Photography Credit: Assassynation (full wedding here)
I was blown away by the response to the article I published on Weight Loss and Weddings a few weeks ago. Thank you to every single one of you who was brave enough to leave a comment sharing your own experiences. Even though the post has been up for a little while the tweets, emails and blog comments are still pouring in for it. I never really know how topics like that will go down so it means a lot that you guys put yourselves out there like that. You are all so amazing.
There was one resounding message that came from the comments, and one I didn’t anticipate. It was your concerns of bad experiences with bridal shops and your worries with finding a wedding dress you love (and that fitted/complimented your figure/made you look beautiful). The crazy thing was that these concerns were not even limited to those of you who identified yourselves as overweight. It seemed that nearly all of you, no matter what your shape or size, had concerns or stories to tell about the bridal shop experience.
Today I thought I’d put together a few tips and ideas of how to make the whole experience of finding a wedding dress less of an ordeal.
Make an appointment
While there’s nothing wrong with popping into a bridal shop if you see one on your travels, it’s unlikely that you’ll be able to actually try anything on without an appointment. Some smaller shops will only have an assistant per appointment, so without one you might not have anyone to help you even look at the gowns on the hangers. Bridal shops can get extremely busy at weekends, so if you are able to visit or make an appointment for a weekday then you may well be given more time and better service (as they won’t all be rushed off their feet!)
Arrive in plenty of time
Being punctual is also super important. You don’t want to get off to a bad start by making the assistant wait. Your appointment will likely be limited to a fixed amount of time (i.e. an hour) and especially if they have a busy schedule of back-to-back appointments, you won’t be able to have your slot run over because you were late.
Photography Credit: Claire Morgan Photography (full wedding coming soon)
Ask questions
If you book an appointment over the phone, be sure to ask any questions to clear up anything you are not 100% sure of beforehand – i.e how many friends you’re allowed to bring, if you can eat and drink during the appointment, what to bring with you etc… Educating yourself beforehand is the best way to feel as stress-free as possible before you get there. Most misunderstandings or bad feelings between bridal shops and clients is through a lack of communication (from both parties!)
Listen to their advice & be open to possibilities
Although we’ve heard horror stories, not all people who work in bridal shops are witches! Most of them are experts in their stock and what styles suit which body shapes.
While you should be clear from the outset about what you definitely do not want (there’s no point trying on a dress that only comes in red if you’re having a blue colour scheme for example) don’t be afraid to try on styles you might not have considered. You may be surprised about what you like and some of the most amazing dresses look awful on the hanger but amazing on an actual body!
Don’t be afraid to say no!
Listen to the advice of the shop assistant and use their expertise and knowledge. However if you feel bullied or uncomfortable at any point don’t be afraid to say no. Don’t ever feel like you have to try a particular dress on because they say so! Be clear and honest about what you do and do not want. Remember this is supposed to be a fun experience not a stressful one! If you find yourself or your feelings being ignored, or you are made to feel uncomfortable at any point then end the appointment and leave. You don’t owe them anything and if you are not feeling well treated then at the end of the day they don’t deserve your custom!
Bring some allies
Bring a small group of friends or bridesmaids with you for moral support. Pick people whose style you admire and advice you appreciate. About 2 or 3 friends is usually OK, however feel free to check when you make your appointment if the shop have a limit. While you might want to bring all your besties for the experience, some shops are very small and you may not all fit in comfortably, PLUS often having too many opinions can be proper confusing!
Photography Credit: Fi Mims Photography (full wedding here)
Wear good underwear
This is a must! The shop assistant will probably be seeing you in not much else as you’ll need help to get into some of the dresses. Make sure you wear knickers that are modest. I’d suggest nude or white full briefs – this is not the time to be sexy or for rocking a hot pink g-string! Similarly bring a well fitting bra and if possible a strapless one to change into. Some of the dresses will look best with a strapless (or no) bra so it’s good to have options so you can see each dress looking its best.
Wear comfortable clothes
You should wear something that you can easily get in to and out of, so avoid outfits with lots of buttons or fiddly zips! Most wedding dresses will be tried on with a separate petticoat underneath which you’ll put on first, so if you’re feeling nervous about the whole ‘stranger-seeing-you-naked’ thing, a skirt and top might be the best option. This way you can take one off at a time and always be partially covered. Whenever I have to do some major shopping, a cotton stretchy maxi dress and ballet flats is my go-to outfit. It’s comfortable and easy to get in and out of quickly.
Bring heels
…Well, only if you plan to wear them on your wedding day of course!
Most bridal shops will provide basic white satin shoes for you to try on with the dresses in order to give you an idea of how they look with heels. However if you have a particular style, colour or height of shoe that you know you’ll be wearing, bringing them with you is always a good idea.
Photography Credit: Erin & Tara (full wedding coming soon)
Make sure you eat and drink (water)!
