Post It Notes: 9th December 2011: Positive Influence

Image Credit: Zsazsa Bellagio

In many working environments there is a undulating undercurrent of moans and groans from disgruntled employees. For example, when I worked at the shopping channel we bitched about the length of our shifts, the amount of product we were expected to flog sell, the quality of said product, the air conditioning (or lack thereof), the mess in the green room… you get the picture! In fact I got so used to the daily moans and groans that I’d think nothing of it. I’d never stop to think how it affected my overall mood or attitude to the job. It just felt normal.

I’ve spent a lot of my life being depressed. I spent a lot of my life being sad. I spent a lot of my life wishing I was someone else and complaining about my terrible luck. It was easy to make excuses as to why I felt so bad, but you know what, there were many things I was doing that didn’t help. I was drawn to the negative, the dark, the desolate. I read books about it, I joined internet forums about it, I made friends with similarly minded people. In essence I did nothing to make myself feel better.

I don’t want to be that person anymore. I want to surround myself with positive people, and be the kind of person that is a positive influence on others.

Sounds obvious right? I do have a point, I promise…

It may sound trite and idealistic but I can’t express enough how much happier I am because I’ve eliminated negative influences from my life (and my business). I also can’t express how massive a difference it’s made to how I feel about myself.

via Little Chief Honeybee (original source unknown)

My blog is not a democracy. My Twitter is not a democracy. My Facebook page is not a democracy. If someone feels the need to bitch or moan in my happy place, well sorry but they’re getting blocked. Sounds harsh, but baby, I want Rock n Roll Bride to be a positive place, I want to be in a positive place. Quite simply, I don’t owe anything to negative people and neither do you.

I’ve been asked many times how I deal with internet negativity and haters and my answer is simple (if not very revolutionary)…I just don’t let them in. It’s taken me a while to realise the massive effect these kinds of people can have on me, but these days I don’t follow negative people on Twitter, I don’t allow unnecessarily mean comments on my blog and I don’t let the hateful emails get to me, which of course is often easier said than done.

I also now make a huge effort (and sometimes it is a HUGE effort) to not let any sneaky negative thoughts leak out onto my social media or blog posts. This is actually a pretty recent development for me, I’m the first to admit that I have had the odd social media rant-fest in the past, but just in the last few months alone I feel a hell of a lot better for stopping it!

You know, I can’t possibly make everyone like me, nor what I do, and that’s fine. There’s no point me wasting the time that I could be using to improve my business on negativity.

It is fundamental to me that I surround myself with positive people – friends, clients and role models. As I said before, I spent a huge portion of my life being depressed and it sucks. I also spent five years in a job that in retrospect I was heavily influenced by negative attitudes. That sucked too.

I did enjoy my life as a TV producer, but as a wedding blogger I’m so much happier. And not just because I enjoy the actual work more, no, becuase I’m surrounded by positivity.

If you do something/work with someone that makes you feel blue then STOP. Illuminate. Ignore. It will make a maaahuuusvie difference to your attitude and your life.

Pinky swear.

56 comments

  1. Kat I’m not sure you realise how much impact you have on people? virtual hug!! what a great attitude to have, for me I’m still learning to not let the mean people in, will take time, but great to know it can be done, and you can come out shining on the otherside.xx

  2. Love it and so true. You have to decide to be positive and stick to it.

    For me, that meant cutting out some people, but also some negative behaviours, like drinking a bit too much, obsessing over silly little things and wasting time on planning instead of doing.

    x

  3. Faith Caton-Barber

    Yes! If nothing else, negativity is just so draining and slows everything down, I much prefer a positive day, even if it’s a bad day that I’ve decided to learn from, let go of and move on to better things. It’s not always easy but it’s so much better than the alternative. You’ve put a smile on my face lovely pink haired lady 🙂

  4. Post author

    oh my god guys, your comments actually made me tear up. DAMN YOU ALL.

    seriously though, words cant express how grateful i am for these comments, you guys are wonderful.

  5. Aisha Soden

    So true…Maybe 2012 will be the year for me to do something different for myself!! Thanks for the constant inspiration. x

  6. That’s why you hang out with me, right? 😉 cos I’m a big ball of positive energy (albeit in a small package) LOL

    Jokes aside, well done you for making the little changes that makes such big difference in your life. Love you, and keep rocking the wedding world! Mwah x

  7. SO TRUE!
    I do not allow nasty comments on my foodblog either, I don’t see the point in it. I don’t understand why you would take the trouble to post a negative comment on someones work which they clearly do with so much love and passion. Frankly, I feel sad for those people. I can’t imagine them having a lot of friends being so bitter.

