I’m a Bridesmaid & I’ve Been Asked to Dye My Hair & Lose Weight For the Wedding…

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Rainbow country fete wedding

Hi Kat
My best friend is getting married really soon and I’m a bridesmaid. She has asked me to dye my hair dark brown or black, and to lose 10kgs for the wedding. 

Now I know that may not seem like a big deal but since leaving high school I have always channelled my personality into my hair. I’ve had pink hair for the last five years and switch it up occasionally with purple, blue, or green. I really don’t want to have my hair coloured darker as its such a pain in the ass to go through the whole bleaching process again. Am I being over-sensitive? Or is the bride’s word the law?

As for the weight loss I understand she wants me to look thin in the pictures, but I like the weight and body shape I have now. I feel like if she knew me and loved me she’d accept the way I look and the way I am. This is seriously stressing me out and making me quite depressed. Any advice?

If you’ve ever walked down the street and felt a million pairs of eyes on you, looking you up and down, wondering what would posses you to look and dress the way you do. then welcome to the club! It seems bonkers to me that in 2015 having unnaturally coloured hair still seems to shock so many people, but it does. In my (blue) head, those narrow minded people are the weirdos!

But I have never, ever felt judged by my friends for the way I present myself. Not only are most of them just as colourful and weird (by the way I say ‘weird’ as a massive compliment) as me, but even the ones that aren’t appreciate my differences and enjoy asking me about what colour I might dye my hair next and if I’ll get any more tattoos. I can’t for one second imagine being best friends with someone who didn’t think like that.

You’ll have to excuse me because it’s taking all my strength to not simply reply “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS BITCH’S PROBLEM?” and leave it at that. But asking someone to fundamentally change who they are for your wedding is not OK! Requesting that you to wear a dress you don’t necessarily love is one thing, but she’s expecting you to permanently strip the very things that define you and make you the beautiful, glorious individual that you are. That is just unacceptable. You are not being over-sensitive or unreasonable. I’m sorry, but your ‘friend’ sounds like a right royal bridezilla.

As for the weight loss thing… I mean, I can’t even fathom why someone would say that to another human being, least of all their best friend. We all know how strongly I feel about this issue anyway. Its bad enough when it comes from strangers, but from your best friend? Unforgivable.

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Now I understand that not everyone is going to appreciate our penchant for rainbow tresses, lord knows why they’d find it so offensive but as I said, people are weird. Everyone on this planet (regardless of how conventional or unique they look) passes and experiences judgement from others and if you choose to stand our from the masses with your hair, clothing, body shape, WHATEVER, then its only going to come more frequently.

But (and this is a big but) I simply can not wrap my head around how your BEST FRIEND would feel OK about being so rotten to you. Yes, it’s her “big day” but that doesn’t give her a free pass to forget her manners. She knows what you look like, why would she even ask you to be in her wedding if she found it so offensive?

Regarding the hair colour issue only, I guess you have four options:

1. Dye your hair
2. Offer to wear a wig
3. Tell her you’d still love to be a bridesmaid but she has to take you as you are
4. Tell her to shove her invite to be a bridesmaid and find a new best friend

I know which option I’d be going for…

As for the weight loss thing, to me there is no question about it. If you are happy and healthy then never, ever, ever, under any circumstances should you feel the need to lose weight to keep someone else happy. FUCK. THAT.

And that’s all I have to say on the matter.

In all seriousness, if I was you I’d respectfully step away from my role as a bridesmaid. It’s a shitty and emotional situation, but being ‘fired’ or quitting a bridal party doesn’t always have to end the friendship. Although you might be raging (or is that just me?) and feeling rejected, if you maturely explain to her that this is you, you’re not going to change who you are for her wedding, but you’d still love to come along as a guest and have a great time with her, then the relationship might just be saved.

