Throughout history, many women have become bolder and braver about doing things their way when getting married. For millennia, rebelling against tradition in any way would likely have resulted in some unthinkable patriarchal consequence, so it is no surprise that the idea of an alternative bride is a relatively new one.
I’m not going to trawl through the earliest centuries of “Diplomatic this”, “Political that” and “Here… marry my daughter and give me that country”. There are some women that the history books have remembered as rebel brides but, like so many retellings through history, they generally seem to be inaccurate takes on women just doing what it took to survive. I’m going to skip ahead to the 19th century and begin with the woman I think was the OG rock ‘n’ roll bride as we would see it today. A woman who married the man she loved… who had enough power to be able to do what she wanted without getting punished… and who truly appeared to have her wedding her way.
Queen Victoria
Did you know that, before Queen Victoria, there was no tradition of brides wearing white? Western royal, aristocratic and fashionable brides generally wore colourful court dresses in heavy velvets. Blue was considered a popular symbol of purity and fidelity. Red was worn as a symbol of fertility. Wearing white was a mark of astonishing wealth, not least because it was very difficult to keep clean. So much so, it may even have only been worn once. Obviously, to almost all brides back then, the idea of buying a dress and wearing it once would have been unimaginable. Most women just had a bath and put on their best dress. But for Queen Victoria, I think wearing white was, at least in part, a bit of a flex. Yass, Queen.
Victoria’s wedding outfit was not only iconic due to its colour. She chose a white silk gown with a Honiton lace flounce and veil. The fancier brides of the time were all importing laces from Europe, but after Victoria got hitched in Devon lace, it sparked a revival for the dying British cottage lace industry. Her silk dress was woven in Spitalfields, just a few miles from Buckingham Palace! Queen Victoria was seemingly supporting small businesses and shopping locally!
Interestingly, less than a decade later, an American women’s magazine, Godey’s Lady’s Book, wrote that wearing white as a bride was an ancient symbol of purity. That version of history then took off and the truth about Victoria’s iconic outfit got rewritten. Millions continue to believe that choosing not to wear white as a bride is scandalous, because it suggests something about your pre-marital sex life, when in actuality, brides started wearing white less than 200 years ago because a Queen started a fad.
Bianca Jagger
From the OG rock ‘n’ roll bride to one of the most rockstar brides in history! In the 1970s, Bianca Jagger did the unthinkable. She didn’t wear a dress at all. She wore a beautifully-tailored, white, two-piece trouser suit by Yves Saint Laurent, with a whacking great big hat. The look is so iconic that countless brides have nodded to it since, including Dua Lipa earlier this year, at her Old Marylebone Town Hall ceremony with Callum Turner. Of course, there are brides who wore suits before Bianca Jagger. Marilyn Monroe wore a brown skirt-suit when she married Joe DiMaggio in 1954. But, if Elizabeth Taylor wore dresses to all eight of her weddings, then Bianca Jagger choosing trousers for her one and only wedding is pretty fabulous. Shout out to Elizabeth Taylor here for all of her iconic wedding choices too. My favourite is the pale yellow Valentino gown from 1991.
Princess Diana
Another pivotal moment for alternative brides occurred during Charles and Diana’s Royal Wedding in 1981. With the world watching, during their ceremony, Diana purposefully omitted one heretofore imperative word. Diana vowed to “love and honour” Charles, NOT to “love, honour and obey” him. I know in our modern wedding world that probably doesn’t feel like a biggie. I mean, who even says that anymore? But imagine being on the world stage and breaking tradition that way, with billions of people watching. By leaving out one crucial word, Diana took a huge stand for gender equality within marriage, opening the door for countless women after her to do the same thing.
In More Recent Years
In more recent years, there are so many brides who show the world who they are in different ways. In 1997, to avoid the massive public scrutiny that was sure to surround their big day, Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick had a surprise wedding. She wore a black, off-the-rack Morgane le Fay dress and they invited 100 guests to a “party” in New York City… and then they got married! Maybe they were letting the wider world know that their marriage was going to be about them and no one else! Seems to have worked nearly 30 years later.
In 2013, Keira Knightley did something radical by wearing a dress she’d been seen in before, at the BAFTAs in 2008. She wanted to wear something she loved and knew she’d have a good time in, and she sent out a gorgeous message about sustainability in the process. Remember those brides who all used to wear their best dress? Go, Keira!
In 2013, having worn white at her first wedding, Avril Lavigne created what has to be one of the first truly gothic punk wedding looks, when she married Chad Kroeger. She wore a dramatic black gown with a long train, carried an all-black bouquet, had her tattoos on show, and wore heavy black eyeliner and a floor length black veil. Exactly what we’d expect from her… but again, so bold to be one of the first to do it that way for the world to see! Avril walked so that Selling Sunset’s Christine could STRUT.
If you’re looking for inspo from recent celeb weddings, the aesthetics from Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker’s wedding ceremony are phenom. Same goes for Kat Von D’s Heaven and Hell at the Beverly Hills Hotel wedding. Bianca Jagger wore trousers so that KVD could wear ANTLERS, okay?! But it’s not just about the looks. Beanie Feldstein and Bonnie-Chance had a Summer Camp-themed wedding at Cedar Lakes, which is owned and run by two sisters. They hired vendors who were exclusively women. They wanted to collaborate with other creative and talented women. Such a cool approach.
There are so many ways to claim your wedding as your own. Some are fun and come from a place of “Let’s do it! Why not?” But equally, some of the alternative parts of your day may be the result of some of the harder parts of your life. For any number of reasons, you may be walking down the aisle alone. For any number of reasons, family members who traditionally would be invited to a wedding may not be present. For any number of reasons, you might have decided to do something differently.
Life is tricky and messy and weddings are never perfect. But let’s face it, if the world can believe that wearing white is some ancient religious custom, less than ten years after one Queen set a trend, then, YASS QUEEN, just remember that none of these traditions really mean anything anyway! You can choose what each part of your day means. You choose what it all symbolises or doesn’t. If you can take a leaf from the alternative brides who came before you and be brave enough to have your day your way, it’s going to be iconic.