Are Babies the Next Logical Step?

EAK Photography

I’ve never been particularly maternal. It’s not that I don’t like children, but in all honestly I wouldn’t ever choose to be in a room with a load of them. In fact at my parent’s Jubilee party which was frequented by rather a lot of screeching neighbourhood rugrats, I spent then entire time cowered in the corner staring at my lap/my glass of champagne/the dry sausage rolls and hoping none of them would try to talk to me. It’s ironic really, I’m pretty outgoing with adults, but anyone under 12 and I don’t know what to do. I guess I’m scared I’ll make them cry… or I’ll accidentally drop the f-bomb and scar them for life or something.

Sure, there are some kids I like, I have a few friends who are fantastic Mothers and have gorgeous children who are actually pretty fun to hang out with (they also find me fascinating which is quite hilarious. I’m pretty sure they think I’m actually a real life My Little Pony). But as nice as it is to be adored by these select few, it’s also really nice when they go to bed and we can have a drink and talk about things that don’t involve CBeebies’ characters. On the flipside I have had friends who have swiftly become ex-friends once they started popping out sprogs. I don’t know if that’s my fault…or theirs… or a combination of the two… but either way it’s happened.

Gareth and I were out to dinner the other night as we started chatting about children. I’m sure he won’t mind me saying that he always said he wanted children, although recently he’s started to change his mind. As he’s got older and our life has got more comfortable, he’s ended up pretty happy with our little child-free set up. I wonder if he, like I, always assumed that we would have kids, because you know, that’s what married people do.

I’ve always been on the fence. I’m not saying no way not ever… but I’d be alright with it if we didn’t end up having them.

Lemons with a pea via Etsy

I love my life right now. I love this little family we’ve build for ourselves. I love our crazy kittens and our chaotic house (which, by the way, is just the right amount of chaos without little ones in it!) I love that we have money for date nights and holidays and the odd (OK in my case regular) shopping spree. I love that we can sleep late and stay out til all hours. I love that when we feel like it we can fob the whole day off and go for burgers.

I think one of the main worries I have (and this may make me sound selfish but I’m just being honest here!) is that I don’t want to become one of those Mothers. You know, the ones who are totally obsessed with their ‘little darlings’. The ones who change their facebook profile pictures to one of their kids and start their online bios with ‘Mother to two beautiful girls’. ARGH! I know what you’re thinking, “Oh I’m sure you won’t be like that, there are plenty of women out there who don’t do that.” And yes, yes there are, I’m friends with some of them… but jeez I know how obsessed I am with my cats!

So my big question to you is does all this make me a totally selfish person? Should we be worried if we don’t have a burning desire to procreate? Is someone who doesn’t have children somehow missing out? Will I regret our decision when we get older and the choice is out of our hands? What if Gareth dies before me and I’m left all alone?

So I ask you, dear reader, what are your thoughts on the whole shebang? Do you want kids? Have you felt pressure since getting engaged/married to start thinking about a family? Or did you have children before you were married? Do you feel pressure from friends or family to have children? If you don’t want children do you have any guilt about that fact?


  1. Loving this post so much.

    firstly, yes I think it is a bit selfish… hear me out… but that’s ok! Well I think it is ok anyway because I don’t want children either. For the exact same reasons. I don’t want to share my Mr, I don’t want to burst or interrupt the amazing bubble we live in, and I simply don’t have the cash to feed another mouth. I’d rather buy shoes ta.

    I had this conversation only a couple of weeks ago, and I was accused of being selfish. ‘What about if you are too old when you do want kids?’ and ‘What if you CANT?!’ were amongst the reasons I was given to procreate immediately. I simply replied that I’ll deal with that if/when it comes to it. Right now we are blissfully happy, i don’t want anything to spoil that! Right now, I never want children, but I am open to change of course :)

    Hey, if G dies first you can be crazy cat lady with pink hair. :D

    L x

  2. Kids are pretty cool, but as someone who had children before getting married, I can totally see the appeal in not having little love fruits that spread weetabix everywhere and y’know, depend on you for every single thing they need.

  3. Its like THE question isn’t it. I, like you, have had friends who have completely lost themselves after having children. Their sense of identity has changed entirely. But then when I think back to their pre-baby lives, actually they were quite withdrawn and anti social anyway so maybe they haven’t changed that much, the baby just makes them appear as though they have.

    On the flip side, I have friends who’s lives have greatly benefited from having their babies. They are more outgoing than ever, they have more date nights than they ever did before and they seem complete and unbearably happy and more driven. It’s pushed some of them into making certain career moves and they are earning and taking care of their young and I couldn’t be more proud of them.

    I have always wanted children but it is the scariest thought in the world for me. I’m self employed, I live in an apartment, I love my city centre lifestyle, I’m largely selfish, but I think I would be a good Mom. I’m only 27 which may seem young to some but I’m on my way to being ready. I’m not sure I’ll ever be entirely ‘ready’ but hey ho…who wants a boring uneventful life! Bring on the bambino’s I say. It’s what you make it and I know 100% a baby will fit into my life and not the other way round. Obviously it will have certain needs (pah – see how ready I am) but largely, it will still be MY life and it will enjoy being a part of it.

    I reckon you should do it Kat – but in saying that I am picturing a cute baby with pink hair!! Who doesn’t want to see that!

    Great post yet again and thanks for sharing