Do You Have to Invite Plus Ones to Your Wedding?

I’m going start out by being 100% honest with you. I don’t really know the answer to this question. However after a discussion with Roo last week, I feel it might be a topic some of you are struggling with. Therefore I thought I’d use today’s wedding planning advice post as a forum for us to get in a discussion on the matter – I want to know your ideas and opinions on the subject please!

Although I’m sure you could Google this question and come up with the ‘proper etiquette’ answer, I think it’s much more relevant these days to figure out what’s right for you and your wedding. However I do think you should consider a few things before you make your decision…

Wedding budget

Firstly, every extra body at your wedding is going to cost you more money in food and alcohol. Before decided whether or not to allow someone to bring a guest, your first port of call should be to figure out if your budget allows for them.

The size of the wedding

If you’re having an intimate wedding the likelihood is that you want to keep it as small as possible, and only with people you really know. However if your wedding is going to be an 200 guest extravaganza a few extra bodies won’t be too weird.

Relationships

The choice on whether to invite your best friend’s husband Vs the brand new boyfriend of your second cousin twice removed is undoubtably a different situation altogether. Here’s my opinion…

The spouse or live-in/long term partner of a close friend or family member should always be invited. However if someone has only being seeing someone for a little while (especially if you haven’t met them yourself) I don’t think it’s unreasonable to not extend the invitation.

I also personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with only allowing a select few people a plus one. What is important, is to have a clearly defined set of rule and a cut-off point to explain who gets to bring a date and who doesn’t. If someone then has a strop (“Yeah sure we’ve only been dating for a week but I know he’s the one, pleeeeease can he come?!”) having these clear cut rules will allow you to explain your reasoning in a rational and fair manner.

As a side thought, you might want to allow your bridesmaids and groomsmen to bring their boyfriends/girlfriends as they’ve probably done a lot to help you in the run up to your wedding.

Who the invitee is

When we were married, we allowed plus ones for a few people. First and formost or very close friends and family members were allowed to bring their spouses and long term partners. But we also made an exception to the rule for some invitees who actually weren’t within our close circle of friends/family and wouldn’t know anyone else at the wedding (i.e. childhood friends). We did this because we wanted everyone to enjoy our wedding and to not feel uncomfortable because they didn’t know anyone. However, as I said before, this was a rule we decided on before hand. You have to figure out what works for you and your invitees.

What others in your family/circle of friends have done

Have you been to any of your close friends’ weddings recently? Try asking them what they did and why. If you’re within the same circle of friends, chances are whatever your best friend did for her wedding last year might work for you too. If they didn’t allow plus ones maybe ask the people who were invited without their partner if they thought it was OK or not. Sure it’s your choice, but a little research never hurt anybody.

How to go about it

Be sure to make it clear on your invitation if a person is allocated a plus one or not. Usually you’d address the invite and ‘Mr John Smith Plus Guest’ if they are allowed to bring someone or just ‘Mr John Smith’ if they are not. If you’re not allowing guests and you want to make sure someone doesn’t accidentally show up with a hanger-on, a polite note in the additional info section of your invitation should suffice. However if you feel weird doing this, a simple phone call to explain your rules might be required.

So in closing, I don’t think there is a cut and dry answer to the plus one dilemma. However the most important thing is to make the decision based on what works for you and your wedding. You should have a solid set of rules beforehand to enable you to explain to any potential strop-throwers why their latest fling isn’t invited to your wedding.

All Photography Credit: Emma Case Photography (full wedding here)

38 comments

  1. Laura C

    I think this is a very good subject – something which has been a dilemma for us for ages!

    Our hard and fast rule is ‘if we know them and like them, they’re in’. If not, no chance. We’re having 75 guests – our nearest and dearest only.

    This, so far, has served us well. However, one of my two only cousins has just got engaged. I see my cousin once every 5 ish years, and have never met his partner. I feel guilty about applying our rule to this one, but as long as they dont get married before me I think it still applies!

    If they do get married…then I’ll have a large headache!