This is so important and not the time to be starving yourself in order to squeeze into that teeny tiny sample size or to look skinny to the assistant. Do not be ridiculous. It’s much more important to try dresses on at the size you actually are! It is an unfortunate fact that not all dress shops will have samples in your size, however a good assistant will be able to pin, lace, clamp or pad out a dress in order for it to look as good on you as possible.
Also remember that you will be on your feet a lot and it may be hot and stuffy. This is not the time for fainting from malnutrition or dehydration! Dress shopping can be exhausting so you’re going to need your energy. Also I don’t know about you, but I get proper grumpy when I’m hungry and this is not the best mood to be in when searching for your dream dress.
Ask if you can take photos
This is a highly contentious issue with some bridal shops and many will flat out refuse to let you take photos. Others will encourage it so make sure you check beforehand. I’m not going to go into the reasons why some of them are so anti-photos (that’s a whole other blog post!) but there is no harm asking if it is allowed.
If you are allowed to then definitely do it. It will enable you to look back on the photos when you’re back home and decide if that dress that seemed oh-so-perfect in the shop really did look as good on you as the shop assistant said.
Photography Credit: Live it Out Photo (full wedding coming soon!)
Keep alteration costs in mind
If you are on a specific budget make sure your assistant is aware of that before she shows you options. There is nothing worse then thinking you’ve found your perfect dress to then discover it’s double what you wanted to pay. Also be aware that most dresses are ordered in a standard size and then altered to fit you perfectly (FYI the size you order will always be bigger than you expect. This does not mean you are huge, it’s simply because bridal sizes are freakin’ tiny! I’m a UK size 12 and my wedding dress was ordered in an 18!) I think we then had to pay around £300 alteration costs (to make it fit perfectly) once my dress arrived.
Another thing to think about if you’re on a budget is that some dress shops may let you pay in installments. There’s no harm in asking if they offer this service. They can only say no!
You dont have to do it!
Wedding dress shopping can be a daunting experience and many brides choose to forgo it all together. Going the bespoke route with a dress maker is often not as expensive as many people assume, so if you really don’t fancy the bridal shop experience this is another great option. Similarly there are a huge number of online retailers selling wedding dresses (etsy is amazing for this!) but if you do order online, make sure you do so in plenty of time in case it doesn’t look, or fit, as you expect when it arrives. Also be aware that if you are ordering from overseas you’ll often have to pay custom charges.
Photography Credit: Emma Lucy Photography (full wedding here)
I hope some of you find these tips valuable. In fact if they help just one of you feel better about going wedding dress shopping then I’ll be super happy. Good luck girls. You are all beautiful!
p.s. Shameless plug alert – if you like posts like this then why not make my day and vote for me for ‘best wedding blog’ in the 2012 Perfect Wedding Awards? I’d be ever so grateful!!
Brilliant as usual, I have shared with all my bridal shop contacts to share with their brides too
Oh and of course you have my vote!
Kerry xxx
Bridal shops should send this out when brides make appointments – all bases covered! xx
Hiya! Great post, wish I had of read this pre-shopping. I found wedding dress shopping the most stressful part of planning so far. Some bridal shops were really rude and hard to work with, others were very nice but I just felt bad saying no to all the beautiful dresses that were ‘nice’ but not the one. After going to every shop I could get to in the North West and giving up I gave myself a few months off from looking, as it became soul destroying. I just didn’t feel like or look like a bride, maybe down to my own low self esteem but mainly I think I was being too fussy. So many dresses, and only one to chose. The pressure was immense! Being a designer myself I think my desire to just change everything was too strong, but the thought of getting someone to make my design (in my head) was too risky… what if it went wrong?! I’d have no-one to blame but myself! I eventually went back to a shop I’d visited before and bought my dress, as I signed the form to say I would not back out I was still doubting myself. The people in this particular shop were not the nicest, only after the sale and I’d had loads of trouble with them being funny with us previously. They were the only supplier of the dress in the uk so I just had to go for it. Still doubting my choice, it’s in my nature – but I know I did my damn hardest trying to find it, so the dress means a lot to me now. Blood sweat and tears went into finding it, lot’s of break downs, sleepless nights, arguments with bridesmaids and many miles travelled. xx
Great post
I’d just like to add, don’t be afraid to barter! I found my dress recently but it was £2,000 after all the alterations etc, and that was out of my budget. At my first request, the shop owner agreed to knock off the alterations, bringing it down to £1,700 but after lots of umming and ah-ing (and encouragement from my super thrifty mother), I told her that I just couldn’t go beyone £1,500 and she agreed to do the whole thing for that amount, dress, alterations and all. I’d never have tried this normally but my mother was adamant that it wouldn be possible and bless her, she was right.
Thanks for this article, and it’s great timing! I have my ‘dress day’ experience coming up in just under 2 weeks! Fortunately I’m 99.9% sure I’ve found my dream dress already and have already tried it on, but I’m doing the rounds just in case. I hoping for a fun day with my Mum & 2 Bridesmaids and a pitstop for lunch is planned. I won’t be parting with my hard earned cash to anyone who is mean to me or makes me feel ‘small’!
