How To Deal With People Who Want to ‘Pick Your Brain’

Val and Sarah

October 21, 2014


Dear Kat
I understand the irony of my emailing you about this, but I need your help! I’m a wedding photographer and my business is going pretty well. I’ve been shooting full time for two years now and I’m really proud of how much I’ve achieved. It’s taken a lot of work, but it’s been worth it!

My problem is, I’m now starting to get a lot of emails or private Facebook messages from friends and strangers asking if they can ‘pick my brain’. Sometimes they fire questions at me, but most of the time they’re asking if we can meet for coffee or if they can come and see how I work at a wedding!

While I’m honoured that people think I’m worthy of asking advice, I can’t help but feel annoyed about it. I’ve worked my BUTT off for the past two years to get to where I am, and these people seem to want me to give them all the answers for free! Don’t they realise there’s no quick answer and that hard work and time is really what it takes? You must get a lot of this too so I was just wondering if you had any advice on how I should deal with it?

When you reach a certain level of success, it’s inevitable that people will start to come out of the woodwork and innocently ask you for advice. Yes, it can be irritating, but the fact that this is happening is actually an amazing opportunity for your own business to grow.

Don’t feel bad about saying no!

First off, you should not feel bad for saying no. I say no to people everyday and I never feel guilty about it! You are only one little person and you can’t help everyone. You shouldn’t ever feel burdened by other people’s problems just because they asked you about them.

“Brain picking” meetings are particularly exhausting because they usually don’t have a specific goal. A lot of the time you’ll be trying to figure out exactly what the other person actually wants from you. To me, there is nothing worse than vaguely asking for advice. Let’s drop the foreplay and get to the point already! Does that sound harsh and mean? Maybe a little, but I’m a busy girl, I ain’t got time for fannying around!

If someone is asking to “pick your brain” then the implication is usually that they don’t really know what they want or need, they’re just hoping that you can give them all the answers. I personally avoid these kinds of meetings like the plague.

However I do think that you should always reply to each and every message you get, even if it is to say that you can’t help them. People will generally appreciate that you’ve taken the time to send them a note back, and it shouldn’t take you very long if you create some templates.


Create a template response

Replying to every email one by one will up take so much of your time and mental capacity, so I’d always recommend creating a template that you can tweak each time. I firmly believe that sending a template reply is better than no reply at all!

If you’re getting a lot of emails asking for advice you haven’t got time to give, or for coffee/ brain picking sessions, here’s a template you can modify and use.

“Thank you so much for your message, I’m so honoured that you think of me as someone worthy of giving you advice for your own business! While I’m too time poor to meet up for coffee at the moment (I wish there were more days in the week!) I’ll try my best to help you where I can. Do you have a specific question for me?”

This template is great because it makes the asker get specific about what they want from you. It tells them your busy, but let’s them know you are willing to help if they get to the point!

Charge for your time

However if you are getting a LOT of these requests maybe its time to start thinking about offering a product or service to cover them. You could create a digital course, sell video tutorials or host an in-person workshop. Yes, you might primarily be a wedding photographer, but if a lot of people seem to want to learn from you, then why not let them!?

While I offer a lot of free advice here in the the Green Room, I also have The Blogcademy which I direct people too if they have more than a simple question. You should never feel guilty about expecting to be paid for your time and expertise. Here is a non-sleazy template that you could use in these instances.

“Thank you so much for your email, I’m thrilled that things seem to be going so well for you. I’m not available for one-on-one consultations right now, but you should check out my _____. I created it to help people just like you! I cover things like _____ and I think you’d get a lot out of it!”

This will usually scare of the brain pickers who just want the moon on a stick for free. It politely informs them that you can help them but they need to pay for the privilege!


Use their problems to help yourself

There are lots of ways you can help people for free, or with minimal effort, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with making sure that it serves you too! If you’re getting a lot of business-related questions, then you should totally start a blog series answering them. That way, you don’t even have to come up with the topics yourself and you can direct any similar questions you might get straight back to your blog.

Writing about these subjects on your own site not only helps others, but it benefits your own business. The more advice-style content you put out on your own platform, the bigger your audience will grow. More people will start to see you as an expert in your field if you’re using your success to benefit others.

If you start looking at these emails in a more positive light, they’ll no longer be nagging annoyances clogging up your inbox. Instead they’ll be prime opportunities for you to sell your own products, and to build your brand and audience.