  2. We decided early on that we weren’t giving plus ones to our single friends. We’ve been very clear and open when anyone asks, unless someone is in a relationship then no plus one.
    I think when we explained that we didn’t want people we don’t know at the wedding at the expense of someone we do, most of our friends were understanding.
    I did have one (young) cousin ask what was the cutoff point for her finding a boyfriend would be, I explained that only serious boyfriend/girlfriends, not just someone you’re seeing would be invited. We also said that it should be someone we have met, i.e. we’re not paying for strangers.
    Both sets of parents seemed confused by the concept but all our friends seem happy with it.

  3. Sarah-Jane

    I have been really strict on plus ones. Old school friends who I rarely see all have partners an whether they live with them or not isn’t relevant to me, we would rather that space be given to someone I love and want at our wedding. It’s a bit easier for h2b he has told his friends he thought they would want a night away from their partners ! People might get offended and it’s been hard but we don’t want to end up only knowing half of our guests x

  4. We allowed only people with known partners to bring their plus ones on a ‘Have we met them? do we like them?’ basis and it worked. No one was offended.

    However despite telling older members of the family this was like walking to a brick wall and looking back at the photos i can see some distant relatives/their mates hanging around taking up seats while family and friends i had invited had to stand

  5. Nicola

    We aren’t having plus-ones partly because of cost but I don’t see why we should have strangers and the most important day of our lives. Equally we haven’t invited some relatives – if they’re not really part of my life why should I invite them?

    The biggest barrier I’ve come against is people’s expectation that they should be allowed to bring someone

  6. Dale

    Ooo brilliant topic Kat! We are inviting everyone’s partners to our wedding -we have met them all anyway so that’s not an issue for us- it is mainly because our friends and family are scattered across the country and many will have to travel. Personally, I think if you are asking people to give up their precious weekend, travel a distance and pay for accomodation you have to let them ‘make a weekend of it’ with their other half. But, we’re not giving our single friends plus ones – when I was single I always found plus one invites really embarassing. Is that just me? I hate that that bit where you have to reply, ‘yes I can come, but it will just be me, because…I am a sad loser with no friends/wouldn’t want to give this boy I’m seeing false hope/wouldn’t be seen dead with any of these boys in public’. x

  7. It’s really tough. But for me more people means spending less time with the people I love and care about. Even if we had a unlimited budget I still think I’d be relatively strict on the plus ones. Our rule is if I know them, then they can come, although for the one or two friends who don’t know anyone else I’ve invited there other halves. I think some people have been offended, but really that’s their problem. It is made a bit easier by the fact that both parents are the oldest children so all my cousins are relatively young and unpartnered, otherwise we’d be in real trouble

  8. Honey

    Interesting topic. I don’t know what to do about this one. We are having a very small wedding, only 20 people max. I invited two of my childhood friends who live in Spain, and even though I don’t know their partners I have extended the invitation to them as they have all been together for a few years. I think this is ok because they are traveling from another country just to be with us, and they need to know someone at the wedding. However, now I have a dilemma because I don’t want anyone to think that we are allowing plus ones. This is just an exception for this two guests.
    I have a bridesmaids who would like her partner there. She has been with the guy 3 years, but they are on and off all the time, and not a lot of people like him. I really would prefer not to extend the invitation to him, but as you mentioned she is a bridesmaid and perhaps I should just invite him? any suggestions?

  9. Mads

    I think it’s a really tricky one, but our rule was if we’ve met the ‘plus one’ and hung out with them on an one-to-one basis with our friend/family member, then they’re invited. We explained this adhockly about 6 months before the wedding, so for us, it meant our singular friends didn’t assume they would be able to bring dates, but we hoped if our friends were seeing people (and hoped it would be long-term) there was opportunity for us to get to know them better and enjoy being part of our wedding. Only one friend had a problem with it but it was great to have rule to explain, and aside from that one little discussion, it seemed to go down as well as these things can. When wedding costs are rising it really isn’t fair for the bride and groom to have to pay for a stranger. Particularly as we had a free bar. But maybe it’s different if you’re asking your guests to pay for their drinks.