    I deleted my first negative comment a month ago, first I was shocked by the comment and then I got myself together an thought ‘you don’t know me so you don’t get to judge, so f*** off!’ and I hit the delete button !

    Good on you Kat! Stay happyface 🙂

    ps. Thanks again for your advice recently xxx

  8. Right on. For as far as we know, we’re only here the once, so allowing negativity to dominate our lives is such a waste of missed, wonderful opportunities.

    I spent many years in a (well paid, well respected) job that I was good at, but hated. At the end, I’d cry every night at the thought of going to work. Everyone, don’t let that happen to you – honestly, no amount of money is worth it.

  9. Great post. I think this is something we all need reminding of from time to time, in all aspects of life. Lovely post for a friday 🙂

  10. Faith Caton-Barber

    P.S. something I learned that you may find useful when things get stressful and you find yourself in a negative spiral or generally overwhelmed. Positive stuff happens when you make a positive effort:

    STOP

    Stop
    Take a moment to breathe, let go of distractions

    Think
    Focus on what you can control and what you can do to make a situation better; detach yourself from negative ifs and buts

    Organise
    Decide what you’re going to do to move things in a better direction, something simple like a to do list, getting some help, or planning a reward for yourself once you’ve achieved your goal

    Proceed
    Get back to it 😉

  11. Kat, I love how you noticed the negativity in your life and made the choice to take total control and erase it from your life. Long live positivity! <3 Great post!

  12. Couldn’t agree more. My motto is “if you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything’!!

    Enjoyed this post 😉

  13. We have been talking about this in the office this morning and how difficult it can be to remove certain influences from your life, especially in relation to social media.

    People seem to think that you have to have everyone you have ever met as a friend on Facebook, or follow people just because everyone else does on Twitter. If you don’t like someone then you don’t have to have them in your life.

    Once you learn to take control of these areas of your life it’s amazing how quickly you can cut the bad stuff out of your life.

    You’re life is a dictatorship, if you don’t take control of it someone else will.

  14. Gemma

    I love this post I really do but its easier said than done when you have kids. I can’t just walk away from my regular wage. I call my work the hell hole ive spent 10 years there being depressed. Moaning about shifts, the customers, the boss, hell bitching about each other as well 🙁 just waiting for my big break if it ever appears. Happy for you that you found yours in rock and roll bride <3

  15. Hayley B

    I totally agree with Chloe’s motto.
    Negative people and attitudes just zap too much of my energy… ignore them… delete them… smile and move on.

    I love Rock N Roll Bride… greatness guaranteed!

  16. This post rings so true to me. Surrounding yourself with likeminded people is just so important. It was a long time ago, but I remember clearly how much happier I was when I started art school compared to how utterly miserable I was at high school simply because I was meeting lots of people just like me! Here were people who shared my interests and dreams and who weren’t putting me down all the time – hooray!

    Have to admit, I do kind of fear internet negativity in a way as people can be quite cruel when they are sitting safely behind their computers, but you are right, rise above it and ignore!

  17. Post author

    Hey Gemma, sorry to hear that your job is a bit shitty. However recognising the negative feelings is the first step to making yourself feel better, whatever situation youre in

  18. Jessica

    This is my first comment on this site though I follow it everyday! Thank you so much for that amazing post! I recently had neck surgery and was just able to go back to work for a few hours after over a month of being home. I have to say that staying positive is really difficult, but yesterday I realized how truly grateful I am for my work, and coworkers, and how much I missed it and I am hoping to stop all my bitching about work, because when you are forced to not go and just stay at home, it gives a perspective on how much you have! Keep all the positivity and keep being amazing! Thanks for the beautiful Friday post Kat!

  19. I used to be similar. Very depressed, and drawn to everything and everyone depressing. I’d be grumpy, bitchy, moany… Then I made a conscious decision to just stop doing it. If I wanted to be happy, I’d make myself happy. I stopped being grouchy with my partner. I quit a job that I hated and was filled with negativity to go to uni and start pursuing my photography. If little things were getting to me (like my partner getting home late from work) I’d just take a second and tell myself to stop and put it in perspective. I made a massive effort to be more positive and let happiness into my life, and I am literally a million times better off for it. It really worked, and okay everyone does still get down sometimes and you will still encounter negativity but in general I am just such a happy and positive person now.

