If you’ve spent any time on wedding TikTok or Instagram, you’ve probably picked up a long list of rules about finding your dress. You’ll know it’s “The One.” You’ll cry. Your mum will cry. Your entourage will gasp. Angels will sing. The boutique will hand you a glass of prosecco and it’ll be just like a moment from your favourite Rom Com when everything in life falls back into place.

I hate to break it to you, but in the real world, most people just spend a few hours trying on different silhouettes while repeatedly asking “Can I sit down in this?”

So here are a few realistic things worth keeping in mind before your next appointment.

Stop trying to find “The One”

This might sound like wedding blasphemy, but your dress doesn’t have to be your soulmate. It’s a dress. An important one, yes. Hopefully one that makes you feel brilliant, stunning and bridal, but the pressure to find one perfect gown can make every appointment feel like a test you’re worried about failing.

You may not even know its “The One” until the wedding day… or afterwards… or maybe you’ll never be sure. Because, like choosing a life partner, there are plenty of dresses you could fall in love with. All you can do, is choose the one you love the most and suits you and your wedding vision best.

Instead of all that pressure, ask yourself some simple questions:

👰 Do I feel like myself in this?
👰 Can I picture myself celebrating in this?
👰 Am I comparing every other dress to this one?

Sometimes that’s all you need. Take a beat, walk away, and if its the one you can’t stop thinking about. It’s probably the right choice.

Don’t take everyone

The more opinions you invite, the harder it becomes to hear your own.

Your best friend loves sparkle. Your sister thinks sleeves are dated. Your mum keeps mentioning what she wore in 1996. Before long, you’re trying to please everyone except yourself.

Take one or two people who genuinely understand your style and who know when to encourage you and when to stay quiet. Quality beats quantity every time.

Try on the dress you think you’ll hate

Yes, give the ugly dress a chance! Almost every bride hears this from a stylist eventually: “I know it’s not what you described, but humour me.” And surprisingly often, they’re actually right.

A lot of wedding dresses look completely different on the hanger or even the model photos. Sometimes you need to see a dress on your body before you know how you feel about it.

If you’re shopping somewhere with a large selection and experienced consultants, like the wedding experience at Terry Costa, you’ll have more freedom to experiment with silhouettes you might never have picked yourself.

Don’t just buy the dress that photographs best

Social media has trained us to imagine our wedding through a camera lens. But if it looks great but feels terrible to wear, you’re missing the whole point. Can you hug people comfortably? Dance? Sit down? Eat dinner? Raise your arms without something digging in?

A dress that lets you move around freely often ends up looking better in photos anyway because you’re relaxed enough to enjoy yourself.

Ignore the size on the label

Wedding sizing is straight up bonkers. A number that normally fits perfectly might suddenly be two or three sizes larger. That says nothing about your body and everything about inconsistent sizing across different designers. Ignore the size label and buy the dress that fits, I beg!

You don’t have to say yes right away

Some people find their dress during the first appointment. Others visit several boutiques over a few weeks or even months before making a decision.

If you’re unsure, sleep on it. Ignore a bridal stylist who’s pressuring you to order right away (she may be working on commission). You are allowed to sleep on such a big decision if you’re not sure.

So long as you’ve not left shopping to the last minute (most boutiques suggest dress shopping 6-9 months before the wedding) you have time.

At the end of the day, the goal isn’t to have the most dramatic dress-shopping story. It’s to find something that feels like you. Whether that happens in the first boutique or the fifth, with loads of tears or not, your experience doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. And long as you end up wearing something you love on your wedding day, you did it right!