    I appreciate we were fortunate that none of our guests didn’t know anyone else, so I can see how in that case there are exceptions, and personally, then it’s down to those who are paying for the day to justify. Some of our other friends who are getting married this year have decided to do the same rule which means it must’ve been okay..? x

  10. helen

    Good topic .. we have said no to cousin plus ones if they don’t live with them. We both have over 5 cousins each in their 20’s each who change their partners like hairstyles. However I have invited some work collegues and felt I should invite their other (married) halves as I wouldn’t want to attend a wedding without D. I totally agree though with having people there you don’t know, but I thought it worth it to make my friends happy to have their husband/wife there.

  11. Natalie

    For our wedding, single friends aren’t bringing plus ones.

    However, I agree with Kat’s comment that you should consider plus ones for members of the bridal party who have done a lot to help out. So we asked them before sending the invites out…for example best man and bridesmaid are both single, we asked whether to add ‘and guest’ on the invite and they both said no. However, my bridesmaid doesn’t know anyone at all, whereas the best man does, so I still put ‘and guest’ on hers! She rang me to confirm only her still though!

    If relationships are known to the family as being ‘long term’ then cousins can bring their other halfs, even though I haven’t met some of them. It’s hard, as you try and apply one rule and it means you don’t invite the ones that you know, and have met and get on with, but not the ones you haven’t met, and if they are siblings it seems a little unfair. And the only reason we haven’t met them is because we live far away from them.

    My friend who got married quite young and was the first out of our group, applied the ‘no plus ones’ to her wedding, which was ok as some were single, and the rest of us were’not engaged or living with our partners. Whereas for the same group of friends 7 years later, I’m inviting their other halfs, as two are now married and the other 3 live with their other halfs. So it depends on the situation at the time too.

    Guest lists are the hardest thing ever!

  12. Julia

    This is such a tricky situation and what makes it even more complicated is that guests’ relationship status can often change in between the save the dates and the invitations! However I think the bride and groom are well within their rights to decide they don’t want to invite (and spend super-precious time talking to, and pay for!) guests who they don’t know well enough to really want there. This was our policy but I have to say it’s harder in practice – we chose not to invite h2b’s cousin’s girlfriend (neither of us had even met her in our lives) and his grandparents were quite upset and angry with us – so we backed down on that one, but have tried to stick to as fair and consistent a set of rules as we can for everyone else. If a guest isn’t really going to know many people there and may feel uncomfortable on their own, they get a plus one. And if they’re in the wedding party or immediate/close family they can bring their partner. But otherwise we felt that we only wanted to invite partners that we actually spend time with in real life.

  13. Pearl

    Ooh, I’m going to put in my tuppence worth from the point of view of being a guest! (Or not, as it turns out!). My OH was invited to the wedding of his two close friends next summer; it’s on the opposite side of the country (in a place they have no ties so everyone has to travel to it), in a difficult and expensive location to get to/stay, and he’d need to take a day off work to attend (so two nights accommodation needed). He only knows the couple and their best man – basically everyone who’ll all be too busy with other stuff on the day. We were looking forward to it though, and planned to make a holiday of it.

    We’ve been together super seriously since the offset (two years ago; and we’re planning weddings & mortgages and all sorts ourselves ;) and I’ve met the couple in question (not much though as they live in a different city from us). Turns out I don’t get an invite to their big day. I can completely understand it from the point of view that they don’t know me well and that there are others they’d rather invite, and that for me to attend would be an extra expense for them – but the whole thing has left quite a bitter taste for us, and my OH has had to say to them that he can’t attend simply because the costs would just be too high if it was only him going, which is quite sad really. I urged him to go, and that I’d help out with costs if needs be, but I think the thought of being on his own is just a little too depressing for him after years of always being the single one at weddings(!). From my point of view, when my OH & I get married we’d be inviting both of them as they’re close friends of his, so I kind of feel like there hasn’t been much foresight from them on that count. :(

    I’d really not have minded if they’d said I could only come to the evening event or something – I just can’t help but feel that they should have thought about how difficult it is to travel as a single person and not know anyone there?