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93 comments

  1. Victoria

    Wow!
    I actually cannot believe that your ‘friend’ as put you in this position!
    Personally, I’d have a conversation with her about how much she’s hurt you by asking what she did, and decline to be a bridesmaid. I completely agree with Kat she’s asking you to change more that what you look like – just to become what she believes is the perfect ‘Pinterest’ bridesmaid.
    I swear there are too many styled shoots with models around that is creating this crazy mentality of what is a ‘normal’ wedding.

  2. Midnight

    FUCK THAT! That’s not a “Best friend”. It’s a shallow ass bitch. Because when having your “perfect” day means requesting people change so it all goes according to their delusional wedding plan. Then there are some serious priority problems. Ask her if her Fiance has requested her to change her hair color or lose weight. Probably not. He probably accepts her for who she is. You deserve the same. She’s a dramatic bitch and I don’t care how “nice” she is once you get to know her. This is ridiculous to ask for a wedding. Especially since its one day.

  3. Quite simply, if she doesn’t Love you & appreciate you the way you are then she doesn’t deserve to have you in *ALL* your glory in her Bridal party.
    I’m afraid that if it were me, I would be sending her the SWEETEST note to say just how thrilled you were to be part of her Big Day but that you are saddened to learn that she doesn’t think you are perfect as you are as real friends would NEVER ask someone to change, just for a Wedding!
    Pop it in the post then book yourself a hair appointment for the day to have your hair done in fabulous Mermaid shades then have a delicious meal (with pudding) on your way home, possibly only stopping to buy glittery shoes as needed!! Kx

  4. Alayne

    I have had to dye my hair to a darker colour as the bride requested me not to have pink hair.
    Was it a natural colour? Hell no, it was a stunning purple. Did I feel uncomfortable about this request, yes I did and I can assure you I would never do it again.
    The weight thing is just horrid, and I would seriously reevaluate my friendship with the bride.
    I was a pink haired bride with curves and all my guest came in all sorts of colours, shapes and sizes, and I would not want to change a single one of them!

  5. Aw man! This makes me feel so sad. Why would anyone ever feel it’s OK to ask someone to lose weight and change their individuality completely? Great advice Kat, if this bride is a true friend she shouldn’t be asking anyone to change what makes them fundamentally them. Booooooooo! jxx

  6. Bethan

    This is not ok! I can only imagine how horrible this situation must be for you. But your best friend should not under any circumstances try and change the beautiful person you undoubtably are. To hear a woman happy with her weight and the way she looks for a start is such a positive thing and a huge one that should be celebrated! Not changed. I agree with Victoria, talking to the bride is the option I would chose too. Let her know how she’s made you feel and hopefully she’ll accept the way you want to look. If she’s any sort of best friend she will anyway!

  7. Shona

    Jeez, talk about bridzilla!
    My friend asked me to dye my hair blonde and cut in a side/gradual fringe. I just said “no chance” and rocked up with my (then) black hair and solid straight across fringe. She was ok with it in the end and realised she was being unreasonable.

    You should never change who you are for anyone, but a “FRIEND” should never even try to change you. It is completely inappropriate and she sounds like a pretty selfish… person.

  8. Holy crap! That’s just a mean “friend” and she should get her head out of her ass! I totally agree with Victoria about the styled shoot thing, the ‘normal’ weddings we come across are always (with the exeption of the weddings on RRB) just stick thin models with crazy shiny hair getting married…that shit’s not real!! This is real, YOU are real, stay true to yourself and tell your friend to fuck off!

  9. Lucy

    Oh wow!
    The reason I asked my friends to be my bridesmaids is because I love them, exactly as they are, all four of them who are all completely different women but all beautiful to me!
    Your friend needs to take a step back and realise what a wedding is about, marrying the person you love in front of the people you love!
    Have a quiet word with her in a calm way and say you are who you are and she shouldn’t try and change you. if she can’t accept that then she’s not the kind of friend you need.

  10. Annaliese Budimir

    This article is amazing! Thank you Kat for being honest and telling it how it is. I would be horrified if someone asked me to do this for their wedding and then I would be finding a new BFF. Never change yourself for anyone.

