If your wedding speech sounds like it was written by ChatGPT on a caffeine crash, you’re doing it wrong. This isn’t the time for safe, sweet, and forgettable. It’s your one chance to light up the room, speak from your heart, and maybe even make your grandmother blush a little. If you’re going to speak at your wedding (and I think you absolutely should), now’s your time to just f**king say it. Here are five controversial (but genius) techniques from speech coach Susie Ashfield on how to ditch the fluff and deliver a wedding speech people will actually remember.

1. Start with a provocative opener – don’t just do the predictable introductions

You’d be amazed at how many speakers open their speeches by introducing themselves and explaining their connection to the wedding party. Good news! The audience either already knows your name—or if they don’t, they’ll forget it by the time you’ve finished speaking.

Take this as an opportunity to do something bold. Say something that immediately causes a reaction. Try something unexpected like: “When I first met [Name], I thought, ‘There’s no way we’re going to have anything to say to each other.’ Fortunately, I’m a terrible judge of character.”

Or “I’m going to try to keep this as short as possible without causing offense—which, incidentally, is what I told myself on my first date with [Name]. Look where that got me.”

Or something anti-romantic like: “If you believe in statistics, marriage is a terrible idea. Would you go into surgery if the doctor said there was a 50% chance you wouldn’t make it?!”

Not only will it be unforgettable, but you’ll also encourage the audience to laugh raucously right from the start.

2. Don’t write your speech – speak it first

It feels totally logical to begin by writing everything out and crafting a full script. The trouble is, once you’ve got a script, you’re likely to stick to it—so what you deliver ends up sounding stiff and robotic. On top of that, most people speak very differently from how they write, so your speech might end up sounding foreign and disconnected.

Instead, start by speaking out loud. Ignore any clunky transitions or missing lines. The more you talk, the more something promising will start to emerge. Yes, it might feel like you’re going mad talking to a wall—but the more you imagine your audience in front of you, the more you’ll understand what it is you really want to say.

Once you’ve got something that feels like it’s working, jot down bullet points or prompts to help you remember key stories or messages. This way, it’ll sound much more conversational and natural—and it’s way easier to deliver, too.

3. Don’t aim for ‘likeability’ – aim for authenticity

If you’ve planned a wedding, you already know trying to please everyone is a fool’s game. This is your wedding, and you’re doing it your way. The same rule applies to the speeches.

If you’re trying to make sure everyone hears exactly what they want to hear, you’ve lost sight of why you’re making this speech in the first place. Don’t play it safe with a never-ending list of polite thank-you’s. You’ve only got one shot at this—so say whatever it is you actually want to f**king say.

Context matters, of course—but that can include wild stories, strategic swearing, and even rude jokes. Want to know where the line is? I always tell my clients: “Punch up, not down.” Say whatever you like, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone.

Speak naturally, make sure there are no “victims” in your speech, and f**king say it like you mean every word of it (which you do).

4. Don’t aim to calm your nerves

OH NO, YOU’RE FEELING NERVOUS. And what?

That’s not a sign you’ve been rendered speechless—you’re not the Little Mermaid. Nerves are completely normal when it comes to public speaking. If you’re not used to having all eyes on you, of course you’re going to feel uncomfortable.

There’s no magic trick to stop your heart from racing, your hands from shaking, or your face from going red. And honestly, there’s no need to stop it. Pressure causes adrenaline, and adrenaline causes all of those horrible feelings—but none of them will kill you (even if it feels like they might).

So push through it. Accept the adrenaline. Don’t try to calm down—because it probably won’t work, and also… why would you want to?

If there’s ever a time to come across as fired up and full of feeling, it’s when you’re talking to a room full of people about your deepest feelings. That adrenaline will carry you through. Don’t fight the fear—embrace it.

5. Never apologise

There’s nothing worse than a speech full of apologies—whether it’s “Sorry, I forgot what I was going to say” or apologetic, shrinking body language. Don’t undermine your message by allowing a “sorry” to sneak in.

There’s actually nothing you can do wrong. If you lose your place, the audience will wait for you to find it. If you’re nervous, that’s expected. Even “um’s” and “uh’s” are part of how real people talk. These aren’t mistakes—so don’t draw attention to them by apologising.

Today of all days is not the day to be meek or humble. Trust yourself. Remind yourself that you’ve practiced, you’ve thought about what you want to say, and you know your message. If it doesn’t go exactly how you imagined it in your head, that’s just part of the beauty and realness of live speech.

Be bold. Be audacious. Own it.

Has no one told you that speeches at your wedding can be the most fun, memorable, unpredictable part of the day?

Well—now you know.

About the Author

Susie Ashfield is the author of Just F**king Say It: The Ultimate Guide to Speaking with Confidence In Any Situation (Elliott & Thompson), out in hardback and ebook on 22^nd May.