    I agree about not inviting every random only-been-together-two-weeks-OHs and such, but I’m definitely with those above who’ve mentioned letting select guests have +1. It’s worth having a think about how it would impact inviting guests who don’t know anyone else and/or need to travel to get to your wedding – you want that person to be there to celebrate your big day with you, and to me a small part of that is also thinking of their needs as well so everyone can enjoy the day. A little will go a long way in cementing your ties with someone, so in some cases it’s worth keeping that in mind?

  14. We’ve taken a balanced approach to this one.

    Where we know the partner then of course they are invited.

    If the person we know doesn’t know anyone else at the wedding then we’ve said bring a plus one so they are comfortable.

    Everyone else is flying solo.

  15. Alison

    My boyfriend went to a large Irish wedding when we’d been together about 2 months: too soon for me to be added to the guest list, but I could have gone in the evening. I decided not to go as it was a long way to travel for 1 evening: but wish I had gone now as I would have met all his friends in one fell swoop.
    Our wedding is less than 70 people so virtually all people we know well & their partners. Much less of a problem when it’s a small wedding in the first place.

  16. :)

    This has been the single worst thing to come of our wedding. I’ve had arguments and bitchy texts of my family members over 1 individual (who we’ve never met) not being invited to the meal (and only the meal!). I handled it with as much care and sensitivity as i could and felt very bullied. Neither her or or boyfriend are now coming, and actually im so relieved…its all over now and we’ve bagged ourselves and extra seat!

    This article, and the comments have really reassured that we’ve done the right thing, thank you :)

  17. Post author

    Thanks everyone for your comments in today’s article.I love reading what you all think about this! Please let me know if there are any other topics like this you are struggling with and I’ll try get an article written to get the discussion going to help you.let’s all work through these dilemmas together huh!?

  18. Connie

    Great topic for discussion! This is always a tricky dilemma – whether to invite plus ones or not. We made a rule at the beginning when putting our guest list not to invite anyone we don’t know (including partners of friends that we have never met or don’t know at all). The majority of our friends and family knew we wanted to keep the numbers down due to costs. We also agreed not to invite work colleagues to keep costs down. This was a tough one as I’m close to my team and would have loved to invite them if money is not an issue. But my team understands and we’re going to have a celebratory pre-wedding dinner before I get hitched.

    On our invites we adressed it to the person/persons who are invited. There has only been a handful of friends who asked if they could bring their partner or plus one. We explained that we couldn’t accomodate them because of cost and capacity constraints. They understood. But there is only always one who tries to sneak their partner onto the guest list. It was my fiance’s cousin who wanted to bring his gf of 1 month! Initially I thought no way! But my fiance is extremely close to his cousin and I didn’t want to create any tension between us and the cousin so we said yes. The cousin’s main reason for bringing his new gf is that he wanted to introduce her to the whole family!! The cousin’s family are coming but live overseas. Basically he’s taking advantage of the situation!

  19. Rhubarb

    I’m surprised by all the people who aren’t inviting their friends’ partners. I get not letting people bring random guests or someone they’ve been dating for a couple of months, but I don’t understand asking people to come recognize your relationship while not recognizing theirs.

    My partner and I are getting married this year after 7 years together. In that time, both of us have been invited to weddings where the couple didn’t know one of us — frankly, that’s part of how we’ve gotten to know each other’s friends. I would have been pretty hurt if (after the first two years) one of us had been excluded.

  20. Erin

    Oh, the “plus-one” dilemma!
    We’d been living together for a year, met the happy couple, and I wasn’t included on the invite. My boyfriend rang to check, and yes, that’s right – gf not invited. Not included on the 250+ guest list.

    (By the way, my boyfriend was invited to be a part of the bridal party for this wedding. Long story short – the bride insisted he cut off his dreadlocks to be a part of the bridal party. He refused, his childhood friend and the groom told him there was no place for him in the bridal party. Sad all round.)