  1. Mine changed very quickly from a ‘baby blog’ to a ‘lifestyle blog’ when I realised I had so much more to say on so many more topics 🙂

  2. Awesome article Kat. My advice is this, speaking from personal experience – there are times in life where we have outgrown the path we are on and its time to forge a new one. That can cause great inner turmoil if we’ve invested a lot of time on one project, even more turmoil if that project is successful. It can feel like a loss to go in an entirely new direction. It can feel like starting over from scratch. That however is hardly ever the case. With each path we take comes greater clarification of what our true desires and passion are. With each journey, we gain wisdom and valuable life experience making us even more capable of becoming who we were born to be. If you feel like what you are doing isn’t in alignment with who you are… take some time out to dream! Reconnect with that spirit of child like wonder, that place where life is magical and exciting. Figure out what really excites you, and move forward in that direction one step at a time. If you can incorporate your new vision into the old site, great. If not, take a leap of faith and know that the Universe will support you when you are aligned with your passion.

    I decided to pull an oracle card for this post, and the card that I drew was “The Diamond Dreamer” When Diamond Dreamer arrives, he represents the successful manifestation of the unseen into the material. Be sure you truly want what you think you desire, for this Ally will commit to getting it for you! All manner and conditions will flow around you; messages from Spirit will serve to guide you toward achieving your heart’s desire. If it is a new path you are seeking, with the right continual steps you will achieve success.

    Best of luck! 🙂

  3. Mary Kate

    I actually changed my whole blog around (it was purely fashion from 2006 – 10) and is now lifestyle based. Change is good, embrace it! I am sure your readers will too!

  4. Such great advice! I started my blog as a way of documenting my weight loss journey, but it ended up taking a very different direction after I developed pretty much an eating and exercise disorder. I still blog about healthy living but it’s not the green juices and running marathons type anymore – now it’s a lot more holistic and realistic! I’m a size 14 now, and sometimes I worry that people will wonder what I’m doing blogging about healthy living at that size (although I think that just shows their ignorance;-) what I’ve found is that my readers have connected with me on a different level and my readership has changed with me, but my core readers are still there which is lovely!

  5. Post author

    Violette Libelle – wow that’s awesome. I’m sure the writer of the email will be excited to see your comment, I’m going to email her with it right now!

  6. Falling out of love with my blog has been the issue with every blog I’ve ever started. I love the idea of thinking of your blog like it is a magazine! I think that is one of the best ways to make your blog more interesting for people to read and more interesting for you to write.

  7. Great article! I think it’s definitely an issue that many bloggers struggle with. I follow a couple of blogs that have been going through some changes and have evolved into something new lately and to be honest it didn’t bother me at all. I’m generally attracted to a blogger’s writing style and unique point of view rather than his/her content per se so I think that as long as you stay true to yourself, your readers will love you no matter what you blog about. All the best! x

  8. Anonymous - the asker

    Thank you so much, Kat, for your wonderful answer – and thank you all for your amazing comments.

    This has been a really hard decision for me – staying upbeat in the face of waning enthusiasm for various reasons. But lately I’ve been dipping my toes in my new subject area and my readers love it. As Kat says I think they can feel the enthusiasm for it and they share it, which is great. Hopefully I can make a smooth transition over and come back stronger.

    @Violette It’s like you are inside my head with that comment. I believe so strongly in living magically, that life should be a playground and that the universe supports you when you’re on your path. For a long time I felt like I was riding that wave with this venture and at some point I wasn’t – I feel very strongly in my gut that the new direction I plan to go in is the right one for right now. I love your outlook and your attitude – will email you privately as Kat suggested we’d get along well 🙂

    Thank you all so much for the love, I feel so much more empowered going into this uncharted territory than I did yesterday! <3 xxxxx

  9. Great post, I think this is something that many bloggers struggle with!

    I started my blog and was 100% about beauty until about 3 years down the road and honestly, I got a little bored. I have so many more interests than just beauty so slowly I injected more lifestyle and fashion content… and so far it’s paid off! It’s still primarily a beauty blog, but it has some other topics for a bit of a mix and doesn’t make it go crazy just writing about beauty. Funnily enough, adding more lifestyle and fashion content has made me excited to write about beauty again, so it all worked out! I would definitely recommend injecting slightly related topics now and again and see how it goes, I am sure your readers would actually love a bit of expansion!

    x Renee

  10. This gives me some confidence that writing bout what makes me passionate rather than sticking to what I ‘think’ I ‘should’ be writing is the way forward. Now to get on with it…:)


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