Absolutely sums it up Kat….I followed all of this advice and had the best wedding dress hunt experience I could’ve wished for, so very wise words indeed
xx
What a great article! I didn’t look at any bridal shops because of two reasons. One, I knew the dress I wanted would not be in any dress shop where I live. And two, I didn’t want to have an argument with my mother about what dress she would like to see me wear.
This decision was the best one I made because it meant the wedding planning was stress free and I could concentrate on the things that were important like having fun!
Really good artical! Covers everything I can think of! Maybe one other actually……cocktails & cake at the end of the day
this has always been a key in any bridesmaid duties I’ve done like this! xx
Great article. I hate clothes shopping, so I went into one shop which stocked loads, picked out 6 I loved in different styles (princess, fishtail, loads of bling, classic/plain etc) and colours (white, ivory, champagne…even one ivory one with a choice of either black or red embroidery!) picked my favourite, paid for alterations, paid in instalments…job done!I thought I looked great on my wedding day and let’s face it, when it comes to the dress, it’s only the bride’s opinion that really counts!
fab post (also the weightloss and undercvover bride one). ive been totally terrified of going into bridal shops so im glad i now have a manual to keep in mind. you ROCK. i think the women who work in / own these shops dont realise how terrifying they can be.
This is brilliant advice and definitely information we try to share with all our potential brides. I’ve already shared the article and I’m sure I’ll be referring people to it many times to come x
Great advise, and I have of course voted for you!
Just come out the other side of our wedding (two weeks ago yesterday). And I’m definelty an advocate of ‘you don’t have to do it’. I didn’t want to have a traditional dress ie strapless and the thought of going into a bridal shop filled me with dread. Having a dress made was the best experience ever, the designer was able to tweak as we went, make suggestions on what suited my shape with complete design creativity free from having to sell a particular dress. I also had time for my thoughts to evolve and get use to
me ‘wearing’ it (rather than the other way
round). The whole process was paced out over several months and was such a joyful experience!
Such great tips! I didn’t realize you should ask to take pictures!
I remember one wedding dress shop I went into in London (which will remain unnamed), with a friend who was choosing her dress, where they not only insisted you wear gloves to handle the samples, but also that you took your shoes off before walking on their carpet. Seriously – get over yourselves. It didn’t add to any ‘exclusive’ experience, it just felt as if they were treating us as grubby second-class citizens.
Needless to say, the bride didn’t buy from there, but instead from the lovely Suzanne Neville, whose premises was not only much more welcoming (and nicer), but who actually allowed us to keep our shoes on.
haha belinda! i just laughed out loud!
Very sensible and common sense advice Kat, every shop operates differently so it makes sense to ask beforehand and be prepared…only this morning I had a bride ask if she could bring a 2 year old…”sure “I said ,as there were other adults coming who would keep an eye on her. However I would not have recommended it if the bride had been alone, as there would be nobody to watch and entertain her whilst we spent time getting in and out of gowns in the fitting room.
Very glad of this post and advice for brides
Thanks
Great post Kat! Thanks for the tips. I’ll definitely be using them when the time comes to find a dress. I’ve contemplated avoiding the whole experience and getting a dress made, but part of me does want the experience of trying on some dresses with my best girls present and your tips have actually made me want to do that even more! Just out of interest, what would you say is the best way to choose which bridal shop to go for? There seem to be so many in my area and I don’t have a clue where to begin!
Sarah – I’d say look online and see if you can get an idea of designers you like the look of. Most designer websites will have a list of everywhere their dresses are stocked. If you literally have no idea then I guess start local and work your way out!
Hi All,
Do London Brides realise that the prices in central London are much higher for the same dress than if they bought the dress from say in Glasgow? I had this experience at one Designer Boutique, paid 30 pounds for the privilege of booking an appointment with them, only to not have the dress that I wanted to see available to try on. Anyway the dress I wanted was 3K. I decided (as the shop would not negotiate) to call nearly every other boutique under the English Sun to source the same dress but cheaper. I managed to negotiate with a shop in Glasgow the same dress 1,900 pounds. It really does pay to shop around. For me wedding dress shopping wasn’t fun
Hello,
I was very lucky with my experience, they were very accommodating and offered drinks and biccies. They advised me to bring shoes/ appropriate underwear and let me have as many of my support crew as I wanted. The dress I wanted they also negotiated on price as they had previously had it at a lower price when I first did my looking.
I would most certainly advise on getting very good underwear fitted, sorry other big reatilers but I will only do Bravissimo after my experiences. Also buy 2 or 3 styles as they may not sit correctly with your dress. As my bridal shop was 60 miles from home I had a costly experience when I had a bra fitted at a department store, I had told the fitter it didn’t seem to fit correctly, but they knew better… so when I took it to what should have been my final fitting, of course it was clear that it was not suitable nor correctly fitting.
I returned the next week with 3 well fitting styles from Bravissimo. The seamstress was able to make final adjustments and I knew exactly which bra looked and felt the best with the dress.
Thanks Kat as always for sharing all these experiences.
xx