  20. I hate haters! Haha, see what I did there?! But seriously, perfect timing for this post, we are currently having a lot of conversations about this and trying to ‘de-negative’ our lives.

    It really makes a huuuge difference to actually embrace the positive and try to lose the negative, whether it’s about people, comments, actions or even the news.

    If you allow negativity to creep in it will just fester inside you and radiate out to everybody around you. Not a good look.

    Keep the love!! x

  21. Linda

    Kat,
    Thanks for this! I’m a naturally cynical person and recently I’ve been trying to be more positive about everything in my life. I ain’t gonna lie some days it’s difficult but overall I’m being good. I’ve started to make lists about what I would like to see change and there are a few influences that have contributed….you and your blog being one! I never used to comment online. I felt it was all too horrible and filled with people being nasty. Your blog helped change that and now I know its so easy to write something nice and that can mean a lot to someone. I love this post you have brightened up my day when I was feeling sorry for myself! Here’s to keeping positive!

  22. Honestly, I can’t believe anyone would leave a negative comment on your blog or twitter! What is there to hate? And I’m not just trying to be nice here, I’m genuinely puzzled. Is it because people just can’t get to terms with the fact that you are doing a job you love while they are stuck in a rut? Or do they not agree with what you think is awesome and worth posting? Oh envy is a bad bad thing…

  23. Post author

    haha Anne i dont know and i kinda dont care! as long as all the awesome people like you like what im doing then im a happy bunny!

  24. Couldn’t agree more. I left my job because it was a horrible, horrible, vile place to work. Trouble was, everyone who worked there had bought into the fact that it was a terrible place and instead of trying to create a positive atmosphere, they spent all their time and energy moaning and bitching. Sometimes it’s not the job, the management team or anything else – it’s the attitude. x

  25. I feel like I’m in a similar spot – very depressed every day with my day job. Wedding planning and blogging about it is now the highlight of my day. You’re an inspiration! I am going to try this whole positivity thing on my Twitter and FB. Thanks for the push.

  26. So true and well said! I follow this blog not because I’m “into” weddings but because you’re such a huge inspiration to me. You’re truly awesome. I too have spent most of my adult life feeling sad and negative, and surrounding myself with negative people… and it’s time to stop.

    Life is wayyyy to short to be unhappy!!!

  27. What a great post. Fine advice once again from the Pink Haired One. If you’ve not read it have a look at this book it’s brilliant! (EVIL PLANS – Escape The Rat Race and Start Doing Somethign You Love) by Hugh Macleod. it has inspired me !
    C x

  28. Love it! Just shared on my FB page. 🙂 I actually hung up the quote at the top of the post about a month ago in my office. 🙂

  29. I love reading your blog Kat but very rarely comment, however this post has rung so true for me today. I was literally just thinking about why some people are so negative all the time and your post popped up on my twitter feed. I have made a conscious decision recently to rise above the negativity some people give out every day, my life is too short to be drained and brought down by these people.
    I honestly swear since I made that decision I have had so much good news, it makes not hearing the negatives so much easier :o)

    Thank you for putting into words my thoughts! x

  30. Kat, I love this post. It’s a move I made a few years ago and I am so much happier for it, positivity breeds positivity too as the replies have shown xx

  31. Hi Kat im a blogger I talk about my handmade doggie stuff and other things sometings I go sad because I have no comments on my blog and I fell is a waist of time. But im happy with my blog only thing is maybe I need more happy people in my life.

    xoxo
    Sylvette

  32. anon

    thanks so for this. my partner just got made redundant (two weeks before christmas, yup, that happened). he hated that job, so we’re trying to be positive – could be the best thing that ever happened to us (but i’m so scared).

  33. ChinaDoll

    Totally love this post Kat! I’m in the middle of jobs at the moment after taking the plunge and quitting a job I hated. While there have definitly been some ‘down’ moments regarding my decision, I know that I have made the right choice and that something better is around the corner. I really believe that people dont realize how much being in negative environments or jobs they hate affect their health and wellbeing. This post is definitely going on my blogs weekly roundup!

  34. Hi, just wanted to leave a quick note to say I love your blog and your style.
    Totally agree with this post also – it’s so hard to get out of a negative mindset once you’re in it, but there’s nothing better than being in a job where you’re happy. We spend too much time at work to be miserable!

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