There’s an old saying, “You’ll never know time like your wedding day.” Before I got married, I never really knew what they meant. “Ours won’t be like that”, I thought smugly. “It’s just old people, saying old people things.”

But honestly? It fucking vanishes. You tie your shoes, pour yourself a drink. And in a blur of Pimms and confetti, you’re slow-dancing to Ed Sheeran and wondering what the hell just happened. In a way it’s inevitable. You’re loved-up and laughing with your favourite people; half-cut, catching up, and hugging hello. It’s going to go quickly. But it doesn’t have to vanish. You can slow it down, and plan it around you. Give yourselves time to savour it, live in it, experience it.

Be kind to your future selves. Don’t plan a race. Plan a stroll.

Enjoy the Day Before

Oh, how I would’ve loved a spa day. Just me and a few friends having massages, saunas and hot tubs. Maybe a cheeky facial, or a hot-towel shave. A nice meal afterwards (oh God, I sound old). But you get what I mean, right?

It doesn’t have to be a spa day. You could have a round of golf with your dad, or get your nails done with friends. You could book into the venue the night before, and have a night of nostalgia, pizza, and champagne. My point is, your wedding doesn’t have to start on your wedding day. Gather your favourite people around you, pamper yourselves silly, and soak in that ‘nearly there’ excitement of the day before.

Easy Like Sunday Morning

“Oh shit, is that the time? Where’s my dress?! And the shoes? Yep, yep, that was funny. Hold that thought. No, I don’t want a fucking croissant. Has anyone booked the Uber? 20 minutes?! Fuuuuuucccckkkk!”

It’s not about that.

Your wedding morning has the potential to be the best morning of your life. Chatting with your best friends, telling stories, and listening to music. Getting all excited and happy-nervous together; feeling beautiful, calm, and loved.

OR! It could be a wildly-stressful whirlwind of rage. With clock-watching, chaos, and cortisol on tap.

The good news is, this is completely in your hands. Ask your suppliers (your photographer, your hair and MUA) how long you’ll need to get ready. Work backwards from the ceremony, and give yourselves an extra hour. At least. And then you can properly chill. Spend more time with your besties, open another bottle, put on another tune.

When minutes are precious, an hour is gold.

Have a First Look

This will be your new favourite memory.

Just a few minutes away from the mayhem. Seeing each other for the first time on your wedding day; sharing *that* moment, just the two of you. You could read love letters, or share personal vows. Or just have a kiss and a cuddle, connect and catch up. Sure, it’s a wedding photographer’s dream, but it doesn’t have to be about that. In fact (and they’ll hate me for saying this), there’s nothing to say your photographer has to be there at all.

Cocktail Hours

You want to be able to talk to everyone. Properly talk to them, I mean, not just “nice hat, thanks for coming” small talk. And it takes time to have a decent conversation with that many people. Then there’s the post-ceremony Boomer faffing (“Where do we go now? Oh look, it says it on the thing. Is that the postcode?”). Then you’ve got group shots, walking time, and ‘can I just grab you quickly?’ couple shots. Trying to fit all that into 60 minutes will just stress you the fuck out. It should feel like the best family meal, not the world’s weirdest speed date.

So, give yourselves time. Make your cocktail hour two hours long; 90 minutes at least. It’ll give you real quality time with everyone you care about and it also serves as a handy cushion in case your ceremony overruns.

“And how do we find that extra time?”, I hear you ask. Well…

It’s OK to Say No

Your wedding day is filled with things you don’t actually need to do. Confetti, cake cutting, first dance, couple’s shots, group shots, sparklers (*deep breath*), champagne sprays, champagne pours, smoke bombs, outfit changes…

There are so many expectations, viral trends, and “oh but you have to…” traditions. And if you say yes to all of it, you won’t have time to enjoy any of it. So, learn to say no. Don’t pander to the masses, or people-please your parents. Set clear boundaries and priorities, and plan the day you want.

All you *need* to do is say ‘I do’. Everything else is a choice. 

Make Time for You

My wife and I got married on the beach in Whitstable. We went for a wander after dinner, and found a couple of deck chairs waiting for us on the sand. We sat down in the evening sun, and chatted about the day. Our favourite bits, the moments we’d always remember. Watching our wedding bubbling away in the distance; parents chatting to friends, friends meeting each other for the first time. It was the only chance we got to actually spend time with each other.

So, trust me…plan this time in. Leave an empty half an hour after dinner. Leave everyone behind – your friends, your family, your photographer – and give yourselves space to just be.

Have a Bolthole

This is the Social Battery Olympics. Everyone wants to talk to you, thank you, congratulate you, dance with you, buy you a drink. And it’s lovely. But it can be overwhelming (especially if you’re not ‘crowds and people’ kinda people). Sometimes it’s nice to just go and sit in a room, you know? Close the door behind you, and lay on the bed. Be quiet. Scroll. Have a peaceful poo. It’s not rude or selfish to have 10 minutes to yourself. Book a room on-site, and if you’re social battery is tapped, sneak away for a little recharge.

Plan a Spacious Timeline

Once upon a time – back when passports were red, and money was easy – my wife and I went to Paris. And oh man, we *did* Paris. Nineteen miles from sunrise to sunset. Cathedrals, museums, and famous fountains. The Eiffel Tower, The Louvre, and one gigantic roundabout. It was a race, a tickbox, a list of Things to Do. And in our hurry to do everything, we didn’t actually enjoy anything.

It’s the same with wedding days. You cram in as much as you possibly can, and it turns into this exhausting experience where every minute is spoken for. Where everything is rushed, and the clock rules all. So, when you’re planning your timeline, make it spacious. Get ready early, mingle for hours. Leave extra time to enjoy your food. If you have 15 minutes free, leave them free.

Don’t try to do everything. Just do the important things, and give yourselves time to enjoy them.

Because you wanna know what my favourite part of Paris was? It was the free morning we had before we caught the train home.

And that’s my whole point really. The moments you’ll remember most from your wedding won’t be the ones you rushed through, the boxes you ticked or the fact you spoke to every person there. They’ll be the ones you actually had time to live in.