Rekha and Mike did not grow up seeing marriage as something to aspire to. Marriage was a practical choice for them so before they began planning, they thought they’d do something pretty simple. What shifted things was their community. Over years of attending friends’ weddings, they started to notice people doing things differently and making decisions that reflected who they actually were. These were the kind of weddings they could get on board with! After one especially full wedding season, driving home together, they asked each other a simple question: what would it be like if we had a wedding?

Rekha explained, “We wanted to weave mindfulness and intentionality with joyfulness and playfulness. We decided that the best way to do this was with a jungle disco theme. Choosing to have a wedding and then landing on a jungle disco theme was a bit of a journey for us! Neither of us came to our relationship with huge dreams of a big wedding or with a lot of value placed on marriage and a wedding. This was highly influenced by each of our parents. Neither of us had grown up being told or shown that weddings are important. From Rekha’s side, the messaging I received about weddings is that they are really a thing you do out of obligation to make family elders happy. But, the idea of spending a lot of energy and money on an event that was being done out of obligation was just not appealing to either of us. We were not interested in playing a role and following a script to satisfy other people. However, slowly over the 7+ years we’ve been together, attending our friends’ weddings changed our minds.”

“Once we really thought about it, the creative and imaginative energies started flowing. The start of the planning process was very fun for us, it felt like anything was possible. We knew that if we were going to do this there were a few things that were priorities: 1) we wanted this event to be authentic and true to us 2) we wanted to create a safe emotional space for vulnerability for ourselves and our guests 3) we wanted the reception to be a full on rave.”

The jungle disco theme shaped everything without becoming costumey. Rekha and Mike wanted colour, texture and shine, not traditional wedding looks. The wedding party was coordinated in different coloured outfits rather than a uniform. Bridesmaids chose their own sequined dresses while the groomsmen wore matching trousers, boots and suspenders, paired with satin shirts in colours that matched a bridesmaid. Rekha wore a shimmery silver dress. Mike matched the groomsmen, with a sequined black top setting him apart.

Their ceremony was led by a friend and guests could sit anywhere they liked. The wedding party walked out to This Version of You by Odesza thren Rekha and Mike walked down the aisle together with their nine year old pitbull mix, Gatsby, to A Moment Apart.

Rekha also wanted the ceremony to reflect her identity. Her mother is from Nepal so honouring that mattered. Two moments from a traditional Nepali ceremony were woven in. Rekha’s mum placed a tika on each of their foreheads as a blessing for wellbeing. They also exchanged flower garlands to symbolise acceptance of one another as partners. The ceremony ended with Levels by Avicii playing as they kissed and walked back up the aisle.

Gatsby’s presence ran through the day. He was part of their family and treated as such. Instead of a cake, they ordered a large custom donut with his face piped onto purple icing. The result was cartoonish and hilarious but and perfect. Gatsby also appeared on cocktail napkins, drinks names and the bar menu.

To help shift energy from ceremony to rave, they created stations around the space – a temporary tattoo station, a glam and glow station with body glitter, LED glasses, glow sticks and sprouts.

Before the reception, both changed outfits. Mike swapped into silver Converse, black trousers with rainbow socks and a sheer sparkly top. Rekha changed into a silver sequined mini dress, sparkly trainers and a rainbow tinsel jacket. She added a disco headband gifted by a close friend.

Planning was not without difficulty. Some family members voiced worries about guest lists, cultural balance and how different sides of the family might react. “The most difficult part was having people, certain family members, come to us with worries about our wedding”, Rekha said. “For example, who we were or were not inviting, would my white American family like Nepali food, would my Nepali family be okay with only taking a few aspects of a Nepali wedding, and other details about the wedding. Some of these worries really boil down to questions that are familiar to most biracial people: are you enough of either of the races and cultures that you inhabit? And it was sad for us to have family members come up to us with these worries about how other people would react to our choices.”

“Of course, what you want is for people to come to you less worried about how others will react to your wedding and more curious about how you are feeling about your own wedding. But, the way we managed this was just to allow everyone to have their own feelings, including ourselves. We allowed ourselves to feel sad when we felt sad, but also reminded each other of our intentions and overall goals for our wedding. It was never about making every single person happy. It was about showing up for and as ourselves. And the truth is that on our wedding day we didn’t hear any complaints about any of the worries that had been brought up to us. I felt loved by both sides of my family. I remember being squeezed in a tight hug by one of my aunts on my Nepali side and feeling loved and known for exactly who I am.”