I’m not going to lie to you, I’ve cried too many tears over my weight. I had an eating disorder for ten years and although I was technically recovered by the time I came to walk down the aisle, it was still at the forefront of my mind when planning the wedding.
My thoughts of self-loathing reared their ugliest head when it came to choosing my dress of course. I was worried that I’d never find one that I felt good in. I was worried that I’d be uncomfortable all day. I was worried that I’d look back at my wedding photos and cry because I looked so enormous.
There seems to be two main schools of thought when it comes to body image, weight and weddings. There are those, like me now, that believe you should focus on being healthy and not stress yourself out by trying to lose weight before the wedding. Then there are others that go on a diet or sign up to some kind of sadistic bridal bootcamp torture as soon as that sparkler is slipped onto their finger.
The latter makes me so very sad. I just wish these people knew how much happier they’d be without putting that extra pressure on themselves, and that on the day, how much they weigh will be the very last thing on their minds. But, believe me I get it, accepting your body the way it is can be difficult for even the most confident people.
I haven’t weighed myself since I was in my early 20s (it was a huge trigger for my disordered eating) but I think I was a little bit heavier on our wedding day. When I look back at our photographs I can see this, sure, but it doesn’t devastate me like I thought it would. I don’t look back and see the weight, I look back and see our happy beaming faces and the inexplicable joy that radiates from every single image.
I don’t think anything can prepare you for how you’ll feel on your wedding day. I didn’t think about my weight or my body once. I didn’t walk down the aisle worrying about how I looked, I practically ran down the aisle, desperate to see and marry Gareth.
For probably the first time in my life I felt completely gorgeous. I adored and felt comfortable in my dress and everybody told me how beautiful I looked. But more importantly, I felt loved. By Gareth, by my friends, and by my whole family who were there to celebrate with us. Nothing else mattered.
I know body image and weight can be a huge stress and burden for so many of you. I feel you, I’ve been there… in fact many days I am still there. But your size or how your body looks does not determine your lovability. Your wedding day will be amazing because you are amazing, and because you are marrying an amazing person who loves every last amazing inch of you.