiffany, I urge you, and all brides out there, to have confidence in your own creativity. Nobody knows you and your fiance better than you know yourselves. Nobody is in a better position to plan the day YOU want. Parents and even grooms may not be able imagine how it will all come together, but don’t let this put you off. You’re going to remember this day forever. It’s important that it feels like YOUR day, not somebody else’s.

    And if you are still having trouble convincing your fiance (or parents) I suggest you send them straight over to Rock n Roll Bride to check out some of the amazing weddings featured here. I can guarantee that there is something on here that you can show them that will bring them round. Like I say, not many people have the vision, sometime you just need to show them. Pinterest was invaluable to me. Get pinning so you can show your fiance exactly what you have in mind. He might not be so opposed to your ideas once he has actually seen them.

  23. S.Cat

    Awesome article. I’ve been going through a similar thing with my mother and I understand that sinking gut feeling of “this is not what i want” (but this goes both ways, your hubby may have that gut feeling about glow stick flowers) – I have found some ways to deal with that/this that may (or may not) help:

    With the money thing: I have opened a designated wedding account and (for the engagement party) invited people to contribute to it – wishing well style – if they prefer over a gift. My family also know that if they wish to financially contribute then they are welcome to contribute to the account. A contribution, no matter what size, does not mean that they can choose what happens to the money. (I mean, once you give someone some wine glasses – do you have the right to tell them what wine to drink? pst – no, you don’t.)

    On the theme thing: Why not have a largely traditional wedding with an optional fluro gaming arcade in the venue foyer or garden? Or, if the fluro thing is what is getting the relatives down then why not have all the gaming things you want in white? A white glow stick bouquet? A white pac man cake? A white lego couple? A brightly single-coloured table cloth splattered in white paint? (I am getting away with a jumping castle for my wedding because it is white.) Why not have a white dress with fluro lining or glow in the dark shoes? (artistically, it could be implying that you’re still colourful you underneath in a wedding world.) Why not do a photo shoot in the theme of your dream but the actual meal and ceremony fairly straight forwards? Or what about doing pre-wedding events in your gaming theme? Or what about a gaming themed after party? Or what if you have a small private party the week before or the week after in your theme with those who approve and get a lot of photo’s?

    But of all things, who cares what happens in the end so long as you and your other half are in love. You’re marrying him, not your wedding.

    xxx good luck

  24. Stephanie

    I am having a very similar problem with my boyfriend. Yes, boyfriend, he hasn’t proposed yet but he said the next time I see him (we live in different countries) there was a 60 percent chance of a proposal. We’ve talked about wedding ideas before, and we have very different ideas. I want to wear a short, puffy dress with a sweetheart neckline, to show off my legs and my arms because I think they’re the nicest parts on my body (weird I know). But he thinks short dresses are stupid looking for weddings, and wants me to wear a long, mermaid gown to show off…other parts. I don’t think i’d look good in one of those at all (i’m not exactly gifted with my um…girls and bum) and I feel like he only wants me to wear that type of dress for the sex appeal. I want an outdoor wedding in spring, with lots of colorful flowers and fairy lights with a stone floor and lots of other things. He wan’ts to have it indoors and do like, a medieval theme involving stunts and action things and horses and all this other stuff. I mean, it sounds cool, but that’s nothing like what I imagined…I’ve joked with him about how i’ll just not pick anything and he can do everything, and he seems okay with that, which is really worrying to me. I hope things work out for you Tiffany, at least better than I’m sure they will for me.

  25. Retro kitten

    Oh my goodness! I’m having this exact same problem! I’ve always been the pierced, coloured hair, punk music loving one and my OH is a suit :) generally not a problem, he is open minded. But planning a wedding together is starting to get quite upsetting as he likes the really traditional hotels etc which I find really boring but, when we look at anything more creative, it’s too weird for him. The upsetting part is that I feel as though anything that reflects ‘me’ is the issue …. Some guys aren’t too bothered about wedding days but mine really is… Flowers and all!

    You have my full sympathy on thus situation, you always imagine as a girl that you’ll get to plan your wedding and when someone says no to everything it’s a bit if a shock. I will be trying out some of the advice above whilst bearing in mind that the marriage is the most important thing :)

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