There is a part of wedding planning that rarely makes it onto moodboards. It is not about budgets or dresses or venues. It is about waiting for grown adults to reply to a simple question and realising how strange and draining that experience can be.

RSVPs sound straightforward in theory. You invite people, they respond, you plan accordingly. In reality, responses trickle in slowly, arrive half complete, or do not arrive at all. Some guests forget. Some put it off. Some read the message, think about it, and never follow up. Silence becomes something you have to interpret, and that interpretation takes time and energy you did not plan for.

Chasing people feels uncomfortable because it sits in an emotional grey area. You are not asking for a favour. You are trying to finalise numbers for an event with real costs and deadlines. Still, it can feel awkward to send reminders, especially when the people you are nudging are friends or family. The lack of response can start to feel personal even when it is not intended that way.

Then there is the shift from yes to no

Cancellations happen for many reasons. Money gets tight. Anxiety spikes. Childcare falls through. Health issues appear. Burnout catches up. Most of these reasons are understandable. Knowing that does not automatically stop you feeling disappointed.

What hurts most is often not the cancellation itself but the expectation that came before it. Weddings carry an unspoken hope that certain people will show up for you. When they do not, it can trigger questions you were not planning to ask. How close are we really? Would I have done the same? Did I misread this relationship?

You can hold empathy and disappointment at the same time. Feeling let down does not make you unreasonable or lacking in compassion. It means you cared enough to imagine that person there.

Late cancellations also have a practical impact that is rarely talked about openly. Space cost money. Meals are paid for in advance. Final numbers are locked in weeks before the day. When someone pulls out at the last minute, the emotional response often gets tangled up with the financial reality. It is possible to understand why someone cannot attend and still feel frustrated about the fact you’re now going to have to pay for a meal no one is going to eat. Both reactions can exist without cancelling each other out.

Weddings have a way of highlighting patterns. The people who never quite commit. The ones who keep things vague. The friends who want to be included but struggle to follow through. None of this means you need to confront anyone or make big declarations about your relationships. Sometimes it is enough to notice.

There is also pressure to manage other people’s feelings when they cancel. You might find yourself reassuring someone who has disappointed you that it is fine, even when it does not feel fine. You are allowed to accept a cancellation politely without taking on the role of emotional support.

So, how do you deal with it all?

Part of getting through this stage of planning is realising that however much people care about you, they are never going to care about your wedding as much as you do. But also, that its OK to let go of the idea that every decision and every response needs to be handled delicately.

Clear deadlines are not rude. Following up once is reasonable. You do not need to soften everything to protect other people from mild discomfort. If you have chased someone for their late RSVP and they still don’t respond, then that’s the answer you were waiting for.

Your wedding is not a test of how many people can commit to a date. It is a gathering of those who can and do. Feeling disappointed along the way does not take away from that. Weddings – like other big life events – have a funny way of making you finally realise who really matters in your life and who your real friends are. What you do with that information is then up to you.