A phone-free ceremony, a D20 vow roll, and a surprise Freddy vs Jason cake battle all featured at Joanna and Derek’s October wedding. Inspired by gothic fiction, horror films and dark academia, they filled the day with gaming references, library cards, and thoughtful details that made the day enjoyable for their neurodivergent guests.

“We wanted our wedding to represent us (a spooky and nerdy, neurodivergent couple) without the awkwardness that can come with following certain traditions for the sake of tradition,” Joanna said.

The couple skipped anything that felt uncomfortable or performative. Their wedding party walked down the aisle in same-gender pairs instead of matching bridesmaids with groomsmen. Guests entered the ceremony to La Mer by Nine Inch Nails while Joanna walked down the aisle with her mother and brother to the acoustic version of Everlong by Foo Fighters.

Their officiant, who was also Joanna’s maid of honour, worked references to Star Trek into the ceremony. Before pronouncing them married, she declared, “With the power invested in me by the state of California and Starfleet Command,” before finishing with the Vulcan salute and the words “Live long and prosper.”

The ceremony also included a handfasting ritual and a 20-sided dice roll to decide who would read their vows first. Joanna and Derek called it “rolling for vow initiative.”

The dark academia influence carried through all the reception details, most of which were DIY. Joanna created the table centrepieces herself using hollowed-out books, preserved ferns and sola wood flowers she dyed by hand. Their seating chart became a full library catalogue installation. Using a Remington 12 typewriter inherited from Joanna’s grandmother, they typed every guest’s name and table assignment onto vintage catalogue cards and organised them alphabetically in wooden drawers.

Place cards continued the library theme. Joanna and Derek handwrote each guest’s name onto cards designed to look like old library return slips, stamping the ‘return date’ as their wedding day.

For the cake cutting, without warning the guests, Joanna and Derek re-entered wearing simple Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees costumes while 11th Hour by Lamb of God blasted through the speakers. The pair staged a fake battle over who would get to cut the cake first. Nobody, including the wedding party, knew it was happening. “It was a complete surprise and everyone loved it!” they said.

For Joanna and Derek, planning around their neurodivergence was really important. They made lots of practical choices to make the day conformable as well as aesthetic. “If you have a neurodivergent wedding with neurodivergent guests, having pre-plated food like a salad on the table when everyone sits down is always appreciated”, they explained. “Also having some sort of conversation starter really helps to alleviate social anxiety, as does sitting people with common interests next to each other.”