Traditions have a habit of sneaking into even the most alternative-leaning couples’ weddings. You say you don’t want any of it, but then family expectations/ the idea of taking the easier route/ too much doomscrolling suddenly you find yourself pricing up favours, practising a first dance and wondering whether a receiving line would actually be a nice thing to do.

Some traditions may carry personal or cultural meaning to you, if so – do them! But others are just habits and expectations the wedding industry has successfully convinced couples they need.

You can keep the ones you love, change the ones that feel slightly off and bin anything you’re only doing because you thought you had to. Your guests probably wont even notice and if they do, they’ll totally cope without them.

Getting Ready Separately

Spending the night apart and avoiding each other until the ceremony can create a dramatic reveal, if that’s something you both want. It can also mean missing half a day together and dealing with nerves in separate rooms.

Get ready together, have breakfast, choose the playlist and help each other with the impossible buttons. You could also get dressed separately before meeting for a first look and/or your photographs or have a private drink or say private vows ahead of the main ceremony.

There is no law requiring one of you to hide in an upstairs bedroom until the aisle music begins.

Being Given Away

The traditional wording around being “given away” comes with some fairly obvious baggage. Plenty of people still enjoy walking down the aisle with a parent, and that moment can hold real emotional weight without feeling like a transfer of ownership.

You can walk with both parents, a sibling, your child, a friend or your dog. You can enter together as a couple. You can arrive from opposite sides and meet in the middle. You can already be in the room when your guests arrive. Choose an entrance that reflects your relationships and makes you feel supported.

Having Matching Wedding Parties

Your closest friends probably have different bodies, budgets, tastes and levels of enthusiasm for formalwear. Dressing them identically will not suddenly turn them into a coordinated pop group.

Give everyone a colour, mood or loose brief and let them choose something they’ll wear again. Mix suits, dresses, jumpsuits and whatever else works. Skip gendered titles and have one wedding party made up of your favourite people. You can also have no wedding party at all. Friendship does not need a matching outfit to become official.

Taking Every Possible Family Photograph

Group photographs are useful. Your mum will love them and your Nan will probably have one displayed on her mantlepiece. But they are also capable of swallowing an entire drinks reception while somebody searches the grounds for Uncle Dave.

Decide which combinations genuinely matter to you and give the list to someone organised. Keep it short. You’ll probably treasure a photograph with your grandparents more than 19 almost-identical arrangements involving increasingly distant relatives.

Your photographer can capture everyone else naturally throughout the day. Guests tend to look happier when they’re holding a drink instead of waiting in a line.

Having a Receiving Line

A receiving line involves standing near the ceremony exit and greeting every guest individually. It can be a good way to make sure you speak to everyone, especially at a smaller or more formal wedding. But it can also takes AGES and be kind of awkward.

If the thought fills you with dread, spend time with guests during dinner, move between tables or arrange your day so you can join the drinks reception. You’ll have actual conversations instead of repeating, “Thank you so much for coming,” over and over and over.

Tossing the Bouquet

The bouquet toss traditionally gathers all the single women into one group before suggesting the winner will be next to get married. It assumes they all want marriage, enjoy public competition and can catch flowers while wearing formal clothes.

You can give your bouquet to somebody important, place it on a grave, have it preserved or take it home and enjoy it. If you still want to throw something, invite everyone onto the dance floor and remove the marital prophecy. Toss a plush toy, sweets or a second bouquet made for the purpose.

Cutting the Cake in Front of Everyone

Cake cutting usually takes a few seconds. Gathering every guest to witness it can take considerably longer. We’re still a bit confused as to why this is even a thing.

If you don’t care about the photo of you cutting the cake or the awkward will-they-won’t-they-shove-a-piece-in-each-other’s-face routine, ask the caterer to handle it or serve something you’d rather eat instead. Doughnuts, brownies, ice cream, pies and supermarket caterpillar cakes all perform the same essential function.

If you want the ceremonial photo, take the photo. If you mainly want a sweet treat, get straight to sweet treat.

Doing a First Dance

A first dance can be romantic, hilarious or a three-minute public ordeal during which you forget what your arms usually do.

Skip it if you hate dancing under observation. Start the party with your wedding party, invite everyone onto the floor immediately or ask the DJ to play a song guaranteed to pull your mates in. You could also have a first karaoke performance, a drum solo, a lip-sync battle or no official opening at all.

Buying Wedding Favours

Wedding favours often become another small expense multiplied by a large number of guests. Many are left on tables at the end of the night, particularly once people have located the bar.

If you love making things or have found something personal, go for it. Edible favours tend to disappear fastest. You could also put the money behind the bar, make a charitable donation or spend it on food people will remember eating.

Changing Your Name

Keeping your name does not signal a lack of commitment. Changing it does not make you old-fashioned. You can make a shared surname, combine your existing names, use two surnames, change both names or continue exactly as you are.

Think about your identity, family, career, culture and the amount of paperwork involved. Then make the decision that works for you. You do not need to defend it to relatives, colleagues or strangers in Instagram comment sections.

It is your name. That gives you the deciding vote.

Leaving Before Your Guests

The traditional grand exit gives photographers a clear final moment and lets guests wave the couple off into married life. In practice, it can mean leaving your own party while everyone else carries on drinking the alcohol you paid for.

Stay until the lights come on if you want to. Change into a sweat suit, order late-night food and see who is still capable of dancing. You can stage an exit earlier for photographs or gather everyone for a final song instead. Equally, leave at 9pm if you’re exhausted. You so not have to be the last ones to leave if you don’t want to be.

Keep the Traditions That Mean Something

Tradition can connect you with your culture, faith, family history or people who are no longer here. It can create structure, shared anticipation and moments that feel significant. If something matters to you, keep it.

Just make each tradition earn its place. Ask yourselves whether you’re excited about it, whether it means something to you and whether you would still spend the time or money if nobody else expected it. If the answer is no, cross it off.