Marie and Doug wanted a wedding that made sense for their lives, not one that fit into anyone else’s idea of what a wedding should look like. They both have ADHD and found the process of planning a wedding overwhelming, so instead of trying to fit themselves into a mould that didn’t work, they built a day entirely around their needs, energy levels and comfort.

They got married at The Doghouse, a restaurant in St. Merryn, Cornwall, and budgeted just £3,500. They kept it small, colourful and calm. There was no raucous party, no evening reception, and no loud music. The event ran from 11:30am to 5pm, and by 6:30, they were home in pyjamas, decompressing on the sofa. “I have always struggled with all-day and night events because I can only be chatty for a limited amount of time, then I need to go and lay down and recuperate,” said Marie. “It was nice to not have that worry on our day as it felt like the perfect length for us.”

They also wanted the day to be vibrant and joyful, full of colour and handmade touches. Their palette mixed light blue, petrol blue, olive green, orange and hot pink. Marie already had her dress, which she’d found on ASOS, so once Doug chose his suit, they leaned into clashing tones to make their outfits pop. They didn’t want to fill the room with lots and lots of décor, but what they did include was personal and crafted by hand.

Family and friends contributed to the details. Doug made a wooden photo frame wrapped in wool. Marie made her bouquet and Doug’s lapel flowers. Her mum knitted miniature versions of the couple, her sister-in-law baked the cake, and her sister sewed two tiny fabric birds as toppers. They hammered flowers onto handmade invitations, painted their own signage, and turned sea glass from Cornish beaches into keyrings as favours.

They also skipped the bridal party, stag and hen dos, and all the traditional structure that didn’t fit them. There was no seating plan or formal meal – just pizza boxes with each guest’s name so they could eat, and tequila for the toasts. Their friend Sacha officiated the ceremony, keeping it short, personal and relaxed.

They encouraged their guests to leave whenever they needed to without judgment, understanding that not everyone’s social battery lasts all day. “We have some neurodivergent friends whose social batteries run out quite quickly,” Marie explained. “It’s something I wish people would do for me at weddings.” After the ceremony and pizzas, they slipped away for a few beach photos before heading home for the night.

Their favourite part of the day was the ceremony itself. “This was the part that was the most scary but was 100% the most beautiful,” said Marie. “We decided to incorporate the speeches into the ceremony too, it made it really personal and emotional. That was the moment where it felt real, and to look around and see our close family and friends with eyes full of tears was unforgettable.”

However, if they could have splurged, they would have chosen a venue already set up for weddings. DIY weddings, however small, can be a lot more work. “Doug was in the courtyard at 8 am on the morning of our wedding building the altar, draping fabric, arranging chairs and all the rest when he should have been getting ready,” Marie explained. “I had my wedding dress hoisted up and was stood in the mud taking bunting down whilst Doug was taking the altar apart with a drill in his suit!” The effort was intense, but it made the day unmistakably theirs.

Accessibility was another key factor. Some family members use wheelchairs and mobility scooters, so they needed an even floor and minimal steps. “We initially looked at different gardens that were wedding venues and it was quite deflating so we had to rule places out because they weren’t accessible,” said Marie. “One venue even said ‘can’t you leave them up here and see them after the ceremony’ as if that was a perfectly reasonable thing to say!”

For Marie, one thing she’d change about the industry is how easy it is to fall into playing the part of ‘the bride and groom’. “There is a certain look of bridal hair and make-up, bridal heels, wedding suits, hen and stag locations etc. I had to stop and think who is this ‘bride and groom’ because it certainly isn’t us. I prefer to see people dressing like the fanciest, most joyful version of themselves and having a day that is representative of the type of people they are.”

They eventually realised that the only way forward was to ignore most of what the industry told them and build something manageable and meaningful. “Rock n Roll Bride magazine was the only thing that I had seen with a variety of types of weddings,” Marie said. “Seeing different types of everyday people with varied budgets and tastes and reading their stories was really helpful. I think being able to see a diverse selection of people having achievable, creative weddings should be more of the norm.”

Although doing their wedding their way wasn’t always easy, in the end, they are so happy with how it all turned out. Marie concluded, “Going the alternative route with weddings is not always the simplest. We had originally thought that we were making things easier but in reality that was not the case. However, stripping the idea of a wedding back to its bones then building it back up with every tiny detail that’s just for you is fun and feels so special on the day. It did mean we had to work out how we would construct this day we wanted, how to communicate what the day would be like to our guests and it felt more exposing to judgement than if we had gone with a standard type wedding. With all that said we wouldn’t have changed it as it really felt like us. We were able to celebrate our relationship whilst feeling fully ourselves on the day and that is worth the extra work.”