Tag Archives: self love

Love Yourself: Why Loving Yourself First is So Important in Your Relationship

Nobody will love you if you don’t love yourself.” Umm… what?! As a relationship therapist, this phrase is the equivalent to seeing “Live, laugh, love” on someone’s doormat. Well-intended, but also rubs you the wrong way. I think we all know on a gut-level that self-love is important to make marriages last. But why exactly does it work like that?

Let’s start by clearing the air about one thing. It’s absolutely not true that you’re unlovable if you don’t love yourself. Here’s my snazzy new version of the quote:

“It’s easier to fill the cups of our partners, if we know how to fill our own cups first.”

Boom! Now, let’s take a look at how this pans out in your love life.

Unhealed insecurities fester and multiply in your relationship like a bad case of the fleas. Rejecting compliment after compliment because you don’t believe you’re as gorgeous as your sweetie sees you, quickly sours the romance. Ignoring your own needs for the sake of pleasing your partner will have you burning out faster than the unity candle on your wedding cake.

But a person who fully accepts and takes care of themself?! That person now has more fuel in their tank for growing the relationship. More good times = happier marriage. Who knew that loving yourself translated into loving your partner better? The silver lining here is that your partner literally becomes a “mirror” who can reflect the parts of you that need healing.

No sweat, because here’s a three-step therapist-approved guide to loving yourself for the sake of loving your marriage:

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