Our walls don’t have fancy art on them…unless you count a freebie pg tips monkey as ‘art’
I live and I breathe Rock n Roll Bride. It is my life. It is my biggest passion. It is my obsession. I know from reading the hundreds of submissions and emails I receive from you all that you live and breathe it too. You āgetā it. You believe in it and you love the ideas behind it. But you know what, I have a confession. I sometimes feel like a fraud.
If youāre anything like me, youāll read a lot of blogs religiously. Youāll pour over the beautiful people and their stunning weddings on Style Me Pretty, their effortlessly cool homes on Design Sponge and their awesomely unique design and style ideas on Etsy. We love to read these sites for āinspirationā but secretly, donāt they make us feel a little bit like a failure? Do you ever read blogs and think āIām not beautiful enoughā? Do you ever wish you had more to spend on your wedding? Do you ever wish you lived in one of those achingly cool, funky and stylish apartments?
Yeah, me too.
My ‘office’ – ie nook under the stairs. Chic and stylish it is not
If you’re reading this, chances are you’re planning (or have planned) a Rock n Roll wedding but sometimes, just sometimes, do you ever get that teeny tiny little twinge of the green eyed monster when you see that sizeĀ zero blonde with her perfectly gorgeous husband and their perfectly stylish Martha Stewart wedding? I bet she didnāt sit up until 2am making stationary or hunting for months to find a dress that didnāt make her look like a blancmange. I bet she didnāt look at hundreds of photographersā blogs desperately searching forĀ one that could capture her wedding whilst coming in nicely under budget. I bet she knew exactly where to look and who to book, and of course I bet she got her first choices on everything.
You know this already but Iām going to reiterate it if it kills me what you see on the internet isnāt real. What you see in magazines isnāt real. What you see of other peopleās lives isnāt real, it’s what they want you to seeĀ ā and none of what you see makes them any better than you or their wedding any better than yours. Having a blog-perfect wedding isnāt what makes theĀ day the most special, perfect or magical. The most popular ārockstar āphotographer and the Vera Wang dress donāt make the wedding special. YOU make your wedding special.
You and your fiancƩ who argue sometimes
You and your fiancĆ© who donāt fit the Cosmopolitan magazine ideal of whatās beautiful
You who obsesses over diy-ing the whole damn thing because you know only you can make it the way you want it
I know you know this already, but I also know that deep down you sometimes look at other brides and other weddings and feel like you’re having a substandard wedding.
He’s perfect for me.
On the flipside (and this was something I was seriously guilty of when we planned our wedding) you look at weddings on sites like Rock n Roll Bride and think āOh their wedding is so much cooler than mine. Iām not that alternative. Iām not that unique or creative. My wedding isnāt Rock n Roll enough.ā This is something Iāve written about before but again Iām going to reiterate it quickly here ā having the most alternative or Rock n Roll wedding doesnāt make you better/happier/cooler than anybody else. A Rock n Roll Bride isnāt just someone with loads of tattoos wearing the most awesome dress. Being Rock n Roll is about being YOU. Be proud of who you are and planning the wedding thatās perfect for YOU. Forget what the magazines tell you. Magazines aren’t real life.
Ā Simple Pleasures
So why did I start to write this today? Well firstly I read an amazing article on Princess Lasertronās blog. Someone who, Iāll be honest, Iāve always seen as having it all sorted ā gorgeous husband, fabulous office, happy baby and crazy amounts of talent, style and popularity to boot. The article, Things I Donāt Want People to Know, really made me realise that however you view someone, that an online portrayal really isnāt the whole story. I loved reading her list and it really did make me think āWow, I bet the whole world thinks like this. I bet all those bloggers I aspire to are just as confused and scared as me.ā
That sizeĀ zero blonde or that enviously alternative bride havenāt got it all sussed. Online, and in their weddings, people share the part of themselves that they want to, the part they want the world to see. The rest, like all of us, they keep hidden away.
So how about me? Have I got it all figured out? Iāve got a popular blog read by thousands of people all over the world. I shop a lot. Iāve got gorgeous kittens and a doting husband right? Well yes ā but of course this is the part I want you to see. I exaggerate the good and hide the not so good. Iām not saying I donāt really live and breathe what I express on my blog, but there are certainly the things I keep to myself. Well until now. This is the real meā¦
The imperfect Rock n Roll Bride – No make up. No stylist. Just-out-of-bed hair.
I always think Iām fat.
I constantly compare myself to others.
