There’s an age-old playbook for a wedding day: a list of ye olde commandments that must be followed. At Rock n Roll Bride magazine, we are all about throwing the wedding rulebook out the window. Here’s how to do it!

The first rule is, you’re not allowed to see each other. Which is kinda weird because you probably already live together. But anyway, that’s the rule. In fact, you don’t actually get to see each other until halfway through the day, in a big room with everyone staring at you.

Then it’s your ceremony, then you have confetti, then it’s straight onto your meal and speeches. At some point, you do a painfully awkward dance in front of everyone. And then everyone goes home.

Sounds fun, right?

What do you mean, “no”? OK, fine, let’s mix things up a bit. In fact, let’s throw that rulebook out altogether!

Here’s the good news: your day can be whatever you want it to be. Any size, shape, structure, or timeline. All you have to do is say “I do”; everything else is just a party.

There may be backlash from the elders when you change things up. You’ll get plenty of tuts, eye rolls, and outraged “what do you mean?! You have to have [enter name of event you don’t actually have to have]”. But stay strong, my friends. Because when the “in my day” dust settles (and it will), the day will be entirely yours, filled with all things that make you happy, and rooted in the moments that matter most to you. Stick around, I’ll show you how. Here are seven ways you can ditch that rulebook.

Elope

Let’s start with the nuclear option, shall we? If you’re not really feeling the big wedding, you could just not have a wedding at all. Get married, of course. Just don’t invite anyone.

And the beauty of it is, an elopement can be literally anything. Roll up to the registry office, elope to Estonia, or jet off to France. You could get married on a Scottish mountaintop or say your vows in Switzerland and ski down to your hot tub.

Just think about it…the intimacy, the freedom, the tons of money you’ll save.

There are downsides, of course, but if you feel yourselves drawn to a day with just the two of you, don’t let anything stop you from having it.

Start Your Day Together

Your morning begins with a snuggle. You stretch and yawn happy yawns. Have a mimosa in bed (because why not?!), scroll for a bit, chat for a bit, maybe have another snuggle. And then you get ready. Together.

They do up your buttons, you brush back their hair. You listen to music, get excited, get a little tipsy, and quite possibly share the best morning of your lives, together.

As a little bonus, when you’ve finished getting ready, any time you have left is entirely yours. You could go for some photos, maybe meet some friends at the pub, or take a walk through your favourite park. Don’t let some bullshit superstition dictate how you spend your day. It is your day, after all; why not start it together?

Have a First Look

If the whole ‘getting ready together’ idea isn’t for you, a first look is a very happy middle ground. I won’t bang on about it too much, but personally, I think these are criminally underrated.

You get to see each other for the first time, alone (or at least, with just your camera people). You can catch up on your mornings, share stories, kiss, cuddle, connect, and have a few precious minutes just for you. A first look is so much more than an Insta trend – it’s a decision to take that core memory moment and keep it for yourselves.

Itty Bitty Ceremony

There’s nothing to say your ceremony and celebration have to be in the same place or on the same day. So, how’s this for an idea: Have your ceremony in the morning (or on a completely different day), with just a handful of your favourite people. Do all the mushy stuff with your nearest and dearest, and then have a big party later with everyone else.

It’s a dance called “The Covid Split,” and it’s all the rage with the kids. You get to share the moments that matter with the people who matter. And then choose literally any venue you want – registered or not – for your reception. It’ll take the pressure off, time-wise, money-wise, and expectation-wise, and give you a chance to properly enjoy both parts of your wedding separately.

Speeches Before Food

When we got married, I remember being cripplingly nervous for my speech (and I don’t usually get nervous – I did theatre, darling). But as we sat down to eat, the idea of pouring my heart out in front of everyone was all of a sudden terrifying. It completely ruined my meal (the meal we did a tasting for, the three-course meal we bought for 70 people). The only thing I could stomach was the wine.

Luckily, I managed to pace myself enough to keep it together. But I have seen some disastrous speeches from annihilated best men who drank a little too much courage.

So, if you are having speeches, why not have them before your meal, or during your drinks reception? Not only will it allow you to actually enjoy your food, it’ll make it a lot less likely that one (or all) of you will get accidentally shitfaced.

All Killer, No Filler

Our first dance was quite possibly the most awkward four minutes of my life. Closely followed by the cake cutting (another two minutes of bone-deep awkwardness). Did we enjoy them? No. Do we ever look at the photos? Fuck no. Could we have been doing something infinitely more ‘us’ instead? Oh, definitely. That’s the weird thing with weddings…there are SO many events you plan into your day because you think you ‘have’ to do them. And you don’t. You just don’t.

Here’s what you do…go through your timeline with a big red marker, and be fucking ruthless with it. Marie Kondo that shit. If you’re dreading your speech, don’t do one. Not bothered about your couples’ shots? Skip them. If it doesn’t spark joy, it has no place in your day.

Very quickly, you’ll find yourselves with a ton of free time to fill with whatever you want, and none of the rubbish bits you were dreading.

We do, we eat, we do something different

This will definitely get you your biggest “in my day” telling-off, but here goes…Do you really want a party?

People don’t drink like they used to (I’ve heard whispers some people don’t drink at all). And if you prefer talking to dancing, why pay someone to blast music at you?

So, what could you do instead? Absolutely fucking anything.

You could have an open mic or karaoke. You could have a casino night or gaming consoles. Why not hire a tattoo artist, or go go-karting? You could all go to a funfair (or hire one in). You could do whisky tasting, wine tasting, chocolate tasting. Depending on the venue, you could even have a cookery class. And I know I’ve just thrown a whole bunch of ideas at you, but that’s the whole point. This is your day, so do whatever makes you happy.

Think of it this way: if you were going to celebrate your joint birthdays in the most epic way possible, what would you do? Who would you invite? Where would you go? Start thinking of your wedding as a celebration, and all of a sudden, it becomes a lot freer, a lot more flexible, and a shitload more fun.