    Once he gave his reason for declining to attend the wedding (i.e., that I wasn’t invited), an invitation for me arrived a week or two later. Yeah, no thanks.

    I believe their theme was based on the movie ‘Attack of the Bogan Greek Bride!’

  21. sarah

    We were restricted by numbers for the ceremony and let people know that was why there were restrictions on plus ones (and children). One friend was obviously disappointed that her husband was not invited and was traveling some way and staying for a couple of days. I made clear it was because of the numbers, however when someone else dropped out we decided to extend the invite to her husband rather than invite someone we knew better. It was a really good decision as we got to know him better over those few days, he was really helpful, it was an opportunity for us to build a relationship with my friends husband and we made a new friend. By thinking about what would be good for my friend I was rewarded in a way that I could not have appreciated when I was just focusing on what I wanted. Also, we were asking my friend to support our marriage and on the day it felt right that we acknowledge she would be supporting us as a married lady herself and not doing it alone.
    For some other friends we invited partners to the reception which felt better for those who we didn’t know so well or were less established in their relationships. Equally we made some exceptions for children. We were consistent in both and most people were happy with our decision and even the 2 people that questioned it didn’t feel they were singled out for personal reasons. Thinking about the bigger picture when there were difficult decisions, relationships rather than weddings, helped put things in perspective.

  22. This was a difficult issue for us because we got married in a bowling alley and had the reception there as well. Our wedding was far from traditional (ceremony started at 7pm, no dinner just desserts, etc…) so alot of people treated it like a party, instead of a wedding, and thought it was fine to bring extra people. I even had a cousin call up a buddy of his from college who lived nearby and told him to come once the reception started! It is unfortunate, but people all have different ideas of what a wedding is and sometimes there is little you can do about this. I just had to take a few moments for myself throughout the night and remind myself that in the end the most important part of the evening was that I was there and my husband was there.

  23. One of my best friends got married last April and I was horrified at the cheek of two of her friends expecting her to invite their new other halves (especially one who from the sounds of things was likely to have a different boyfriend by the date of the wedding!) I met my other half five months before her wedding, and even as best friend & bridesmaid didn’t expect him to get an invite.

    I think the other half dilemma is made difficult by some very selfish people who seem to forget who’s day it is – I’m still fuming about the behaviour of some people towards my friend who is the most wonderful and giving person and deserved so much more of some of her so-called-friends.

    I’m with Claire Marriott on her approach – if you know the other half, or if the person doesn’t know anyone else at the wedding.

  24. We get married in 3 weeks. We are only having 30 guests to the actual ceremony/wedding breakfast so our close friends respected the fact that if they hadn’t been seeing their partner long/we hadn’t met their partner then they weren’t invited to have a Plus One.
    They were fine with this as they have plenty of people they know at the wedding. For the evening, we have allowed plus ones to those that may not know many others/we know their partners.
    We’ve found that everyone has respected our decisions & for the two of our friends who it really affected, they have both said they feel so special to have been invited themselves, considering the size of the guest list: Bless ‘em!

    Zoe x

  25. Someone mentioned colleagues. This is something I’d love to see discussed. I’m not inviting any of mine, or my boss. I don’t like them enough, we are not friends outside the work environment. We’re also not having an ‘afters’ where I could have invited them.

    But I wonder are they expecting an invite? I keep meaning to drop into conversation with my boss that we’re not inviting ‘evening-only’ guests so he doesn’t feel snubbed.

  26. Ok, I get the numbers thing, I really do but being single at weddings is very depressing!

    I’ve been to two in the past year, Maid of Honour at the first, two singles at the wedding, me and the best man, so obviously everyone felt it was their duty to try to fix us up all day, we couldn’t go near each other without a camera being pointed at us!
    Now it was a small ceremony, only about 20 of us but we all paid for our own meals, so would plus one’s really have mattered that much?! I didn’t want one anyway, the best man and I get on great so it wasn’t an issue but still……

    The second was a family wedding, being a singleton I didn’t expect a plus 1 and I didn’t get one, although I’m sure if I’d have asked they would have accommodated but as most of my family were there I knew I’d have enough people to talk to all day and that it wouldn’t be a problem so again, really not fussed.