Our house is always messy, needs a clean and has diy jobs that need doing. I get embarrassed if anyone, even my Mum, comes over.
I donāt have that many real life (as in non-wedding) friendsā¦and I donāt see them enough.
I donāt have a creative talent of my own. Iām not artistic and I desperately want to be.
Most days I don’t get dressed until gone 3pm.
Everyday I wake up and feel like a fraud and like I have no idea what Iām doing.
I nag my husband to do make changes to my blog and we argue about it.
Iām a perfectionist and Iām bossy to boot.
Even though the blog is going well I still work a part time job at the weekend because Iām scared it might all collapse one day.
I work 7 days a week and we havenāt had a holiday since our Honeymoon at the beginning of 2008.
Does this sound like someone with a perfect life, whoās got it all sussed? Certainly not.
So, will your wedding be perfect? Probably not.
Will your wedding be perfect for you? Hell yes.
Go and create that perfect-for-you wedding and life and screw what you think the rest of the world is up to.
Our living room – which is certainly ‘lived in’
All photos by me (except the one of me which Gareth took)Ā as I imperfectly amble around learning how to take photographs myself.
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This is such a great post!
When I first started blogging I really aspired to be like other bloggers but once I started to get more followers/readers than the people I aspired too I realised that they were exactly the same as me – they had a life outside their blog, they had other interests that I didn’t get to see and they were real people and I imagined they were just as worried about their blog as I was about mine – for me this made reading their blogs so much better and this post has made reading your words better for me too (though you’ve always been amazing!)
I might do something similar on my blog to this – I hope you don’t mind! I’ll link back
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nic smith – he loves that beer. so much so that when he’s drunk he actually says “baaaabieee, im feeling a bit ottery” no joke!
Rhianne – please do and send me the link!
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i – love – you
and at the same time hate you for making me cry a little at work…
Thank you so much… calmed some of my wedding planning neurosis & made me feel better about myself all in one post.
Your wonderful and perfect just the way you are!!
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wow Kat, thanks for this. my house is always messy too and i get embarrassed when people come over unexpectedly. glad to know that doesn’t make me a bad person
this is what makes your blog so magic and why i keep coming back for more – authenticity… heart. thank you. -
This was a wonderful post to read. Do you know that’s the first time I’ve EVER read a wedding blog article that actually made sense to me and spoke to me and well, felt real to me? Thanks for that.
…..it’s great to see honesty come out. In this cookie-cutter-wedding-blog world, honesty is such a breath of fresh air. I’ve been so tired of those other cottony-hyper-real wedding blogs that I stopped reading them, I only kept a few on my reader and yours was one of them. It speaks from the heart!
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This is a fantastic post Kat. On a daily basis I sit and wonder ‘what on earth I am doing’, ‘am I doing this right’ etc etc. I too sit working in my pj’s till after 3pm, sometimes I find myself sitting on the sofa watching random tv wondering how I got there and then feel guilty because my ‘To Do’ list is longer than my arm and it never seems to get smaller! You have made me realise that I am not alone with my insecurities and even though I don’t normally comment I wanted to thank you for that…
On our wedding day we had guests fainting, ambulances, fire alarms, fire engines… None of them were included on our ‘order of the day’ but you know what, we wouldn’t want it any other way, they are the things we laugh about now, they are the things that our guests always bring up and me hauling myself up into the fire engine and having a laugh with the driver is one of my hubby’s favourite memories. Our imperfect day was perfect for us…
Lastly that creativeness that you talk about not having, well I can tell you where it is… Its in everything you write, you are more creative than you know! xxx
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PS… One last confession, I really wanted to join you all at your little party last week, but by the time I had finished thinking it over should I, shouldn’t I, will they like me, won’t they etc it was to late as you had closed the invites… I’ve learn’t my lesson, I won’t do that next time!
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Wow, is this the biggest comment response ever. Real life, real person. Nothing more I can say. Thank you. I feel totally normal now. xxxxxx
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Thank you!!!!! You “Rock”. I hope you don’t mind, but I’m going to share this post with all my viewers. It is so true, when planning a wedding you get all wrapped up in the “Martha’s” of the world and forget to keep it real and be yourself. The blog world and wedding world is there to give you ideas, but brides tend to think they have to be perfect in the same breath, take the ideas and make them yours. You don’t have to be perfect, your day won’t be perfect, but who cares, in the end it is all about you and your sweetie. Make the best of it and enjoy LIFE!!!
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Wow–couldn’t have said it better myself!
