Comments on: How to…Deal with Uncooperative Relatives

By: Rock n Roll Bride · 2010 – The Year that Was {Part One}

Rock n Roll Bride · 2010 – The Year that Was {Part One} — Tue, 28 Dec 2010 12:01:22 +0000

[...] How to…Deal with Uncooperative Relatives [...]

By: sara

sara — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 21:36:47 +0000

My father did not attend my wedding. He had never approved of my relationship and unfortunately that extended to my wedding day as well. So when I hear about other family members not attending weddings due to clothes//piercings/tats, etc it just drives me crazy! The truth of the matter is that you will be marrying your wonderful fiance regardless of whether your grandmother comes or not. What she is doing is not fun for you by any means, more like an extremely painful experience I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I agree that I think you need to write the letter and a couple days later CALL her (since you cant visit in person) and tell her truthfully how much her attendence means to you and that while you wont be in a full length white ballgown you WILL be looking beautiful and how great it would be if she was there to see it! You know that she loves you and respects you- so hopefully she is smart enough to really listen to you. Plus, once she sees how you intend to style the wedding she will most likely still voice her dissaproval even once she agrees to come! Unfortunately, people do not always understand our choices in life – and sometimes you have to live with that knowledge. But your wedding day will be glorious, even if grandma comes with a disaproving look on her face towards your pretty attire. And I promise you that nothing will change that.

By: Jenna

Jenna — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 06:35:11 +0000

The main problem is that this info is coming from your mother and not from you. There are a lot of photos here with a potentially confusing effect for someone trying to remember what all she’s seen to report it to your grandmother.

Break it down for her. Send her pictures of the top and skirt you’ll be wearing in that above-mentioned letter. Try to get a REAL photo of the skirt in white: I guarantee that “in white” caption didn’t sink in properly with your mom. Pictures of what he is wearing will confuse things. So will pictures of the shoes or any other accessories. The shoes alone are probably causing a freakout but no one will notice them at the ceremony unless you call attention to them. If possible, take a photo in the ACTUAL dress you’ll be wearing.

Then, sweetly make the following points:

1- Starting off a lifelong commitment with repressing the personalities involved in said commitment will not lead to happiness

2- She is extremely important to you, so much so that you accommodated her desire not to fly.

3- Not attending over a dress is a really silly choice that you’ll both end up regretting. Especially since the dress is MOSTLY WHITE, with some stripes.

4- Remind her that it’s too late to restructure the ENTIRE wedding over this choice, especially without massive financial outlay.

5- Close with a statement of love and attach the photo of the little girl dress – if possible, correlate it to another wedding she’s been to where the bridesmaids wore red or black.

Honestly, it’s her choice not to come, but make sure she makes that choice with full info, and that the info is coming from you. Leave out any info that confuses the issue, such as shoes or the groom’s outfit – they don’t apply to your dress.

Last, remember that most people don’t have much imagination when faced with an emotional decision – sometimes, people have to have an exact photograph in order to be ok.

::hugs:: You’ll be fine! I wouldn’t do my last wedding over again, mainly for this kind of stuff. But the main thing is to enjoy your wedding day and to begin your new life together!!

By: Angel

Angel — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 21:01:16 +0000

I also think a letter is a good idea. And include the pictures.
Grannies remain old school, and they don’t like change.