  11. Unbelievable! That a person could actually expect a friend to change two fundamental parts of themselves for a wedding totally staggers me! My loudest and bashes friend was asked to be one of my best girls and a couple of weeks before the wedding she asked me if she could dye her hair bright red. Asked!! I told her she could do what she liked, it’s her hair after all! She was also bridesmaiding at another wedding the week before mine and that bride was not happy about the red. She was more or less told to go brown for that wedding and she went back to red straight after. But I loved seeing her red tresses, that was totally her, the girl I know and love. I can’t imagine trying to change any of my friends. They are exactly who they are and I love them all for just those reasons. Don’t change who you are for this bride, please. You’ll only regret it for years to come xxx

  12. Holy crapballs! This lady does not sound like a good friend. No one has the right to make you change for anything! How mean! Politely decline her offer and explain how much she’s hurt you. I think it’s time to get a new best friend if she doesn’t realise that what is is asking is a bit loopy.

  13. Becky

    Wow. I cannot believe someone would ask you to even lose weight!
    I only got asked to keep my hair the same colour when I was asked to be a bridesmaid and that was a reddish colour, she would never have asked me or her other bridesmaid to lose weight!
    I’d Deffo tell her to shove it! If she doesnt love you enough to have you as you are, she doesn’t desurve you as a bridesmaid!!

  14. Natasha De Vil

    Agreeing with what’s already been said, my thoughts are stay just the way you are!! If you’re happy with the way you are then that is all that matters. If people can’t get on board with who you are and your happiness, then maybe it’s time to evaluate that friendship. I believe that a true friend would never ask such a thing of you, to make yourself miserable just for photos as it already is. But I definitely think you should talk it out with her.

  15. Mary

    I would agree with the FUCK THAT approach! However, even the most reasonable and grounded brides tend to get a bit bridezilla under the perceived pressure of creating the Perfect Wedding. I think a sensible conversation over a cocktail or two where you point out that a wedding is about a marriage of two people in front of the friends and family that they love the most, not a Pinterest competition. Never change your body image to suit someone else xx

  16. Ella

    First of all, try not to be too saddened by what has taken place. I’m guessing your friend (as much as you may love her) is a bit like this generally, and so you maybe knew this would happen but chose to love her despite her flaws. That’s what friends do. However your hair colour and weight are not flaws and therefore it is an unacceptable request. She needs to understand just how hurtful this is. The only time it’d be acceptable for a close friend/relative to ask you to lose weight or discuss this as an option would be if they were frightened for your health. Otherwise, it’s nobodies business but you and your skeleton. It is amazing to me that she has asked you to be her bridesmaid if you don’t really meet her criteria, why ask you in the first place? It all sounds incredibly superficial and that in itself is a worrying basis for a wedding day, but hey, that’s not your cross to bear. Try talking to her and laying bare your feelings of hurt and hopefully she’ll realise what she is asking.

  17. This bride is awful and totally giving brides – and the sisterhood – a bad name! Ditch this toxic lady, stat, it’s up to precisely no one to tell you to change.

  18. Helen

    OUTRAGEOUS
    I can’t believe anybody’s best friend would see these things as imperfections rather than the things that make you you…the person they love. Seems this girl isn’t thinking past her wedding photos. She needs the reality check of being told NO!
    It would be a love me or lose me situation for me…
    Truth be told, the fact you’ve even written the letter shows that in reality the damage is already done. Tell her no. And tell her she’s hurt you too. Hopefully she’ll remember the person she really is – she must be pretty special for you to even consider it

  19. OK, so I literally had this exact same problem when my so-called best friend from university asked me to be bridesmaid. She wanted me to dye my hair a natural colour so she was the only one with bright hair, and lose 2 dress sizes. Ultimately, we are no longer friends! You love your friends for who they are, so why want them to change what they look like? I wrote a whole blog on my experience http://www.kittyramblesalot.com/2015/03/on-being-good-bride-to-your-bridal-party.html because it was so awful.
    She fired me from being bridesmaid because she didn’t consider me ‘dedicated’ enough when I wouldn’t change for her. It was an awful experience and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. As far as I’m concerned, a real friend who loves you doesn’t change you, they love you exactly as you are and embraces all the things that make you unique.

