Do you ever play the people-watching game in big train stations? As somebody who first met my now-husband under the clock at Waterloo, I love giving back-stories to strangers as I wait. My favourite time to do it is when I spot somebody carrying a bunch of flowers. I wonder if those ranunculi mean “congrats on the new job”, or if those red roses mean “I’m sorry for being a prick”. Whatever the meaning, when it comes to flowers, there is always a message being sent. And, sometimes, there is even a whole secret language in bloom. So, why not use your flowers to help send the messages you want to on your wedding day?

Firstly, given that my columns are all about celebrating equality in this industry, I want to address a meaning that has been wrongfully imposed upon flowers for too long. HOT TAKE: Flowers are not only for women! And they are certainly not only for sweet, delicate, powerless little women, who swoon at the sight of them.

Whatever your gender, if you want flowers to be a part of your wedding day, but you and your partner don’t really see yourselves as particularly “feminine”, just remember this…

Flowers are fierce boss divas whose pollen helps to sustain life on our planet. They are what happens when the world springs back to life again after winter. They are nature’s boldest, brightest billboard advertisements for strength, resilience and perseverance… and they also just happen to do it while looking fabulous, henny. Simply put, without them—and the bees that fancy them so much—none of us would be here. So, kindly shut up about them being “for girls”. Thanks a bunch (pun intended).

I am an absolute sucker for flowers. Always have been. Anything to do with the great outdoors fills me with joy. It is one of the things my husband and I have most in common: our love of nature. With our slightly Lord of the Rings-inspired wedding in 2021, we wanted to emulate ethereal elven realms like Rivendell and Lothlorien, so we went all-out on the flowers and foliage. In fact, the floristry ended up accounting for 10% of our total budget… and it was 100% worth it.

At the time, however, I didn’t really consider which flora we were using, other than its aesthetic and texture, and whether it was in bloom in September. But, after a recent conversation with my friend Rollo Skinner, an artist, writer and botanical set designer, I learned that, when it comes to flowers, I hadn’t been reading between the lines.

Yes, I knew that we had imposed some ridiculous meanings on flowers… like the idea that they are only for women, or that they are a good way of saying sorry (seriously, when will some people learn that a proper apology doesn’t need props?) … but I hadn’t fully considered that the Victorians had created a literal language of flowers! So, if you’re somebody with an interest in hidden meanings, signs, or symbolism… let me unlock a whole new layer of wedding-planning for you… Floriography.

Did you know that baby’s breath is a symbol of purity and innocence? That it was often paired with lilies and given as a gift to new parents? Or that jasmine means amiability and cheerfulness? And if you pair it with an iris and give it to a friend, it is an acknowledgement of their strong character?

More importantly – when it comes to the Floriography of your wedding day – did you know that ivy is a symbol of fidelity? Dahlias mean commitment and eternal love? And myrtle is a sign of love and hope in marriage?

It makes me laugh to learn that Victorians would also send messages of warning or malice through flowers. So, if there is a particular relation you secretly can’t stand, add a tansy to their buttonhole for hostility… or some wormwood for bitterness. (Obviously don’t do this… it’s weird and passive-aggressive. You can just not invite this relation to your wedding. Just because you’re getting married and you share a family tree does not mean they have a right to be there. You are allowed to invite, or not invite, whoever you want to your big day.)

Of course, all these Victorian meanings were given to flowers by people with their own agendas, and you can read into them as much or as little as you like. It also means that you can apply whatever meaning you might want to the flowers at your wedding. You might simply have decided the brighter the better. The more tropical the more terrific. You don’t need to let any preconceived “meanings” to anything at your wedding day dictate what it means on your day. And I’m not just talking about flowers anymore…

Flowers are not just for sweet little women, just as weddings are not only for heteronormative couples. Flowers don’t have to mean anything other than “these fitted with the colour scheme” if you don’t want them to! This is your very own rock ‘n’ roll wedding… they are your very own rock ‘n’ roll flowers… you can make them mean exactly what you want them to.

Let that be true of everything you choose to include in your big day. Let it all mean something to the two of you, regardless of what it might mean to anyone else. Who blooming gives a tossed-bouquet what anyone else thinks anyway?