    However, I have been invited to my best friends wedding in September, as Maid of Honour again, without a plus 1 and I have to say I feel a little bitter over it, the wedding is far enough away from home that I need to stay over, the rooms are £150 per night and the bride also wants me to stay the night before with her and her daughters (the other bridesmaids) which is fine but the cost is already racking up here! I will know people there but they are all couples and people that I don’t know well, the people I know best are her family who will be busy with family wedding things, I really don’t want to spend the day being a spare part and the only single at the wedding!

    I have met someone, we have been seeing each other a few months and I wouldn’t expect him to be invited for this reason, however it would be nice to have someone there on the day to not make me feel like such a spare part, I am after all meant to be part of the wedding party, I also wonder if the reason is that I have now been asked to have the children in my room on the night of the wedding, a thought after spending all of that money that I can’t say I relish!

    To be honest if I’d not been asked to be MOH before the invite turned up I would have probably declined the invite.

  27. Bossyboots

    I’m not engaged yet either but I would do what many people have already said and consider it on a case by case basis. For example, friends with partners I knew (and got on with!) who had been together a reasonable amount of time, would of course be invited, friends who wouldn’t know anyone else would be invited to bring a plus one, whether that was a friend or boy/girlfriend.

    What do people think about inviting one person for the whole day, but their partner just for the evening, if they know other people at the wedding and perhaps haven’t been together long?

  28. Thank you for this post and the discussion!

    My fiance and I are going through our guest list again. We want a small ceremony with people we love sharing our moment. And then a bigger party reception. I have a lot of family in the States and my feeling is if they care, they’ll be here. Anyone who is traveling is invited to both the ceremony and the reception.

    Without some unknown +1s of the locals, the numbers are manageable again and we are closer to the vibe we wanted in the first place.

    We are staggering the invites as well, and if some people can’t make it, we can rethink the +1 thing.

  29. clare turner

    It’s quite a difficult subject and sometimes one which my fiance and I have had trouble discussing.
    All our guests know at least another couple or group of people but some of my close friends are single and earlier on in the planning expected to bring a plus one. Personally I thought this was out of the question, I’m not having random people attend my wedding just for the sake of it.
    I think from organising my wedding alot of people have no idea how much energy, money and time goes into it.
    At the end of the day I want to talk to everyone and have fun with the people that are close to me.

  30. Liz

    Good tips, we have decided to only allow long term partners, know one gets a plus one we don’t know personally. Were having an intimate 50 guest wedding and feel it would be odd to have a stranger there.

  31. Emily

    I know I’m coming to this late but I dilemma has come up and I need help!

    One of my oldest friends came out of a 10-year relationship just before we sent out invitations (literally, just before – we had to re-do her invitation). She’s met many of the other guests before but she doesn’t know any of them well and she’s quite shy, so she asked if she could bring a friend. We had an extra space anyway because of her ex, so we said she could bring someone.

    She’s incredibly forgetful and always late, so after agreeing to this we heard nothing for ages about if she was coming and if she’d found someone to bring. RSVP deadline passed and I started to nag her. Finally she gets back to me to tell me she’s found a plus one and it’s someone I also went to school with. To be clear, this isn’t someone I went to school with and lost touch with – it’s someone I went to school with who I intentionally severed contact with (and my friend knows this).

    My friend isn’t asking me if she can invite this person – she’s telling me that she’s already invited her and is presenting me with her meal choices. There is no way out of this that doesn’t involve telling this person she’s not wanted. I don’t want her at my wedding – I don’t like her and she has a tendency to get drunk and get in fights (hence intentionally severing contact). I don’t know what to do. My friend says she won’t come if she can’t bring someone.