  20. V

    This is a really shitty situation you have been put in, it’s sad to say but your friendship will never be the same again no matter what you choose to do. I got married 2 months ago, I can not imagine asking any of my girls to change anything about them, not because they are perfect but because I love them for who they are! Stay true to yourself, remember this is not a reflection on your character, but hers.

  21. Alina

    In my oppinion, although you might not know this yet, you are already halfway with your decission of not changing who you are, not for your best friends’ wedding or anyone else. Put on your confident girl straps and face that friend of yours! Maybe the hair color issue can be fixed if you still decide you want to be a bridesmaid (there are a few shampoos that allow you to dye your hair black and they go away after one wash), but the weight thing…that’s just stupid! Kat is completely right and couldn’t have said it betyer myself. Good luck,girl and hope your friend sees and appreciates you for who you are (that is the reason why you were picked as a bridesmaid in the first place).

  22. Jen Marino Photography

    I read this and I couldn’t believe it! Great advice Kat!

    If I were you I would ask her if she is serious?! Seriously a true friend wouldn’t ask that of you and should love you the way you are. To be honest though i wouldn’t tolerate it and tell her to shuv it! But that’s just me 🙂 haha

    I hope you sort it out with her and I hope she apologizes to you.

  23. Leah

    Hi there, I saw this post this morning and it disgusts me how people can treat there best friends like this !

    Last year I was put in a similar situation where I was told to lose weight, I had to get my nails done a particular way and I must have a fake tan done even tho I’m naturally tanned she wanted us to all be the same skin tone . After that things got a lot worse and she turned into a bridezilla . After weeks of being shouted at and told I was being ‘selfish’ because I was more occupied with getting my dog (my real and loyal best friend ) through cancer treatment its safe to say I never went to that wedding in the end. My view on it is .. If your good enough friends with someone to make them a bridesmaid then you really should care about your friends feelings and if they don’t then they are not worth having in your life .

  24. Gayle

    That is despicable! I understand that a wedding can be stressful and that the bride might be under pressure from parents to have the wedding look a certain way but she needs to be realistic. I don’t get how she can be in your company and claim to be your best friend and accepts how you look but on her big day she essentially wants to change everything about you. That to me is not a friend, let alone a best friend. I am a colour child like yourself and I typically have pink or red hair but on my wedding day I opted to dye my hair dark brown because my dress was red. I did however put my Bridesmaids in black because they both liked it and one of them also had pink hair and it meant that it wouldn’t clash with her dress. Looking at my pictures it is a little funny that her pink hair screams at my red dress but in the same pictures I have a huge goofy grin on my face and wouldn’t have cared if she had worn a gorilla suit.Often people lose sight of what a wedding actually is and how at the end of the day it’s how you feel and not how you look. Don’t bow to her demands and if that means that you are no longer her bridesmaid then so be it. The fact that you have gotten so worried about this and asked for advice speaks volumes about how good a friend you are and I’m not sure that the bride deserves that! X

  25. Joanne

    Oh my god. As if she even asked you to do those things! One of my bridesmaids had bright, BRIGHT orange hair and is heavily tattooed. A relative of mine asked if I was going to ask her to dye her hair and cover her tattoos, and I was outraged! She is my best friend, I would never in a million years ask (or even want) her to change how she looked. On the big day she looked downright stunning and I was so happy to have her by my side.

    I’m really sorry your friend is being such a terrible human being, but she needs to know how utterly out of line her requests are. I wish you the best of luck!