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I LOVE this post. I’m geting married next Friday and have made my entire wedding myself. I have grown to love DIY And can really appreciate what you said about having to make it ALL myself. I’m a control freak. Thanks for making me feel relaxed after a bridezilla-style breakdown earlie today!! X
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Just caught up on this post and I freaking love it. It’s a total sanity check for anyone who’s anyone — not just wedding people. And I must admit that after our wedding was over, I poked around once wed, green wedding shoes, style me pretty, etc, and i started to feel really bad about myself and the wedding we had, mostly because our wedding looked nothing like these gorgeous images. and it was foolish and silly — but in the moment i couldn’t help but compare. what’s up with that?!?! So I think we all go through feelings of inadequacy even though our blogs (or jobs or appearance or whatever) give off a different impression. Thanks so much for sharing, kat.
and girl, you best take that vacation soon! and if it’s a decision between NY and LA, you already know what I’m gonna say!!
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Without your blog we wouldn’t have had the inspiration for our big day. Your blog enthused us and strengthend the individuality of our wedding.
I can empathise with other comments on here. I too felt as though we were not rock and roll enough. The weddings you blog about are super cool but you know in our own little way we are rock and role. I wouldn’t have changed a single thing and like you say stripping everything aside the best thing about the wedding was I got to marry my best friend, my soulmate!
Luckily you did blog about us…you blogged our sign!
Keep rockin xx fellow Mrs Williams!
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Wow Kat! Thanks so much for your candour – nearly made me cry.
I’d like you to know that your blog inspires me and what you put of yourself on here helps a lot of people and hopefully yourself because it’s good to “talk”.
Keep strong and your head high – right off to retweet your tweet about this
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Well said. This is a great post.
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I really needed to read this right now and I’m so glad I checked this blog today! I was reading a wedding magazine thinking about last weekend, my first time trying on dresses; how every single one, no matter how great they looked in those clear plastic bags looked completely horrendous on me (in my mind) and I was starting to just loose it. THANK YOU I really just needed to hear someone say that it doesn’t have to be perfect. LOVE YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
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Laura – from what ive seen of your wedding on eliza claire’s blog, it ooozed rock n roll! i really hope i can blog you!!
Britt (bowie bride) – your wedding again was the ultimate rock n roll wedding and the coolest thing, like, EVER! i cant wait to see your pro pix and i am dying to blog you. i think a lot of my readers will be inspired by you. the things you looked at that made you feel bad – they’re not real life. screw that. youre real and your wedding was RAAAAAD
Mel – i had the exact same wedding dress experience. eugh. you’ll find a fab one trust me? are you in the uk? if so check our fur coat no knickers!
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… you are a godsend! Being a wedding photographer AND planning my own wedding next year, Ive been feeling that everyone’s expectations of our weddings are balooning out of control (and probably my own too)…
your words are so true – its a day that is about the couple and their love for each other and silly things like unmatching table cards really can not spoil in what is a gorgeous and emotional moment in time… sniff…
tahnk you and as always, loving your blog (albeit with a somewhat silent participation)
aneta
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This has come at a really good time for me. Thank you! You are right but sometimes it’s hard to remember. And you’re beautiful, just as you are.
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Ooh I feel better after reading this.
I’ve been checking your blog sporadically and ready wedding mags and was beginning to feel like we planned our wedding in too much of a rush. The big day is in two weeks and I now think, so what if a guest or two has a less than desirable opinion of our choices… We know that it completely oozes US. That is all that matters
I went to my cousins wedding a few months back and everything was so traditional. It actually made me sad that their personalities were hidden under what they thought others expected a wedding to be.
Ours will be all about us Not perfect but hey, we’re only human. -
Brilliant, brilliant post. I’m not a bride or bride to be but read a lot of design/lifestyle/art blogs and experience the exact same worries you’re talking about.
Thank you, for this post and for sharing your normality! -
Thank you for such an open and honest article about your life! It’s so refreshing to know that the people who you look to and think of as being so much cooler and more together than yourself, are really just one of us girls.
I love reading your blog; and am now feeling much less stressy about my own Rock n Roll Bride inspired wedding.
xx
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Pingback from Fab Finds Friday: 20 August – DIY Bride on August 20, 2010 at 15:26
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I got married last summer and spent a solid eight months before the wedding poring over new posts, old posts, and links and drawing inspiration – and frustration – for my own wedding. It was so confusing for me when I loved my wedding, everything about it, but it looked nothing like the pictures posted. I read Design Sponge, and Apartment Therapy, and it makes me go home and look at my house and think, “what the hell?”
