Did you know that Claudia Winkleman took a nap half way-through her wedding? Yes, that’s right! Our beloved Patron Saint of Fringes, Great Telly, and The Colour Orange snuck off for forty winks in her wedding dress. Naps are non-negotiable for her, according to her memoir, Quite. Sleep is something she values above basically anything else. So, why on earth wouldn’t she have scheduled in a quick snooze on her big day? In this issue, all about self-love and having the confidence to do your wedding your way, I’m here to tell you to Be More Claudia when it comes to your wedding-planning… by making sure your day is a true reflection of the things that you and your partner really, actually value.

It’s no secret that an initial notion of what your day might look like can get swept away in the wedding-planning process – by the expectations of others, unsolicited opinions, societal pressures… or simply by the sheer multitude of options available!

I have personally watched couples going from a neat little plan with some friends and fam, where everybody was going to be back home and in their comfies by dinner, to a great big swanky black-tie “Do” that went on into the wee hours. The world of weddings is filled to the brim with tempting little nuggets of “this or that”: DJ or band, miniature Yorkshire puddings or teeny tiny burgers, Pinot or Picpoul. People can genuinely just get carried away on the converter belt of options, watching their original plan fade into the distance.

This can be fine in some cases. More can indeed be more. People can end up going from feeling guilty about spending money on themselves, to realising they are worthy and relishing the opportunity to celebrate. But… it can have a negative impact too. A couple can start out with a great shot at having a day which properly reflects who they are and what they want but come out on the other side with something that could have been anybody’s wedding; that doesn’t really feel like them.

So, if you’re struggling to structure the schedule, if you’re feeling overwhelmed by the menu of canapés you’re trying to choose from, if you’re just plain fed up with the mountainous mass of decisions ahead of you, why not take a moment to clear the decks? Why not step a big step back and focus in on the things that really, actually matter to you… your core values… and make sure you are planning your day around those?

You could set it out like one of those quiz maps we used to do in our cute little magazines as kids, but instead of “Which Backstreet Boy is the right boyfriend for you?” ask yourself questions about your day.

What are the elements of a wedding day that the two of you actually want to participate in? What are the things you value in life, and how can that be applied to your day? Write these things down. And also write down the things you absolutely do not give a hoot about too. Favours for example. Seriously. Listen to me. Literally nobody needs a wooden spoon with your names and wedding date on it. Keep your money in your pocket.

If you, like Claudia Winkleman, value rest, why not have a shorter day, or fewer events? If you value community, find ways to include others in your ceremony (personally, I LOVE a ring-warming. It’s such a heartwarming way to include everybody in a special moment). If sustainability is your jam, then make your day a loud and proud celebration of that! Find a second-hand dress, make a compost loo in your parents’ back garden, behind the hemp-and-bamboo marquee! If you value privacy, ask for no phones at the ceremony, or ask your guests not to post anything online until you have, or not to post at all!

If you’re coeliac and value not getting glutened at your own wedding, it’s absolutely OK to make the whole day gluten- free! Any good caterer will be able to handle that with ease. Ours did for me! If you value a calm day, you are allowed to put on your invitations that your wedding will be a child and baby free zone. But if you LOVE little ones at a wedding, come one, come all! Let the adorable, noisy chaos commence!

Does it matter to you that you and your bridesmaids all wear matching little PJ-and-gown sets while you’re getting ready? No? Bin it off. Put the money towards your honeymoon. Or paying for their hair and make-up so they all feel amazing about themselves. Or if your answer is YES, you’ve dreamt of that for years and you’ll value those memories and photos forever then DO YOU, HONEY! Off you go to Etsy! Hope the pics turn out GORGE!

All of these are just little examples of how you can take each part of a wedding day and decide whether or not it is something for you. Thinking about your values this way might just turn out to be invaluable when it comes to planning your wedding and a great way to filter out a masses of things you actually don’t care about.

Have a read of Claudia Winkleman’s book, Quite! Her chapter on weddings is so funny we took our favourite bits and turned them into a reading during our ceremony. It really reminded me that a great day is one that properly reflects the happy couple, whether it’s canapés and chandeliers, or crisps and tealights. Just remember, if you have a wedding filled with things that you really, truly value, the memories of your big day will be absolutely priceless!