  26. Veronica

    Don´t even think about changing anything, girl! Even without seeing you I know you´re beautiful and being one´s best friend means that she knows that to, right? I honestly don’t understand how someone has the nerve to ask bridesmaids, grooms, parents, friend, whoever.. to change anything for their wedding; if you don’t like me the way I am, why even bother inviting me?! I do believe you should talk to this bride (poor guy/girl marrying her..!) because she´s obviously lacking her sense of reality, you might be able to get her feet back on earth before she makes more people feel awful.

  27. Rebecca

    This just makes me feel so sad… I am sorry to tell you that your “best friend” isn’t even being a “good” friend. She is confused as to what a wedding is really about (imho, the joining together of two people in love and the celebration of that union by their friends and family, not spending loads of time and effort trying to create a photoshoot starring the bride). She will only be able to realise what’s important with hindsight. You could try to help her (realise the truth) if you wanted or you could just step back and opt out of the agro. Depends on how you feel really. I am sorry that this happened and I really hope that you get through this ok.

  28. Sarah

    Who on earth wants a “normal” wedding with “normal” bridesmaids anyway?!?
    You sound like a fun, vibrant person. Having you as a bridesmaid sounds like you would light up the line up! Perhaps your friend is worried you would detract too much attention from her? If I were you, I would seriously put your feelings and opinions across about this rather selfish request. Being the bride doesnt automatically make you a princess with the right to demand unfair tasks from your friends or family.
    Tell her she has you as the true representation of yourself, or she doesn’t have you as a bridesmaid at all. Be polite about it and gauge the outcome on her reactions. If she is nasty about it, step back and re evaluate if you even have a friend in her at all! And remind her being unique isn’t a bad thing! If she’s so keen on having a pinterest wedding, the more unique the people are, the better!

  29. Jennifer

    Oh.but.no. No real friend would EVER ask such a thing of you, because changing you would never cross their mind. I’m sorry but that request would be the end of our friendship.

  30. Emma

    This happened to me when I was bridesmaid for my boyfriends sister and like an idiot I allowed her to bully me. I changed the colour and cut of my hair, I went to appointments she made for me for weight loss wraps and she even signed me up to a weight loss club. To this day I am so angry I allowed this person to put me this this emotional and physical hell. And I have never forgiven her. I felted judged by the whole family so know I rarely see them. It came close to ruining my relationship with my boyfriend but we managed to struggle through it. My advice would be to never put yourself in a situation where you aren’t appreciated for who you are. And I hope you have more luck with this wedding than I did.

  31. This is outrageous and actually quite cruel to ask you to change so she can have her idea of a picture perfect wedding. You are who you are and she should love and accept you for this with no question of change….end of. From a photographers point of view I love nothing more than a bright head of hair or some tattoos on the bride or bridesmaids or a quirky theme…..cos everything else is just vanilla. Weddings can get boring from that aspect that they can all be the same. This is why I always follow this blog to see the amazing unique weddings that Kat showcases and which I very rarely get to shoot but would much rather than the average wedding…..no-one seems to have the balls my neck of the woods to actually be true to themselves, their personalities and have a themed wedding based on their interests and uniqueness as a couple etc everyone conforms to the norm with a squeaky clean White Wedding So if your “friend” is looking for her Wedding to be just another run of the mill, to blend in and have zilcho personality leave her to it….gracefully opt out….she is bonkers if she doesn’t want that beautiful pink hair of yours on show!. If she is like this now she will be a totally full blown Bridezilla on the day……just saying.

  32. I would tell her yes absolutely I’ll do both of those things – and then do neither, I’d then proceed to maybe put on a couple of pounds (10) and go a shade brighter with the hair. All the while telling her how much you’re loving the new diet and boring hair. nothing like fucking with a crazy bitch before her big day.