This article was perfect and REAL. I loved it and have forwarded it on to basically everyone I know.
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I’m less than 2 months out from my wedding and have been ill for the last 8 months. Realizing that my wedding is not going to be the “perfect” day I imagined it should be by reading all these blogs and magazines has been a difficult thing to come to terms with. But I’m really trying to embrace the fact that it’s not about everything going right that day, it’s about doing what makes us happy and celebrating our love. Thank you for posting this. It made me cry.
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Thank you. You always seem to post the right thing at the right time. Twenty nine days until our wedding. <3
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Thank you.
It’s nice to know I’m not alone in my concerns, habits and perceptions. -
Well I have to admit that Ive felt like my wedding was obviously not very cool and I must have been more cookie cutter than I thought coz my wedding was the only one of my photographers wedding not featured on a certain blog!
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Pingback from Weekend Links: August 20th | on August 20, 2010 at 22:09
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Brilliant! Good for you for putting it out there!
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your blog really hit home. thank you. i needed this little pick me up
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thank you thank you thank you
for writing this. i swear it changed my day -
You know what Kat, well done you – Well done you on posting this as I knew via Twitter that you were unsure whether or not to do it.
People need to realise that noones perfect x -
Oh my! You have no idea how much I needed to read this. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
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this came at just the right time. -
Blog away Mrs Williams!
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I’m SO glad I came across this article! This is a dilemma I’ve been having recently as well, in planning my wedding & in starting my blog. I am constantly looking around our tiny, cramped apartment with white walls and icky beige carpets and our shoes and clothes and books and things strewn all over the floor and feeling totally inadequate. Your post just made my night, and I think you are so brave for doing this. Thank you thank you thank you!
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While I was planning our wedding I began to feel increasingly panicked – that we weren’t getting married outside with paper lanterns in the trees, that we weren’t being quirky enough, that I wasn’t thin or photogenic enough, that my dress didn’t feel like ‘the one’ enough. I realised that this was all a result of the blogs I was reading and actually banned myself from looking at Style Me Pretty and even this blog as they were giving me unrealistic expectations. I felt instantly happier.
We married in July and I can honestly say we had the most fun we have EVER had. So please please don’t compare yourselves to the people featured here, the most important thing is that you invite the people you love and have a bloody good time (alcohol and good music help though!). xx -
This is the most honest, open and truthful post i think ive read ever. I so needed to hear that im not the only one who thinks those things about myself or our upcoming wedding. No body is perfect and deep down we all know that, its just nicer to have people think you are. Thankyou for taking the risk to be so open. Thankyou xox
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Kat, you speak from my heart. I too often get frustrated that my life doesn’t look like ‘it should’ as in, perfect blog life, but thanks to important reminder!
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Pingback from Link Love: Week Ending 22.08.10 | Cakie Belle on August 26, 2010 at 02:21
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Thank you, thank you, thank you! As a newly engaged person just beginning this whole wedding adventure, it is so easy to feel inadequate after looking at all those magazines and websites…you give me hope and wonderful anticipation of what my fiance and I will eventually come up with!!
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Thank you!! I’ve had many of the same thoughts about people I’ve read about online–”they have their lives so together! Their house is so much cooler than mine! They’re so successful and they love their job, while I have no clue what I want to do in life…” and sometimes it’s hard to remember that we’re only seeing a small, carefully edited slice of their lives.
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Pingback from A Perfectly Imperfect Life | Solitary in Sanity on August 31, 2010 at 23:00
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Kat!! Thank you so much for this post, it has really really cheered me up and helped me remember that its not all about ‘perfect’ and ‘wedding’.
We’ve just had to cancel our wedding in April as we just can’t afford it and it’s so heartbreaking. But this has just reminded me that we’re still very much in love and nothing will change that.So thanks so much for this heart on the sleeve, honest post.
You & this blog are 100% awesome and I LOVE IT!!
x
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What a lovely thing to write about. Thank you so much for your warmth and honesty Kat you’ve made me (and surely tons of other normal people who also have real lives and messy homes!) feel instantly better about everything x
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About The Girl
Hello and welcome to my little blog. My name is Kat Williams aka the Rock n Roll Bride and my aim is to provide a little haven of kick ass weddingness in a cookie cutter, pastel and often puke-worthy wedding world. If youāve ever picked up a bridal magazine and felt queasy or trawled the internet and felt disheartened by what you didnāt find well, my friend, you are in the right place!
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