The Treadmill

Photography Credit: Olivia Locher

Sometimes I sit here and feel like a failure.

I have a job I love, a husband that makes me so incredibly happy, and a life I never thought I would… but still… sometimes, just sometimes, I feel like I’m a fraud. Like it’s all a front. Like it probably won’t last. Like it’s not real life or something.

I don’t know… do you ever just feel a little bit lost? That the constant pressure for perfection and to ‘be the best’ makes your head spin?

Sometimes I just want to throw my computer out the window and actually BREATHE. The constant need to reinvent, reinvigorate and revolutionise can be exhausting. But it’s vital for any long standing success and sometimes that pressure can be really intense. It feels a bit like running on a treadmill that’s constantly speeding up. I just hope that it doesn’t spin so fast that one day I fall off.

I don’t want this post to be a negative one and I don’t want you to think that I’m complaining… But I guess I just really want to tell myself – and you – that sometimes it’s actually OK to sit back and to have that time to breathe.

So that’s what I’m going to do this week.

My best friend in the entire world is coming to stay. We haven’t seen each other in a YEAR. I know! We suck! But we’re both so ridiculously busy and life has seriously been getting in the way of our play times.

So basically, this week, I plan to spend a lot of time giggling, shopping, eating – you know, doing the things we used to enjoy before work got so crazy and twitter became our playground and our contact with the outside world. I also plan to spend a disproportionate amount of time dressed as a cat but that’s a story for another day. Then on Thursday I’m off to Birmingham to see my girls Lucy & Abbey at their Paper Girls workshop… and on Friday Emma is taking us to Cadbury World! I don’t even like chocolate but I’m so excited I could scream.

So this is my pledge to you. I’m getting off my computer, I’m limiting my twitter use and I’m actually going to go outside and live my life a little bit.

Who’s with me?

16 comments

  1. Sam B

    Firstly… you don’t like chocolate?! Lol.

    I know what you mean, I’m in fashion design and I hate it. For me its the overwhelming suffocating feeling that I spent 8 years studying a subject I hate working in and work such long hours that the parts of my life that make me happy (fiance/dog/family/friends) get totally pushed aside. I am literally wishing my weeks away.

    Its good sometimes to just shout ‘stop!!’ this is silly!! You only live once, time to breathe and put yourself first for once.

    Have a fab week! x

  2. I feel like this every day, heart racing trying to imagine how I will get everything done whilst juggling a million other things in my head that I want to do next.
    Sam, I know what you mean, it feels like the hardest industry in the world, at least at the end of the day it’s just a dress in your hands and not a kidney!
    Taking a breather totally makes you enjoy it all again. Even just a Sunday off works for me, which doesn’t come that often. Have a fabulous, amazing week Kat! x

  3. I couldn’t agree more lovely. Am definitely going through that phase at the moment and you’re right, I need to step away to view my life and work from a different angle. Sometimes when you’re so close to it, you can’t see how great things could be. Might see you on Thursday! x

  4. It’s a sad fact of life that when you’re self employed, you tend to ignore the ‘work time’ and ‘me time’ that goes hand in hand by being paid for set hours. I always used to say to my staff that they NEED to go home as you can’t be as productive when you’re over working. But, it’s hard to take your own advice!

    Good for you. Recharging IS part of working :)

  5. Go Kat Go! I’ll be your cheerleader. You out of anyone are always so true to yourself– you NEED these breathers to refresh and feel like a real person again! xoxoxo

  6. Totally know what you mean, you deserve to unwind every now and again – do it! ;-)

    Don’t worry we’ll be letting our hair down VERY soon at the xmas parties whoop whoop!

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