  33. Sarah

    Hi – I’m a 46 year old mother of 3. My 8 year old daughter isn’t like ‘normal’ children. She chooses her own clothes (outside of her school uniform) and sometimes they don’t match, she wears odd socks and quite often she’s mistaken for a boy because she has short hair. She doesn’t give a fuck what people think of her and I’m so proud of her for that. No one should EVER tell you to conform, I don’t care who they are and what the circumstances are. You are beautiful, never forget that and more importantly you are YOU! She either accepts that or move along…be brave x

  34. B

    Pretty sure I was dumped from my oldest (and apparently “best” friend’s) bridal party because of my weight. And it wasn’t until 4 days before her wedding she rang me asking me to be a bridesmaid because her MoH was in hospital – I declined.

    I feel like weddings can bring out the worst in some people. Step to the side and let some other little picture-perfect bridesmaid fill your friend’s cookie-cutter idea of a bridal party. You’ll probably have a better time as just a guest, and not having to worry about upsetting Bridezilla.

  35. Rosie

    Honestly if this bride is going to ask you to do these things then she isn’t worth having as a friend at all. I would be interested for you to ask her ‘why do you want me to lose weight?’ And ‘why do you want me to dye my hair?’ Because I would be very interested to hear the answers! It seems to me the point of her wedding is having nice pictures to show off about how her friends fit into her ideals which is utter bullshit if you ask me! If the wedding was about what it should be about- a celebration of the love between her and her partner then she wouldn’t give a two pence about what weight her bridesmaids were or what colour hair they have. I think your friend has her priorities about a wedding ALL in the wrong place.
    Please do not succumbe to her wishes! Tell her that you come as you are for who you are or else you will have to resign as a bridesmaid.

    Much love to you x

  36. I will never understand how some people can be so mean. This article had me up in arms! You are who you are only ever change when it’s for your self and your own happiness. No one who loves you will ask you to change. This bride seems to have lost her mind along the way! Amazing response to this letter X let her know you are happy the weight you are and you love your hair so thanks but no thanks xxx

  37. Dani

    Fuck. That. Shit.

    My sister tried to dictate that I grow my hair before her wedding so I could have an updo like the other bridesmaids. I did not. I still got to be in the wedding, I was beautiful, the other bridesmaids were beautiful, the pictures are beautiful, and between the torrential rain and the very late granddad of the groom nobody gave a flying fuck what my hair looked like, since I was actually there on time.

    “Perhaps you’d like to ask someone else to be a bridesmaid since I am not going to fulfill your utterly unreasonable and selfish demands to change my entire physical appearance for one day in your life.” That’s the politest way I can think of to put it.

  38. Wow. That is cold. Be honest with yourself – is this completely out of character for your friend? In other words, is this wedding-induced craziness she could be talked down from? Or was she trying to get you to change before this? If it’s the former, I hope you can find a way to get her to come to her senses and remember she’s planning a wedding not New York Fashion Week. If it’s the latter, I strongly suggest finding yourself some nicer friends (try the Unconventional Sisterhood Facebook group, spin-off from the RnRB groups). Good luck!

  39. Even if it isn’t her cup of tea, she should absolutely not ask you to change your image for the sake of her wedding photos. I have had my hair every colour under the sun for half of my life, I was my sisters bridesmaid last year and we are VERY different, chalk and cheese, she thinks my hair colour is totally weird. I’m also nearly 6ft tall, and her other bridesmaids were all blondes, brunettes most around the 5ft mark. She didn’t tell me to wear flat shoes, and the only thing she said about my hair was that I needed to decide what colour it would be on the day so she can choose bridesmaid dress colours!
    See! https://www.facebook.com/ohmyhoneydress/photos/pb.231029853577478.-2207520000.1449141373./1075319635815158/?type=3&theater
    I am maid of honor and Bridesmaid for two more wedding this year, and the hair colour hasn’t even been mentioned. Because it shouldn’t be an issue for your friends.

