As a gay, non-gender conforming couple, tradition wasn’t something AJ and Ryan felt obligated to follow. That freedom shaped every part of their day into something intimate and imaginative. “We had no expectations on us so we could make it our own, start our own traditions”, they wrote. “We skipped pretty much all of the normal wedding traditions bar not seeing each other the night before the wedding. We kept that one for the excitement and to give each other space to decompress after the hectic build up.”

Guests gathered at Canada Lake and Lodge, in the Welsh countryside, for a bilingual ceremony filled with meaning. The couple wrote their own vows – AJ’s short and emotional, Ryan’s a mix of poetry and mischief. “If it’s not obvious by this point we are massive nerds and AJ is a Twitch streamer so video games are a big part of our lives”, Ryan explained. “We walked down the aisle to Zelda’s Lullaby and the rest of the music for the build-up to the ceremony and the wedding breakfast was all piano, string, or acoustic covers of video game music from games like Final Fantasy, Monster Hunter, and Pokemon.”

“We had three readings during the ceremony, a classic one from the registrar, and two non-traditional ones from our wedding party including a Welsh/English bilingual poem. We specifically wanted to include Ryan’s Welsh heritage and a nod to our queer nature; it’s only been 15 years since gay marriage was legalised in the UK, so our love still feels rebellious and fiery, especially in the face of current cultural conflicts.”

The couple did a lot of crafts and DIY, most notably the confetti. Not store-bought petals, but dried flowers Ryan had been collecting in secret for years: the first daffodils he gave AJ, blooms grown from cuttings of Valentine’s bouquets, and even flowers chosen because AJ once mentioned liking them in The Sims. “When our guests showered us with confetti,” Ryan said, “they were literally showering us in our history.”

The day was full of personal touches like that. Ryan made his own cape, after struggling to find something formal and dramatic that didn’t rely on gendered design. He also baked the cake and had a sword made in Italy! Funded by a small inheritance from Ryan’s grandfather, and created with the intention of becoming a future heirloom, the sword symbolised strength, protection, and just a little bit of nerdy joy. “It’s now our sword,” Ryan explained, “a blade we’ve pledged to protect each other with.” It also made a great cake-cutting tool!

Asked about the biggest challenge, Ryan pointed to the lack of resources for couples like them. “Finding things that felt like ‘us’ was hard. Pinterest-perfect weddings are easy to source, but this kind of weird, queer, joyful mess? That’s on you to figure out.”

“We’d like to see queer weddings celebrated more, as naturally a lot of things are tailored towards heterosexual couples. Inclusive language on things like registrar’s forms or your planning documents, while small, could have made us feel like we were supposed to be there instead of gay people ‘playing’ at marriage. Plus, sometimes this can help your more ‘traditional’ couples without even realising.”

But despite the gaps and challenges, AJ and Ryan created a day that was unmistakably theirs. “It’s cliché,” AJ said, “but actually getting to marry him? That was the best part.”