  32. Niki

    Great topic! The guest list was the only drama we had with our wedding. We had an intimate ceremony and meal (45 people) and our rule was that if we had both met and hung out with the boyf/girlf/partner of one of our friends then they were invited. If only one of us had met them they got an evening invite. I do not think we offended anyone (not that I am aware of anyway!) and your real / close friends will understand anyway.
    You should be surrounded with people you love and want to see in your day and avoid too many “strangers” it’s your day after all!

  33. Annie

    Emily, I had a similar dilemma to you before I recently decided on my invites. The question I was asked when I was debating it was ‘Would you feel worse for being blunt and saying no or worse if they caused a fight on your wedding day?’
    Easy answer. I’d ask your friend to bring someone else and if she still insists knowing how much you don’t like this person, she’s a pretty selfish friend to have anyways.

  34. aimee

    I was invited to my friends wedding in my 20’s when I was young, free and single. Unfortunately, It did not include a plus one.
    I travelled over 5 hours to attend the wedding alone and didn’t know a soul there (apart from the bride and groom who were pretty preoccupied!). I have to be honest, I had a miserable time and I feel awful saying that. I know my friends would feel terrible if they knew. I just felt like a bit of a loser on my own, and I class myself quite a sociable person. I of course made friends (term made as loosely as you can imagine) throughout the course of the day, but the insecurity I felt being on my own overshadowed what should have been a lovely day. It wasn’t a wild, ruckus, ‘party wedding’ where no one gave a shit and everyone were best pals by the end of the night. It was more of a quiet, civil, family and close friends affair so I never really let my hair down. I can totally see ‘why’a plus one wasn’t included and I don’t think there were any plus ones there! But because of that, it was very ‘clicky’. Everyone knew one another and I was such a spare part which made me feel uncomfortable.
    I guess if I’m being even more honest, I felt a bit pissed off that I travelled that far, literally to the other end of the country, and didn’t get a plus one. It cost me more money in petrol, a hotel and taxis then it ever would have cost them to allow me a plus one.
    Don’t get me wrong, I can see it from their perspective: I wasn’t seeing anybody at the time and, I get it, why should they pay for a complete stranger especially when they were on a budget? Knowing them, they probably didn’t want to make me feel bad by saying “bring a plus one” knowing that I was single.
    But, I do feel that for people travelling long distances, allowances should be made. I never would have showed up with a random date just brought along for the sake of not looking ‘desperately single’. More likely, I would have asked my best friend to join me. And they know my best friend so it wouldn’t have been a stranger. When people are travelling the country, a bride and groom must remember it isn’t just ‘the day’they are inviting them too. It’s obviously nicer to travel with someone, get ready with someone, stay in a hotel with someone, go to breakfast the next morning with someone, then travel home with soneone than it is to do any of those things alone. I probably would have made a bit of a weekend of it if I’d have been able to bring my friend and explore the city.
    At the end of the day, I had to get a taxi to my hotel at 2am in a city I’d never been to before. Personally, I just found it a bit much.
    It’s a tough one though and I do get that. But the bride and groom ultimately want people to enjoy themselves don’t they? And unfortunately I’m sad to say, I didn’t really and if I’d have had a plus one it would have been a different experience.

  35. Kimber

    We are not having plus ones. We want an intimate wedding of about 30 people, mostly our family and about 5 of my friends. We did not include plus ones for my friends (except two of my legally married girlfriends and I’ve met and like their husbands)
    But I definitely had a friend flip out she couldn’t bring her boyfriend that we’ve never met.

  36. Very interesting and a big step up from the kids/no kids debate.

    I personally wouldn’t go to a wedding if my husband wasn’t invited. Most likely he wouldn’t boot on other foot, but I notice one of the comments regarding a cousin’s fiancé, that wouldn’t sit well with me.

    However it’s the old addage, you day your way. I would chose to decline an invite that excluded my other half, but send them my best wishes. Reading between the lines I’d think that if they didn’t want him, they probably are only inviting me out of some sort if duty, they’d probably be pleased if I declined, one less mouth to feed ;)

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