You know that one table in your seating chart that’s kind of a wildcard? Maybe it’s your old boss with a heart of gold and opinions of fire… right next to your second cousin who, for better or for worse, always spices up family gatherings. 

Well. When you’re wedding planning, your mixed emotions are all sitting at that hodgepodge table in your mind. And some of them? You definitely don’t remember giving a plus one (rude!) But there they all are, in their creative cocktail finest. 

Excitement sitting right next to Grief, having what looks like a painfully awkward convo. 

Anxiety passing the bread to Apathy. 

And of course, Overwhelm throwing elbows when it’s time for the bouquet toss. 

Why do weddings bring up so many conflicting feelings? And more importantly, how can we learn to be our own Mindset MC? 

Here’s how to play all the crowd-pleasing tunes so that even Connection and Badass Boundaries can boogie together on the metaphorical dance floor. 

The “Plus One” of Projection

Do you feel like you’ve never been this exposed, but you’re also somehow invisible? (How does that even work …?)

Congrats! As a nearly-wed, you sometimes become a symbol for everyone else’s missed opportunities, regrets, and ideas of What Is Done At Weddings™

Because they’re not always self-aware, their unfinished business might come out as judgment, advice, or just a murky cloud of unexplained guilt that seems to follow you around everywhere. You might even feel like you’ve lost the plot in the conversation. (Toto, I don’t think we’re talking about floral arrangements anymore…)

The key here is emotional “crowd control.” In other words, your Mindset MC will need to keep everyone else’s stuff out of your beautiful ballroom, thank you very much. This can be done with a combination of communication and internal boundaries. When you feel that heaviness, remind yourself that it’s not about you. You can even turn it into a moment of real connection by saying something like: “Thanks, Aunt Bertha. Is that something you wish you had done at your wedding?” And voila: fantasy and reality are dancing together like a drunk groomsman and your straight-laced mom. 

Lifting the Veil of Decision Fatigue 

Maybe you’ve been dreaming of this day for a long time. But in your fantasies, you never actually had to choose one thing to wear, one venue to commit to, or one colour palate. It all went on Pinterest together so that you could fantasise; a castle next to a retro hotel next to an epic ball gown next to a chic minimalist minidress. And now, narrowing it down feels impossible. 

On the one hand, it’s “just a day,” a snapshot of your love story as you are at this age, with the accessories that happen to be available and affordable right now. 

But on the other hand, it’s a combination of everything that’s possible, an existential quandary, and it seems like weddings should be able to defy the laws of physics. (Really, is that too much to ask?) 

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by all the choices, you’re not alone! Wedding planning is such a bizarre juxtaposition of logistics and emotions, ranging from, “This has to be perfect!” to “Fuck it! What’s the cheapest one?” 

To navigate the decision maze with confidence, think about how you want to be as you’re making choices. 

So much of the time, we make decisions based on what we don’t want: 

I don’t want to be a diva. 

I don’t want to be a pushover. 

I don’t want to be rude. 

In trying not to be a certain way, we lose touch with who we are and what we want. So if you start to feel lost in all the choices, try flipping “I don’t” into “I do!” 

Do you want to be calm? Expressive? Adventurous? Collaborative? 

Choose three words to anchor you into the altar ego that puts your best foot forward. 

Preparing Your Metaphorical Emergency Kit

As a rock ‘n’ roll bride, you’re probably already prepping an epic go-bag, with your fave concealer, lots of boob tape, and maybe even a secret flask (no judgment!)

But let’s talk about your “Emotional Emergency Kit” for all of the invisible surprises that pop up, from friendship drama to unexpected grief about changing your name. 

If you’ve tried Reddit, ChatGPT, and journaling for these metaphorical wedding crashers, then you already know: working things out on an intellectual level doesn’t always help. Think about someone who is terrified of flying: would reassuring them with the safety statistics make them suddenly excited for the turbulence of take-off? 

Not likely. In fact, they’d probably get even more anxious because their panic would come with a side of, “But I shouldn’t feel this way! It’s perfectly safe …” 

So what’s a bride-to-be to do?

One of the quickest tools to reduce stress, process mixed emotions, and move forward with confidence is called EFT tapping; it’s a powerful combo of acupressure and affirming statements to calm your nervous system from the inside out. And the best part? Literally anyone can do it, even your five-year-old flower girl. 

While it may look ridiculous and seem too good to be true, using your fingers to tap on your face and body reduces cortisol, and talking out loud at the same time literally rewires your brain to view the challenge differently. (Ever had a brilliant idea in the shower? Tapping channels the same soft-focus creativity to make that “brides-eye” view possible!)

Google “EFT tapping” to learn the basics in five minutes, and watch your world open up for wedding planning and beyond. You can tap to banish overwhelm in the heat of the moment, to figure out why you’re so upset about your fiancée’s “well-meaning” comment, or even proactively to have an amazing engagement shoot! 

By the Power Vested in You

So yes, maybe your emotions are having a wild party in your brain right now. But with the right coping tools in your Magic Bridal Go-Bag, you can show up for yourself as a Mindset MC. The perfect playlist of boundaries, values, and EFT tapping will have Overwhelm, Grief, and all their plus ones dancing in the love train, not driving it. Because this isn’t just about planning a wedding; it’s about laying the tracks for your new life together. 

About the Author

Lizzy Gobst is the founder of Love Smarts, a heartfelt hub for a more connected, communicative world. As a relationship expert, certified tapping practitioner, and perpetual musical theatre kid, she has helped hundreds of singles and couples have FUN while learning to be their courageous curious selves in love. 

Her latest virtual program, “Thrive During Wedding Planning,” tackles the unique challenges of bride-to-being by using habit psychology, boundary coaching, and EFT tapping to help overwhelmed babes focus on connection and empowerment on their journey to the #bestdayever!