Weddings bring out a ton of emotions. Not just for the couple getting married, but for everyone around them – friends, family, co-workers, and that one aunt who’s convinced it’s her job to make sure things are “done properly.”

If you’re planning a wedding that doesn’t necessarily fit within the traditional boxes, you’ve probably already noticed: everyone has an opinion. And sometimes, those opinions come wrapped in guilt trips, passive-aggressive remarks, or unsolicited advice.

I’m here to remind you of something important: your wedding is NOT a group project.

You can love your people and say no to their suggestions. And you can set boundaries and still invite them to the party. Here’s how.

Why saying “no” matters (even when it feels awkward)

Let’s be honest: weddings are often seen as public celebrations of private love. That makes them vulnerable to everyone’s expectations – from “you have to invite all of your cousins” to “you’re not really having a ceremony without readings from Corinthians.”

But trying to please everyone is a fast-track to planning a wedding that doesn’t feel like yours. And worst of all? Even when you do bend over backwards, someone will still be disappointed.

And also: while a wedding might be a semi-public celebration, it is still your celebration. Which should take place on your terms. Not anyone else’s.

So let’s flip the script. Instead of avoiding conflict, try embracing clarity.

How to set boundaries without burning bridges

Saying no doesn’t have to mean being harsh. It just means being honest with kindness. Here are some scripts you can use for sticky situations:

The no kids dilemma

“We look forward to celebrating this special day with you. In order to fully enjoy the day, we have chosen to have a child-free wedding. Thank you in advance for your understanding. We hope you can join us for a well-deserved night off!”

(If you think “child-free” sounds too negative, you can also emphasize that it is adults only, for a more positive approach.)

The budget-shaming comment

“We’re focusing on what matters most to us, not what’s traditionally expected. That means saying no to some things, and allocating our funds to things we value most for our special day.”

The ‘you should do it this way’ advice

“That’s a lovely idea – it’s just not quite us. But thanks for thinking along!”

Pro tip: you don’t have to explain everything. “This is what feels right for us” is a complete sentence. So is “No, thank you”.

The body or weight related comments

“It hurts my feelings when you mention my body or weight. What I do with body is my decision and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t comment on it anymore.”

Boundaries create room for joy

It might feel scary to push back against pressure. But every time you say no to something that isn’t you, you’re saying yes to something that is.

Your wedding is your day. Of course, it’s annoying when people are disappointed, but remember why you made the choices you did. Don’t try to please everyone at the expense of your own comfort. Respect and understanding work both ways.

Finally, you are not obligated to invite everyone you know: they should feel honoured to be on your guest list!

An open letter to your wedding guests

Sometimes, the hardest part of setting boundaries is finding the right words. You want to be honest without hurting anyone’s feelings.

If you’re struggling to explain why you’re doing things differently, here’s something you might recognise yourself in. You could even share this with your guests. Consider it a gentle reminder, wrapped in love and sprinkled with honesty.

Dear Guests,

We’re so grateful to have you in our lives. Your support, love, and excitement mean the world to us. But as we plan our wedding, we want to ask you for one thing: please trust us.

Please trust that we’ve made these choices – the ones that might surprise you, confuse you, or make you want to raise an eyebrow – because they reflect who we are. Not to rebel. Not to offend. Just… to be honest.

Please don’t assume something is “missing” just because it’s not familiar. Please don’t take our choices personally. Please don’t whisper that we should’ve done things differently.

If you love us (and we know you do!) the best gift you can give is your open heart. And your RSVP.

About the Author

Jolanda is the creative brain behind Jojo’s Weddings & Events, where she helps couples plan weddings that feel true to them, not tradition. She hated group projects in school and is happiest when she can see the results of her hard work reflected in smiling faces. She’s also the co-founder of Lobsters for Life, an inclusive, offbeat wedding fair in the Netherlands for lovers who colour outside the lines. The next edition takes place on Sunday 26 October 2025 in Breda. Expect glitter, handfasting and zero chair covers.