Four days. Three hundred guests. One full-circle ceremony. And a final blessing from a cast of drag queens.

When Monique and Lew started planning their wedding, they had one clear priority: community. Not as a buzzword, but as the core decision behind every choice. From the layout of the ceremony to the napkins at the reception (featuring their dog!), everything pointed back to their loved ones who helped shape their lives.

They began the day with a private yoga session led by a friend. Later that morning, instead of a first look staged for photos, they met at a nearby bar and shared a bottle of champagne. “That thirty minutes might’ve been our favourite part,” she continued. “It was just the two of us and it grounded us.”

It was then time for their baraat (a procession where the groom travels to the wedding venue with his family and friends, on a decorated horse) and Hindu ceremony, which took place inside, not by choice, but because outdoor options didn’t work with the size of their guest list. Instead, they brought the feeling of nature in with greenery overhead, flowers suspended from the mandap, and lighting that created a soft atmosphere.

They arranged the seating in a full circle so everyone felt part of the moment. “We didn’t want to feel like we were performing for a crowd,” Monique explained. “The circular setup meant that everyone could see and feel a part of it, it also meant we could feel surrounded by the love of our community.”

Chosing a Hindu priest from Los Angeles who had made a name for himself performing inclusive weddings for LGBTQ+ couples was a really important decision for them. Even though they are a heterosexual cis couple, Monique and Lew felt strongly that he was the right person to marry them.

Navigating tradition became a constant negotiation. They honoured Indian customs but tweaked a few parts to reflect their relationships and beliefs. They also they skipped things like the cake cutting, which felt performative and not right for them.

Instead of a traditional gift registry, Monique and Lew asked guests to donate to Heartsmiles, a Baltimore-based youth organisation where they had both volunteered as mentors. “The organisation strives to meet youth where they are at and help them flourish using all the amazing pieces of themselves that they already have within them,” Monique explained. “The kids who called us Dr. Mo and Mr. Lew taught us more than we could ever teach them.”

Their request was met with some hesitation from older relatives who thought this was not ‘polite’ or the ‘right’ way to do things. “They said that people want to give to us and help start our lives,” she said. “But we are so lucky to be able to start our lives on our own and are so glad we stuck to this.”

At the reception, guests were greeted by a seating chart made from Polaroids, each person’s face paired with a photo of them with the couple. At the tables, instead of standard place cards, each guest received a handwritten letter. “That part was probably the most questioned,” Monique said. “People thought it would be too much work. But it mattered to us. If someone had a seat at our wedding, they had a seat in our lives.”

Each table also told a part of their story. A timeline mapped their relationship: the highs, the challenges, the decisions to part ways and come back again. “One thing we are both so proud of is the path we chose before marriage. We dated and said goodbye to each other through different stages of life, learning each other and growing together and sometimes apart – but it’s all part of our love story and connection. We are very open about working with a couples therapist, one that focuses on interracial couples. We even invited her to our wedding because of how much we owe to her and how much we respect and appreciate her.”

The following day they hosted a drag brunch. “We had decided early on that there were a lot of things that we were doing to meet other people’s wants, and the drag brunch was for us”, Monique explained. “We love what drag represents. It is an unapologetically authentic art form that inspires people to be themselves and is truly empowering. We woke up that morning exhausted and kicking ourselves for planning yet another event but as soon as we arrived, the energy was so amazing. And watching our parents experience their first drag show was really special. The queens were so talented and kind.”

Planning a wedding of this scale wasn’t easy. Balancing the expectations of multiple generations, making intentional design choices, and staying true to their values took effort and patience. “It wasn’t not about doing things differently just to be different,” Monique concluded. “It was about doing them in a way that actually meant something to us. People always say, ‘It’s your day, do what you want,’ but we got a lot people saying ‘That’s not what most people do…’ Non-traditional does not have to mean you don’t respect the traditions that raised you or that your family finds important, even if they are not as prevalent in your life.”