Wedding Perfection is a Goddamn Lie

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full wedding

You’ve been lied to. The wedding magazines, the TV shows, even the wedding blogs… scrap that, especially the wedding blogs… have been deceiving you since day one. (Wedding) perfection does not exist. There are too many variables, too many things that can go ‘wrong’. But you know what? That’s OK.

Sure, the DIY projects you’ve been slaving over may not be as perfect looking as the ones on Pinterest.

Yeah, maybe your groom doesn’t want to wear that ever so cute patterned bow tie you saw some other dude rocking on his wedding day.

Maybe it’ll rain, maybe your dress will get a little muddy, maybe your divorced parents will have a fight…

SO WHAT?

A wedding is not supposed to be Pinterest-perfect. Your wedding is not a photo shoot. Your wedding doesn’t have to get featured on a blog or published in a magazine.

The internet is stuffed full of amazing wedding inspiration and ideas. You could go back and forth right up until the day about what you’re going to do or how you’re going to make your wedding the coolest/ quirkiest/ most epic one ever…  But you know what won’t change? The person you are marrying, the vows you’ll say and the look you’ll give each other as you walk down the aisle.

Your feelings for each other won’t change if you have a steampunk wedding or a vintage wedding or a bloody unicorn walking you down the aisle (although if you are doing the latter, please send me the photos because that sounds friggin’ awesome). The most important part of the wedding will be there whatever dressing you give it – the two of you.

Your wedding is about you guys standing up in front of your nearest and dearest and promising to love each other forever.

And THAT, dear reader, is what makes the perfect wedding. The rest of it can just jog right on.

Supporting Cast

27 comments

  1. Best advice, it doesn’t matter and to be honest as long as you have fun on your wedding day who cares? I’m planning my wedding for next August and we do have a unicorn….I promise I’ll send you a photo ;) it’s not walking me down the isle but I do get to sit on it

    Kisses xxx

  2. Baloolah Bunting

    So very true, it’s window dressing- the whole point is lost in a mire of planning craziness sometimes.

  3. Could not agree more Kat! I posted this exact sentiment only yesterday – it should be all about the couple although a unicorn processional does sound like a lot of fun! x

  4. Perfect, just perfect. So good to hear from a fab blogger as yourself. ‘Your wedding is not a photo shoot’. Hoorah. Now, let’s get on with the real love/life/happy/special day’ness of a wedding and stop trying to make it something else. Thanks.

  5. Charlotte

    100% agree!

    I was only just saying to friend recently how I feel like there is so much pressure and expectation on weddings to ‘perform’ – especially so with the advent of things like Pinterest. Don’t get me wrong, I love pinterest and wedding blogs alike (especially rock and roll bride!)but, as you so perfectly put it, even if it doesn’t all go to plan- it doesn’t matter. You are getting married! I get married in February next year, and when I was recently making a table decoration, I spent a full hour agonising over the finish. My wonderful fiance turned and said to me, ‘it’s not the venue they are coming to see or the decorations- it’s us as a couple telling them all we want to make that commitment to one another’.

    He’s so right, all I want is to be his wife- and if we don’t get everything done that we had planned- well sod it! I’ve got my man and that’s the most important thing in the world.

  6. *googles ‘unicorn rental service’*

    Well said, Kat. This whole blogging and social media thing has the nasty side effect that we all feel like the world revolves around us sometimes. An egofest. A wedding should be anything you like, IMO, but you shouldn’t forget what it’s about: you and your love and how special it is to have found that in each other :)

  7. Post author

    Charlotte – totally. i LOVE weddings (obviously!) and sharing awesome ones makes me so excited but the most important thing is the LOVE and the relationship behind it.

  8. Jo

    BRILLIANT, thank you so much for saying this! And my fiancé just looked over my shoulder and especially liked this bit:
    “Your wedding is about you guys standing up in front of your nearest and dearest and promising to love each other forever.”

  9. Agreed! I feel like I often remind my brides when things don’t go as planned that they’re marrying the love of their life and everyeverything else is just peripheral! Its always lovely to show off your personalitites in your decor but it’s not why anyone is there.

  10. Perfectly put! If you’re not enjoying it, don’t do it. Your guests are only there to see and celebrate with you and won’t notice the lack of ……….. {enter what is stressing you out/putting you over budget here} xx

  11. Dominique

    So true! I got married in October and the music didn’t work when I was walking down the aisle. If someone had told me that would happen before the wedding I would have freaked, but it just didn’t matter at that moment. All that mattered was looking at my just-about-to-be-husband!

  12. nyc artist

    You have no idea how much I needed to read this….and not even because I am getting married! I’m already married but going crazy trying to make a friend’s wedding shower so perfect, and spending way too many hours researching blogs and pinterest. It’s true, it’s the thought that counts, and the memories with loved ones and feeling connected to friends and family and of course, your future husband/wife. Thanks for posting this, it felt like a weight was just lifted.

  13. Very True and that’s why my husband and myself decided to stay true to what we wanted. And to be honest the little things that went wrong, the wedding car reversing over a rock and my husband calling me his unlawful wife, have actually made it fondly memorable. For us the best part was declaring our love in front of those nearest and dearest.

  14. Alex

    This really resonates with me. About a year ago, and about 4 months of being engaged, I was off work with a cold, under my duvet cover feeling sorry for myself. In a bid to cheer myself up I turned to a few wedding blogs. Maybe it was that I was under the weather, or that me and my fiance still hadn’t decided what to do for our nuptials, but whereas I’d ordinarily find wedding blogs inspiring, I found one particular blog utterly depressing. A couple of days of blogging had been given over to one person’s wedding, with multiple posts, and films. They had done it all in a few months, clearly spent a lot and everything was styled beautifully etc etc. But while it was definitely ‘blog-worthy’ it also looked emotionally vacant. I moved over to another blog which showed a couple, and a few of their friends having an absolute blast. There were images of family members welling up and moments of total joy. There were no props, no fancy dinner, it was v.v.v.low key. I was at that point so glad I found it, it was a relief. Sometimes I like to look back at that post to get perspective on my own wedding. I love blogs, but I also want a day to focus on the ones that I love and not whether things look good enough that someone might choose to blog it.

  15. Rebecca

    This is the what I want to base my entire business on! Making couple remember their marriage in the midst of the crazy world of weddings.. The wedding is not the end goal.. It’s only the first step.. Yay for this kind of mindset!

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