Weddings have always been fertile ground for brands to push their wildest, most tenuous product tie-ins. From heart-shaped tat to “his and hers” literally anything, nothing is safe. But sometimes, a marketing team takes things so far off the deep end, you have to stop and ask: did no one think to say no?

And honestly? We’re glad they didn’t.

Inspired by the latest release from HECK!, the Bride’s Lucky Sausage, we fell down the rabbit hole of unhinged, wedding-adjacent brand stunts. Some are hilariously brilliant. Some are deeply cursed. Some will make you ask “what in the late-stage capitalism is that!?”

HECK! Bride’s Lucky Sausage

Let’s start with the one that triggered this entire mess. HECK! has launched a wedding sausage for you to burying the night before the wedding, the tradition being than if you do, you’ll be guaranteed glorious weather.

Is it pork magic? Mystical meat? Unknown. But OMG did this make us laugh in the office when it came through the other day.

Toilet Paper Wedding Dresses with Charmin

In 2010, Charmin began hosting an annual competition where budding designers could create full wedding gowns out of toilet paper. And we’re not talking “haha look what I made with glue and a dream” – these dresses has trains, corsetry, and actual structure. It’s Project Runway meets panic-buying in 2020. Sadly, the canned the idea in 2016 but oh my god what a fever dream that must have been.

Taco Bell Wedding Ceremonies

For just £589, you and your soulmate can get married inside a Taco Bell. The ceremony takes place in a private chapel above the Las Vegas Strip Cantina, followed by a reception featuring a Taco 12 Pack, a Cinnabon Delights cake, and Baja Blast in champagne flutes. NGL we unironically love this idea.

Cheetos Chapel In Las Vegas

Keeping it in Vegas (where else?) there was also a pop up Cheetos Chapel outside the New York New York hotel for a while. For a brief moment, couples could say “I do” in front of a hologram of Chester Cheetah, decked out in Chester‑approved orange attire, and celebrating with Cheetos‑inspired cake-ball truffles.

Kellogg’s Wedding Brunch

To celebrate Harry and Meghan’s 2018 wedding, Kellogg’s ran a wedding-themed brunch series at an NYC café complete with Frosted Flakes Scones, Rice Krispies-Encrusted Scotch Eggs, and Corn Flakes English Flapjacks. There was even an actual wedding cake made from Raisin Bran with cream cheese frosting, edible gold and fresh flowers. Erm, yeah, sounds delicious.

Tyrell’s “Ginger and sparkle” Crisps

Another one to blame the royal wedding for, but to be fair, “ginger and sparkle” crisps sound absolutely banging so we’re not too mad about this one. These were parsnip crisps flavoured with ginger and honey, and dusted with actual edible glitter.

Heinz’ “Packet Jacket”

Heinz once created a custom “packet jacket” for a ketchup superfan. Their socials teased it like it was about to become a full product drop, but thankfully it turned out to be a one-off competition prize. We get that grooms are short on creative outfit options, but we’re not convinced condiment couture is really the answer.

“Really Useful Stuff” Registry from Tesco

Tesco recently launched wedding registry bundles full of essentials like toilet roll, toothpaste, and bin bags. They said, “‘While toilet roll and teabags might not immediately seem like the most romantic option, these are the products that could help to get married life off to a brilliant start.”

We’re all for practicality, and for some couples this could actually be a really useful option, but if someone showed up to your wedding with a bulk pack of bin liners… would you want to thank them or kick them out?

PerfectWed by PerfectTed

PerfectTed, Europe’s biggest matcha brand, just launched PerfectWed to give couples free PerfectTed matcha drinks for their weddings. Inspired by co-founder Marisa Poster’s own DIY wedding in Italy, the brand now gifts free cases of matcha drinks to UK couples. Simple, visit their website to apply. Whether you’re fuelling your wedding party, stocking the bar, or slipping cans into welcome bags, it’s a crash-free caffeine fix 100% free!

Marissa says, “I am fully aware how expensive weddings can be, which is one of the reasons why we came up with PerfectWed. This is our way of giving back to couples preparing to tie the knot.”

Hello Kitty Everything

We love Sanrio, but if there’s one brand that knows how to flog a collab within an inch of its life, it’s them. Weddings are no exception. You can get almost anything your heart desires Hello Kitty x wedding branded. From a wedding cake shaped tea set to cake toppers, tee-shirts and plushies there really is something for every type of couple and honestly? You have to respect the hustle.

Gregg’s Wedding Cake

This one wasn’t an official brand collab, but a bride’s surprise for her Greggs-obsessed groom – a tiered cake’ stacked with sausage rolls and steak bakes. Honestly, we’re shocked Greggs hasn’t jumped on this already. If they ever launch actual wedding packages, we’d expect them to sell out faster than a hot vegan sausage roll on a Monday morning.