  40. A friend best or otherwise that requested this of you is truly no friend at all . Even more offensive than the hair request is the loosing weight request on what planet can she possible think that’s ok ? not only is that unrequired , cruel , bitchy and just hurtful … But it also shows what little respect she has for your feelings. Having got married earlier this year with 3 adult bridesmaids of different shapes , heights and colours weight ir hair colour was never a concern but having them there and happy was . I think you need to send your so called best friend down a modelling agency to employ some bridesmaids .

  41. Mary

    Holy sweet baby jeebus! That’s madness. I found out the month before my wedding that my best friend purposely didn’t get pregnant because she thought I’d go mad. I explained that I picked bridesmaid dresses that could be altered to suit bumps if any of my three ladies got pregnant in the run up to my wedding and even bought a spare dress in case I needed extra fabric! I couldn’t believe they held off such an important thing in their lives to facilitate my wedding and what they thought I would say. Just shows how bridezillas give all brides a bad rep. Anyhoo, 5 days before my wedding, she found out she was pregnant! No flies on them! Lol!

  42. Louise campbell

    That’s not a nice thing for her to say, I bet she doesn’t feel like a best friend at the minute, I have the opposite problem im a bride and my best friend is not working with me at all, doesn’t like the dresses I like, doesn’t want me to get married abroad, doesnt want to come on the hen do because there are a few girls coming who she doesn’t like, in which for no reason as she hasn’t even gave them a change! Everything I say seems to be a problem, on our wedding the wedding party are all going on a boat trip, bear in mind there are 60 guests and all coming but her! I am hurt by the way she is being, but I’m just letting her get on with it!
    I hope you sort it out with her, but I now it’s not easy to speak to them sometimes xxx

  43. Oh my gosh! I think she needs to give the groom a heads up. I do hope he (or she) continues to meet her vision of what constitutes a best friend, let alone a spouse.

  44. Phoenix

    It is beyond belief that anyone would demand this of their friends. I am getting married next year and I would never ask any of my bridesmaids to change anything about themselves. I love them the way they are. That’s what love is.

  45. Eileen Leavers

    Oh my goodness this is so not on! Your best friend should love you and tell you how amazing you are at all times. I’d be so hurt if the people I loved asked me to change myself. I think she’s maybe become caught up in all her wedding stuff, so hasn’t realised how controlling she sounds. On the day, those things don’t matter! You’re marrying the love of your life surrounded by people you love. I know it may be hard to say to her but please stick up for yourself. Maybe not being a bridesmaid in this case would be best. Our wedding was planned in 2 months so a few of my most favourite people couldn’t be there, and I couldn’t dwell on that. My day was still amazing without them although I missed them, I had to see the bigger picture. I’m just shocked those words even entered her head. It would be hard for me to see past that.

  46. Anna

    Wow that is awful, I really feel for you. I am heavily tattooed and have been a bridesmaid twice in the last year, both times I was a little concerned that someone would object to my appearance (as I’m the only heavily tattooed person in my friendship circle/family) and there were a few comments from the more senior party but otherwise I was very lucky and no-one asked me to change a thing or cover up. My friend actually chose a dress that really went with my brightly coloured tattoos! Funnily enough, hair wise I had long blondey green hair before my sisters wedding and wanted to change it myself before her big day and after a disastrous bleaching/terrible haircut I wish I’d left it as is! Looked bloody awful! Asking you to lose weight is abhorrent and cruel, I say politely decline on her generous offer to change your physical being and enjoy the wedding from the pews, bright hair and body intact. It is a shame that she’d risk losing a friend over such a petty issue xx

  47. Amy

    Well I am a bride to be and I’m actually disappointed that my bridesmaid (my h2b’s cousin) has dyed her hair back to brown. She has had pillar box red hair for a few years and I was so gutted to see she had dyed it brown for a new job I told her she was most welcome to dye it back whenever she liked as I have even taken it into account when chosing my colour scheme as having her there means so much to me and I want her to feel comfortable.

    Also, if she wants you to lose weight, she can bugger off. If YOU want to lose weight then whoopee, if you don’t then she absoluteltly cannot ask you to. That’s ridiculous! Xx

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